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New Home

2008-12-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, I converted. That's right, I'm now on Wordpress, and things are going swimmingly! And even more changes are anticipated, so stay close friends!

You can now find me at my new home!

Oh what a good day!

2008-12-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

Here are some things you should want on your Christmas list this Holiday season:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,461647,00 .html
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,461928,00.html

Here is a funny video you should watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j_TAuF4gFU

And here is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE QUOTE EVER from Seinfeld. Please enjoy this as much as I did!

The Other Side of Love

2008-11-25T06:48:00.001-08:00

No, no music quote today. I realized just now that this is my 102nd blog post to this blog, so in honor of a new "century" of blogging, I will not hold myself to using song quotes or titles to title my blog.

I've decided to call a recent phase of life "The Other Side of Love." In the past 12-15 months, I have endured some pretty crappy relationships with people. Some of it would be my responsibility, some of it would be their responsibility, but a lot of it proves that life is just very hard sometimes. But, now having gone through it, and to be slowly emerging on the other side of it, I feel like a better person, but more importantly I know I'm a better person.

A thought that has bugged my thoughts over the past few weeks deals with Jesus' commandment to love others as we love ourselves. What happens if we don't love ourselves very much, or at all, or at least very well? Are we then, to be obedient to Jesus, not to love others very much, or at all, or at least very well? This was replayed over and over again in my head for a few weeks. What I've come to learn is: Yes, it is possible not to love ourselves very much, or at all, or even very well, and unfortunately, to love others in the exact same manner.

But I've also come to learn exactly how to love myself, and how to love myself so much better than I imagined. I've learned how to embrace myself as a sinner, as a child of God, as a beggar, as a student, as a person who fails and succeeds. I've learned that it's okay for me not to be perfect, because I know the Gospel tells me as much, but I know that the Gospel also tells me that even though I'm much more lost than I could have ever feared, I'm also loved more than I could have ever hoped. That's the kind of love I've learned, and am still learning.

I've learned that if I don't love the people who suck, the people who let me down, the people who disappoint me, the people who hurt me, then I'll never love anyone, not even myself. That's a tough pill to swallow, but it's oddly comforting once you've got it down, and it's incredibly transforming once it takes effect.

I know I'm not perfect, and I'll do everything I can to no longer pretend like I should be, or that I think I could be. I'm not perfect, and I won't ever be perfect, not this side of Heaven. But, I still love myself even though I'm imperfect, and I'm learning every day how to love myself and others better.

Grace

2008-11-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

So, to be very honest, I find myself finally admitting that I am in need of grace this week. Not that it's "This week I need grace," but more of a "This week I realized my need for grace."

For a while now I have felt and seen the need for morality, ethics, scruples, good behavior -- call it what you will, but I've noticed the lack of it first in the lives of others, and then myself. Yes, I first noticed the bad behavior of others, then moved the lens over to my own actions. I would say this is backward, but it's so far from even resembling correct that to say it is "backward" would be an insult to the actual process.

And an unfortunate side-effect of this "crusade" of mine for goodness has resulted in my attempts to point out the immorality in the lives of others, point out the wrongness, and then try and claim the "moral high ground" for myself with a "1-2-3, base on me!" mentality. However, what would happen later is that as I would be doing something that seems so commonplace and normal for my own life conviction would slap me full and hard in the face, making me so aware of my own shortcomings.

Last night, I made a real fool of myself. I mean, I probably put on a good show for the observant third-party, but more than that I really outdid myself. I cried "Foul!" and protested and I went to bed angry at the bad behavior I had observed, convicted of nothing less than "they're wrong, I know I'm right," but knowing full well that I had probably overstepped some boundary that my anger (and pride...) was blinding me to. My prayer before I fell asleep was "God, convict me of my wrongdoing, of my Sin, and help me to help You root it out."

Now that I'm awake, and have slept on it, and have apologized to those that I wronged, I have a few thoughts or reflections that come to mind: I really need to root out the immorality and the poor ethical decision making skills I have in my own life; I need to keep my mouth shut more often; though I may be correct in my judgment of what's right and wrong, I am not correct in pointing out these incorrect things; and lastly I am no better with scruples than my fellow pupils.

I see a need for help. I see a need for a higher goodness, a higher sense of accountability and a higher calling to that higher accountability. I see that I, obviously, cannot get rid of my poor decision making skills on my own. I need conviction. And in the same manner that I am not qualified to convict others of their "not goodness," I need conviction from something larger. I need conviction from God.

In short, to term it as I have learned, I need Grace. I need God's Grace to continually remind me: 1) that I am a sinner and, therefore, I am not good, and I am not even somewhat qualified to call out another sinner such as I; and 2) what a good decision is, and how to choose that good decision consistently. I need God's Grace to keep me in line. I need God's Grace to remind me that I am not better, and that I need to be better.

So, along with my pursuit to love myself better, and then to love others as I love myself, I now am learning to make better decisions, and to make better decisions more consistently, for the good of my own, but also for the good of the Body, and for the good of anyone who happens to be watching and learning from me. If you want to pray for me in this manner, or if you want to encourage me in this pursuit (or if you want to write me off completely), I appreciate your honesty with yourself, and could surely use your help.

It's Been A While

2008-11-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, that actually is a line from a song. I don't remember who sings it, or the name or year, but the first thing I thought to type was, "It's been a while." Huh, a song!

But yeah, it has been a while! Since I last updated I dressed up as Chewie/Hillary/Satan for Halloween; our country elected a new president; I made an 88 on my Spanish midterm, but with a 5 point curve my teacher gave me a 94 (go figure...); and I said comparing High School Musical 3 to The Dark Knight was like comparing an enchilada to a cup of coffee. All in all, I feel very proud of the things that have gone on, and the things I've accomplished.

I'm registered for next semester. 12 hours, in case you were wondering. Intermediate Greek II, History of the Baptists, Advanced Composition and Stylistics of the Spanish language, Life Lessons (1-hr seminar), and Applied Music - Piano. 12 hours. Not so sure what's going to happen next semester, but I can honestly say it'll be unlike anything I've had up until now. The thought occurs to me "What might my life be like if I loaded up with 15 hours, took regular classes like everyone else, and didn't try to avoid a FULL load with 1-hr electives, like piano?" I think the answer would be something along the lines of me feeling like I'm missing out on my "college experience." Anyway.

Been reading a good book in Christian Counseling. The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Pete Scazzero. Great book. If you have time, I highly recommend it. I boldly and itallicaly recommend it. It is doing wonders for me as a book of meditation and discipleship.

As I'm typing this, I'm actually on duty in the clubhouse and one of my residents just walked in to talk. This particular resident is from India, he is an international student and is studying for his Master's at UMHB in Information Systems (a computer science thing). He wants to know if I can take him to Dallas for Thanksgiving. Sounds like a kind of...neat experience for me, and yet I am kind of bewildered. I never imagined sharing my Turkey Day holiday with anybody other than my family, and I have never actually taken a friend home from UMHB. How...interesting that an opportunity arises for me to open up my family to a few Indian fellows.

Speaking of Master's degrees, I have decided to go to seminary. Not sure which one just yet, but my top considerations at the moment are (in no particular order): (1) Dallas Theological Seminary; (2) Denver Seminary; and (3) B.H. Carroll Theological Institute, or something like that, I can't remember quite clearly. Not real sure where, yet. There are perks of all of them that I like, I just don't know where I'll buckle down, or if God will completely change my mind and I'll choose something way out of the way. I guess time will tell. I guess also I need to hit up Grant Hickman for a "tag-along-day" to Dallas to see what his classes are like, and also an adventurous road trip to Denver to see what Denver Seminary is like. B.H. Carroll is all online, so that has appeal right there, in and of itself. So, I guess if you wanted to pray for me to be open about these possibilities, that'd be nice, but I'm not asking or demanding. Just stating I've made a decision.

Okay friends, all for now. Maybe I'll update again, after two weeks!

I could tell, from the minute I woke up...

2008-10-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

Can I just say, real quick here, that I really want to write a musical? Well, I'm going to anyway.

I WANT TO WRITE A MUSICAL!!! (and I don't care who knows it)

Now, please don't be mistaken. I don't consider myself a theatrical genius, and so far, my involvement in the theatrical has been Abraham Lincoln in the 1st grade, Elf #2 in the 4th grade, James Brown in the 5th grade, and an OCD character I barely remember from my freshman year here at ol' U of MHB. Clearly, not huge participation, and even then, no script writing. But nonetheless, I want to write a musical.

Why a musical, and not just some story? I don't know. I think the idea of seeing normal people betray their inhibitions to be funny and put on a good show is hilarious. I think that it's much easier to say and or do and or speak of very offensive things when it's set to music (not that I'm looking at being crass, or distateful). I think I enjoy music enough to write my own, fun, silly songs (probably not the actual music part, but the lyrical I think "maybe, yes"). And, I feel like where I'm at in life I could probably contribute a musical much more easier now than later, and it would be more silly, more fun, and more excitingly ridiculous than just another play (plus there's no reason I've found yet that says it should be a screenplay for Hollywood). So, I want to write a musical.

And I mean, a musica. A 1,2,3,however many-hour(s) musical, with songs and dances and characters -- the whole shebang. I like TV, and I love studying movies. I enjoy stories, and I feel like I'm creative enough. So, what is it that I lack?

Inspiration. Time. Resources. For some time now, I have felt the desire to write something -- a story, a book, a movie, a play, a musical. But sadly to say, I just haven't. I could guess the "Why Not" would be much like the "Why Not" now, but I really couldn't tell you, exactly.

So, why am I telling you this? I don't know. I'm just tired of having all this creative energy and desire pent-up inside me. I want it out. I guess maybe I could say I'm looking at finding some inspiration, time, resources, but I really don't know. But we'll see, we'll see.

So, yeah. Have a day my friends.

With a Little Help From My Friends

2008-10-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

I think my all time favorite Beatles song is "With a Little Help From My Friends." It is magical to my soul. My dad turned it into a mini sound-clip, and it is now my ringtone (for Cody only, though)! Color me excited.

In other news, things are going well today. For those of you who may not know, my sister is coming into town this evening, for the weekend. She's getting here in about 8 hours. I am excited! I kind of slept on and off last night in anticipation for her to get here, and the thought occurred to me that I actually might be losing sleep over my excitement for Anna (that's what most people call my sister, her birth name) to be here.

Then I woke up, and Daniel Rowe called me.

NO GREEK TODAY! He said he was going to his 8 AM D&E class and there was a note on the door that said "Dr. Martin's 1 o'clock Greek class is canceled today" (or something to that affect). For those of you who don't know, Greek is kind of hard, and challenging, and an extra day to study and prepare (or just not be there) is a HUGE blessing to my life.

So, so far today, it's been a great day. Being at work today was relatively easy, though I'm starting to feel convicted about some of the things I do around here that maybe I ought not do. But on the other hand, the lady at the drive through window at Shipley's today gave me an extra kolache just for grins! That was super awesome!

So, if you take nothing away from this post, just know that sometimes good days happen, and that is a great thing. I blog a lot about bad days and hard times, but today is not one of those days, and this week doesn't seem to be one of those times. Be blessed my friends.

Much love to you all.

If you're out on the road

2008-10-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

So, I find no shame in admitting this. I somewhat enjoy Gilmore Girls. Rory, Lorelai, Luke, Emily, Richard, Logan, Paris, Laine, Kirk, Sookie, Jackson, not so much Dean, Michel, Stars Hollow, Yale. I don't know what it is, but I kind of like it.

In fact, I watched two episodes this afternoon using my sister's DVDs. I'm trying to catch up as much as I can on season 5. Please don't ask me why I like this show, or why I'm trying to catch up, or why I'm even blogging about this, but I do, I am, and...I...am...? Yeah.

In other news, I put three Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus songs on my iTunes today, as well as the ENTIRE soundtrack to High School Musical 2. Again, don't ask. Please, just don't ask.

I found out my dad has two or three books that would be ginormous helps to me as an aspiring Greek student. Not that you care (but if that was my concern, I probably wouldn't have admitted to GG, HM/MC, or HSM2), but he has Brooks and Winberry's "Guide to Greek Morphology" and "Guide to Greek Syntax." Well, New Testament Greek, that is. The title's definitely much more specific than that, but I figured since you don't care anyway...

I can say that I'm really enjoying my Fall Break so far. I've come to some pretty nice conclusions since I've been home, and I'm becoming more and more excited and anticipatory about the upcoming semester. Also, I left my charger for my cell phone in my apartment in Belton, so I've left my phone completely OFF (well, almost completely) since Friday night. It's been nice to almost completely disconnect myself with the world. I just hope an emergency doesn't arise any time soon. Oh well.

I think for the rest of my Fall Break I'll do homework, more homework, and maybe take a nap or two! Oh, and most definitely watch Heroes in HD tomorrow night. By the way, my dad got not only an HDTV, but HD satellite, and DVR. The man swore to me two years ago he wouldn't get DVR, and yet I recorded, rewinded, and fast-forwarded through "That 70's Show" yesterday. Twas great.

Well, friends, this has been a great break so far, and I for one am glad for it.
See you in a few days...? Later lovers.

Twisted Nerve

2008-10-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

Twisted Nerve, that's the name of the song that is my ringtone.

My quote of the day today is "The purpose of life is a life of purpose," by Robert Byrne. I think the purpose in my life, right now, judging from my time and money and commitment, is about as unclear as it's ever been. I'm just so busy. More busy than I would like or prefer. I seem to remember about 6 months ago (actually more) saying to Daniel Rowe that I could quit and drop all my business because I'm tired of it. I listed off to him all the things worth committing too that wouldn't be too much:

Student Foundation
Internship
Missions Emphasis Week
RA job
searchCRU

Here are the things I am currently committed to:

Student Foundation
Internship
Missions Emphasis Week
RA job
searchCRU

Hmm...looks like I am in fact a man of my word, but my my was I wrong. I guess I took on too much, but I seem to have so much more going on last semester, or at least more responsibility with fewer commitments. I don't know. Somehow, my free time is gone, daddy gone.

An upper, though, is that MEW will be over in two or so weeks, my RA job responsibilities will lighten up in a month, and that my internship is slowing down. But still, I'm freaking TIRED.

But more than tired, I'm disturbed by the terrible terrible attitude I've got towards my commitments. I don't want to them. I'd rather just sleep, and work. And when I say work, I mean work for a paycheck, not a grade, or an event, or someone else's approval.

Lovers and friends, I'm just stinking tired. I want a break. I'm signing up for nothing next semester, and I may stay that way until I graduate.
Advices?

Climbing aimlessly over these hills

2008-10-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

Lately, though I've turned to the song "Whatever You're Doing," by Sanctus Real, I think in my life I was derailing myself on the line "climbing aimlessly over these hills."

Let me tell you what my God has done for me...

When I was dirty, He told me I was dirty, and cleaned me off.
When I was wrong, He told me I was wrong, and showed me how to be right.
When I was angry, He told me I was angry, and gave me peace.
When I was breaking, He broke me, and made me whole.
When I was helpless, He saved me.

I don't mean to be...emo, but for the first time in a long time, I have rediscovered joy. I have been, to quote so many, surprised by joy. The joy of Jesus Christ. The peace that passes all understanding, is now guarding me in Christ Jesus.

I have apologies to make.
I have people to thank.
I have wrongs to make right.
But beyond all that, I have a God that would love a creature, so small, so selfish, that has drawn a circle around himself, and excluded everything beyond it, and that same God took such a creature, lifted his head, and brought him out of his suffering.

Thank you God. Thank you.

Amazing Grace

2008-09-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

This morning in SGBS, Jason asked us to think about what our lives would be like without the intervention of God's Grace. I think mine would go a little something like this:

I'd probably be a musician in a band, and into drugs. I'd probably stuck in some apartment somewhere with a girlfriend that I have sex with about once or twice a week, or whenever we feel like it, smoking pot and popping pills. I probably wouldn't have much of a relationship with my family, but I'm willing to bet I'd still love them, just at a distance. I would probably be very smart, but also very self-serving and something of a schemer, and maybe a thief.

Where would I be without Grace right now?

Angry. Angry, and more alone than I sometimes already feel. Probably also wouldn't have a whole lot -- no RA job, no internship, nada. I'd probably also struggle with serious depression and I might even cry myself to sleep at night, or become an alcoholic. I probably wouldn't blog much either. It's very likely I wouldn't even be at UMHB anymore.

Kind of crazy to think how amazing grace is.

Entertaining Angels

2008-09-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life."

-- Socrates

Love the One(s) You're With

2008-09-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

Dani Beth's most recent blog is an encouragement to me. Well, they are words that should encourage me, and remind me of what I already know.
Maybe it's just simple reinforcement. I'm not sure.
But I appreciate it all the same, and I marvel at God's timing.

Something Heavenly

2008-09-11T05:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, it has been a while since I last posted. I hope you missed me.

Lately, the song "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real has been more than encouraging to me. In fact, it's been the song that encourages me to not to lose heart at times. For better or worse, life is progressing forward and God is bringing me along for the ride. It's not easy. In fact, I find a lot of the time things breathed directly from the mouth of God are often some of the most difficult things to do, swallow.
Nevertheless, I am here. I am finding joy more often, and finding that it is oftentimes much more accessible than I would have myself believe. It is encouraging to me, now, at the end of my day(s), to sit and realize that the day is done and I have some joy. Or at the least, peace. It's comforting, and it's encouraging.
School is in full swing, now, and I have gone to every class once and worked on classwork for every class at least once. I am also experiencing what it is like to not have the monies to pay for foods and other necessities. That is an experience. That is an experience.
I have also begun to re-evaluate my position on "Casual Dating." It was first a very logically-driven thought for me, but now that I'm experiencing it in the practical, I'm beginning to wonder more about it. If I ever revise my policy, I might let you guys know, or I might forget. Anyhow.

"Beware the bareness of a busy life."
-- Socrates

I think it's a good quote.
Love,

geoff

With thankfulness and devotion, to you, our purple white and gold

2008-08-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

Empathy -- 1. the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it 2. the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to,vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts and experiences fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also the capacity for this
Empathetic -- involving, eliciting, characterized by, or based on empathy

Sympathy -- 1a. an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherin whatever affects one similarly affects the other b. mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it c. unity or harmony in action or effect 2a. inclination to think or feel alike; emotional or intellectual accord b. feelings of loyalty; tendency to favor or support 3a. the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings o interests of another b. the feeling or mental state brought about by such sensitivity 4. the correlation existing bewteen bodies capable of communicating their vibrational energy to one another through some medium
Sympathetic (1) -- existing or operation through an affinity, interdependence, or mutual association 2a. appropriate to one's mood, inclinations, or disposition b. marked by kindly or pleased appreciation 3. given to or marked by, or arrising from sympathy, compassion, friendliness, and sensitivity to others' emotions 4. favorably inclined 5a. showing empathy b. arousing sumpathy or compassion 6a. of or relating to the sympathetic nervous system b. mediated by or acting on the sympathetic nerves 7. relating to musical tones produced by mpathetic vibration or to strings so tuned as to sound by sympathetic vibration.

Nobody said it was easy

2008-08-20T07:10:00.000-07:00

Life has been going crazy fast lately. Crazy fast, everywhere. Moving out, moving in, moving other people in, checking people in, training, laundry, friends at night, the Olympics -- oh, the list could go on and on.

Fortunately, I've found myself a small pocket of time here and now to put just a small somethin' somethin' up. Things are going okay, but like I said, crazy fast. I think in the next few days things will slow down and get easier. But for now, a lotta lotta isn't all giggles and fun. Good news is that I'm really enjoying my apartment. That is great news, and that my roommate hopefully moves in today. But, we shall see, we shall see. Hopefully yes, but you never know, sometimes, with this guy, hahaha...

Okay, thanks for reading lovers.

Like endless rain into a paper cup

2008-08-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

So, the vacay was good. I liked very much this last visit to Mexico, mainly because I got to do all the things I wanted to do. That, my friends, was fun. Snorkled, kayaked, cliff-jumped, swam, volleyballed, soccered (actually footballed), ate, drank, was merry. Pretty decent get away, if I do say so myself.
Problems, though:

wicked nasty gash on my left foot. I think it's from sand volleyball
the runs. That's right, I have diarrhea. Sorry if you didn't want to know, but now you do
dry skin. My skin is all itchy and dry, I think it's from the sand, salt, and sun

That's about it, I think. So, yeah, 'twas a good va-cay.
Did manage to discover a brand new pair (new to me) of sunglasses on the ocean floor, though. They're very...chic, very Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, very Paris Hilton. Not very Geoff, but they're free and they work, so they'll stay until they break.
This week I have two assignments due, a quiz, and a final, all between now and Thursday. Wish my freaking luck. As of right now I still have an 87.5 out of 200 on my midterm. Not real sure what I did wrong, so I'm hoping the final grade for the midterm still hasn't been posted yet. Haven't heard anything from my prof, but word on the street from one of my classmates is that they have been posted. I sure would like some confirmation.

Good night friends

Battle Without Honor or Humanity

2008-07-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

This is my new favorite song in the world.
And, to clarify, I never stated in my previous blog that "casual dating" is all that I wanted out of life, just that my thoughts had brought me to those conclusions. Thanks for the advice everyone, but I wasn't writing with the intent on being a...player or something for the rest of my life. Just writing out my thinking. But thanks all the same.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.

Adios amigos

-Edit-
This video is pretty epic too, it's the trailer for Kill Bill. One of my favs, without a doubt.

Adios, for real

Something Beautiful

2008-07-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

So, I've recently been overcome by thoughts about dating. Dating, relationships, marriage, and even having children. Yes, spawn of my own. Brace yourself, World.
Jerry Seinfeld once said "Make no mistake, these babies are here to replace us." Very humorous. But, I think my thinking begins with the question "Do I want to have children? Do I want to raise a son or a daughter?" I think my answer would then be, "Yeah, some day." The best way I see fit to raise a child is with a healthy, balanced relationship between both mother and father (yes, this is extremely idealistic, especially in today's sub-atomic families, but please bear with me). So what does this mean to me? If I want a child, the best way to raise him or her is within a relationship very similar to marriage. Okay, I can deal with that.
So, I guess then I would have to get married. Let me be very transparent -- I LOVE THAT IDEA. But let me very transparent once more -- MARRIAGE SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I'll paint you an example:
I started off the summer very possessive of the affections of one (1) particular girl, and had the singular ambition of pursuing her through the course of summer leading into a more-than-just-friends relationship. Now I'm not so sure I want to even get married (unless to have good kids. of course). Okay. In a few months' (actually weeks') time I've moved from desiring this one (1) particular girl to being skiddish at the mere thought of a forever relationship. Now, duh, these aren't exactly polar opposites. But, my likes and dislikes in regards to relationships have changed from an interest in a girl who seemed pretty ideal to possibly remaning single and celebate for life. If my heart can move that much from May to mid-July, who knows what it'll do over the course of a marriage, which is forever? Certainly not I; I figured I would be half-way endeared into her heart by now.
So, the point of this scenario is that I'm not ready for marriage yet, and thus I'm a bit scared of it, and rushing into it. Therefore, I don't really feel like chasing after a sincere, serious, more-than-just-friends relationship. I'm not scared of that relationship, I just don't want it right now, sorta...
So, what options am I left with? I don't know. Let's see. I like people, I like meeting new people, I like getting to know new people, I like spending time with familiar faces, I enjoy going on dates, I enjoy the flirting and the coy responses and the thrill of the "hunt," so clearly I could do some dating if I wanted. But, what kind of dating do I do? I can't go back on all that I've just said. Maybe just casual dating? Does that work? What does casual dating involve?
I don't know.
I don't think I've ever investigated the idea of casual dating. I've seen movies and TV shows that depict it, but I've never really ventured out into it. I think I might like it, really. I'm not looking for huge commitment -- hence the previous about marriage. I don't feel like I really need somebody to bolster me emotionally or socially -- I've got great friends that support me emotionally and I'm social enough on my own to have a good time. I don't really feel like I'm in that great of a position right now to be a spiritual leader in a relationship -- that's not to say my spiritual life or "walk with God" is shipwrecked, I just mean it in that I'm a bit of A Work in Progress myself, so I don't know just yet if I'm cut out for leading another person in that role. So, yeah, casual dating? Maybe it's for me? What would I do in a casual dating relationship? What approach would I take to it?

"Hi, my name's Geoff. We know each other decently well enough, would you like to hang out sometime? Maybe we could have coffee, tea, enjoy Happy Hour at Sonic, or dinner sometime? My intentions are much like my expectations -- I want to get to know you better. What do you say?"

So, tell me what you think, please. I'm not saying this is my final resolution on dating, because as I've already said my opinion has changed from May to now, it can very well change from now to tomorrow. But, this is where my thinking has left me lately. Not hungrily anticipating the next serious relationship I can get myself into, but interested in all the learning opportunities of life still to come my way.

You Are Welcome Here

2008-07-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

So, a few things I learned/to learn from my Super Summer experience.

Despite my tiny and small and timid expectations, God can yield big results
The King of the Universe loves me and I am His favorite
The world may appear to have forgotten me, but God has not
Blessings are all around me, I have only to adjust my perspective
God loves me, and He has blessed me
God wants His people to know He's here, and He's calling us to action

As I was typing this, I realized not a single one of these is a complaint, and everyone relates directly to God. It ammuses me that I can spend a week in a strange and new environment, and walk out knowing only new things about God, and my relationship with Him.

For those of you who don't know, I went to Super Summer as a sponsor for the youth in my younger sister's youth ministry. I was assigned to Orange School, or students just having completed the 9th grade, going into the 10th grade. 15 year olds, mostly. I had 12 to co-"babysit" and lead, really, all week long with a girl from Dickinson, Texas. It was fun.

I met a lot of new people, and saw a few old and familiar faces. Great chance to see and meet some UMHB Alumni (almost all were mid-90s grads), and get to know a few youth ministers from various places around the state of Texas. One offered me an internship, one was a good friend to me the entire week. Got a business card from one friend there, and another I encouraged to apply to UMHB.

The joy and perspective God granted me and allowed me while I was at Super Summer was a much needed rescue in the middle of the summer. In fact, I don't know how I could have made it this far without Super Summer there to save me. I am ever so thankful for the joy and experience and memories that I carry with me now from the past week. If you prayed for me even a little bit at all while I was gone, thank you.

As the Spirit begins to strike me, I'll continue to post more things from my week. And if you're reading this and you were with me last week, let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you friend.

Even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life

2008-07-03T22:13:00.001-07:00

So, I like Batman. In fact, I've liked Batman since...oh...since I was a kid. Knee-high to a grasshopper, in fact!

Don't think this is about the new movie, it's not. In fact, it has very little to do with the movie (comes in two weeks, in case you were wanting a tip). What it does have to do with, is Batman's -- or maybe just Bruce Wayne's -- discipline.
When I watch Batman battle the bad guy, what amazes me the most is his ability to stay disciplined and focused on the goal at hand. In the episode this most came clear to me, he was poisoned by the Riddler, or maybe the Penguin. Anyway, this toxin caused him to go crazy and do what he would otherwise NOT do. He attacked Robin and Batgirl, and was serving the will of the villain.
Then, after much pleading on behalf of his sidekicks, he stopped fighting them, and the struggle internalized. All of a sudden, he began to fight off the effects of the poison. And soon, he was free.
How it resonated within me was as an equation of sin and discipline in my Christian life. I'm a fallen creature that is sinful. I fall to temptation to do things I don't want to do (this is biblical, by the way), and have a hard time doing the things I want to do. I need to be like Batman, and fight the temptation to do what I shouldn't, and instead do what I know (deep down, beyond all the temptations) I ought to do.
If you get nothing out of this, please know that we can beat temptation and sin. Not on our own, but with the grace of God, but sin and tempation can be beaten.

Come Sail Away

2008-06-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know why or from where this urge comes, but I have fallen head over heals. I can't remember the last time anything material brought me such consistent satisfaction.
What is the object of my affection?
Oh, it is the beauteous sounds of Styx, more specifically, the song "Come Sail Away."
Now, before we all jump on the boat against my likings, I will be the first to admit that they do come off a bit like a Queen knock-off band. But that does not derail my enthusiasm for this song.
This morning as I was shredding paper at work I put my iPod on "Shuffle" and the first song out of the starting gate was in fact, "Come Sail Away." Now, since Memorial Day Weekend this song has gone from being played once to nearing the bottom position of my "Top 25 Most Played" playlist.
I. LOVES. IT.
'Nough said. I texted my Twitter this morning about what a good time I was having listening to Styx. I just love this song. It's beginning to rival Boston's "More Than A Feeling."

That's all I really have to say. I guess if you were interested in more news, I would tell you that last night I started my first Star Wars marathon of the summer with Jeremy (Kee), and we were later joined by Patrick McDonald. That was fun.
Oh, my cell phone sucks. It turns itself off about once a day now. That's kind of disturbing. Plus it also goes "Restricted" about once a week. That's comforting, but not really. If anyone knows what could be going wrong please tell me. I've been to three different AT&T stores in less than a month and the most help I got was a new SIM card and a number for a man who repairs cracked face plates.
All right.
Go listen to Styx. I recommend it.

Spirit in the Sky

2008-06-16T20:00:00.001-07:00

I know, I know, I just posted a blog. Please, by all means, go read the one below this one and be sure to check the link. It's a great idea.
But, I had to post again when I found this. This video could possibly capture the attention of my heart for all time best video EVER!!!!
I hope you enjoy it somewhat as much as I do.

Up from the ground come a bubblin' crude!

2008-06-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

This is so cool. Please check it if you get the chance.

Also, I hate the spanish language now. Well, not really. Just TC. Or, maybe I just hate taking spanish from TC. Yeah, that could definitely be it.
Good news, though, I got to talk to Katie Leibert on Saturday. That was most definitely the highlight of my weekend. Or maybe the HSM marathon with the little sister(s)...no, definitely Katie.
And both she and Landon got my letters. That was good to know too.
I looked at grad schools today. Foreign languages and spanish/portugese at UT, and Truett Seminary. Oh, and BH Carroll Theological Institute also. Finally figured out what a M.A.C.E. is.

Sorry, nothing interesting here, today, kids.

All that is within me cries

2008-06-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

Isn't it great to know that at the end of a long and crappy day Jesus' victory on the cross is our joy?
It is for me.
I have too much spanish, so much work, I stink, I'm gross, I'm tired my toes hurt, and my back is sore and I'm slowly going broke suffering over the rising cost of gas. But Christ's death on the cross is my joy, and that's all the comfort I need to smile right now.
Please be blessed.
Good night.

So few words...

2008-06-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

In all actuality, I have quite a few words, and just not the time to express them.

My prayer is this, short and simple: "God, you are surprised by NONE of this. You have given me everything I need, help me to see to live a wholistic life. You did not create fragments, you created whole beings. Help me to live a wholistic life."

Or at least, it's something along those lines. I won't lie, there is exteme joy in my life. And I love it. But there also is some tension, some sadness, and some confusion. I don't aim to let those dilute my joy, but I don't aim to forget them either. Really, I just want to love more, and love better through all of the tension, sadness, and confusion.
I guess I should say/pray this: "God, teach me and show me how to live a life that brings you more glory, and protect me from the evil one."
I guess, really, I should just pray: "God, teach me how to pray. Please."

Amen.

How can I keep from singing your praise?

2008-06-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

My title has very little to do directly with this blog. This will just be a short snippet about prayer. Lately, I've realized I have a lot of free time on my hands. So with that free time, I've decided to invest it in prayer for my friends. I have friends that are in Belton, Boerne, New Braunfels, Austria, Africa, at home, away, here, there, and yon. I feel like the least I can do is pray for them for encouragement and protection, but if I have the opportunity to do better, I will.
So last night, as I was talking to Meg Roe, I asked her if there were specific things that I could pray for her for. It was in the middle of me asking this that this quote, more or less, fell out of my mouth:

"My prayers aren't mechanic, they are organic. You aren't some cog in my prayer machine, you are a seed that has been planted in my prayer garden. I'm wanting to learn how to care and pray for you better, more effectively."

I don't know how you feel about it, but I figured I should at least tell somebody. Plus, if I write it down, I'll have a harder time forgetting.
Thanks guys :)

Oops, I did it again!

2008-06-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

I became a bad blogger.
It happens, I guess. Every blog I've used has had its low-swinging moments. It happened to me with Xanga, on Myspace, and especially here on Blogger. In fact, I've a blog I specifically block out so other people won't find it because it became so bad.
I wonder why this happens. Why do I go through cycles of blogging? My best blogging usually comes in the summer, or at moments of extreme free time or pressure, but why do I eventually put out "Meh" blogs? Does this happen to anyone else other than me?
Maybe my blogging is actually fairly normal and typical, it just happens to fail some of my standards some of the time. I don't really know.
Matthew Irvine (IT guy for FBC Belton) told me some woman somewhere makes $70k a month off of her blog. She puts up Google Ads and make about $1 each time some one clicks on an ad, and brings home 5 figures a month. Her husband quit his job because she was making so much money. I don't know if I'll ever have that compelling of content to draw in readers that regularly.
What I do know, however, is that I'll keep blogging. I'll keep writing, I'll keep thinking. I'll keep finding ways to re-invent myself as a blogger. So as I journey out into the void of searching for a better me to blog about, I'll leave you with a quote from my weekend.

"Those vows were pretty serious. Marriage seems like a pretty legit deal, I'm not sure if it's for me. I think I'll just have monogamous sex for the rest of my life."
--me

Here Comes the Bride

2008-05-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

So, the girlfriend I had three years ago this summer is now engaged. He proposed to her this weekend.
That is so weird to me. A girl I dated is going to be married soon. So weird. Maybe not to some of my readers, but to me, a 20 year old nothing, that's weird.
But then it got me thinking.
What would be my wedding song one day...?
Here are some of my thoughts.

"Fix You," by Coldplay
"How to Save a Life," by the Fray
"Ms. New Booty," by Bubba Sparx
"Golddigger," by Kanye West
"Everything's Not Lost," by Coldplay
"Don't Panic," by Coldplay
"Lonely Day," by Phantom Planet
"Bad Day," by Daniel Powder
"Highway to Hell," by AC/DC
"Giving it Over," by the Newsboys
"Taking Care of Business," by BTO -- Bachman Turner Overdrive
"I Want You To Want Me," by Cheap Trick
"Live and Let Die," by Paul McCartney and Wings
"Stuck in the Middle With You," by Stealers Wheel
"Save Me," by Remy Zero
"Wave Goodbye," by Steadman
"It Won't Be Long," by the Beatles
"Happiness is a Warm Gun," by the Beatles
"All You Need is Love," by the Beatles
"He's a Tramp," from Disney's "The Lady and The Tramp"
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart," by Elton John and Kiki Dee
"I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues," by Elton John
"Barracuda," by Heart

Okay, so yeah, there's a lot to choose from. I just pulled these off of my iTunes, so if you think you've got one that should make the list, LET ME KNOW!

I need a change of sceneryyyyyyyyy!

2008-05-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

Those are really lyrics to a song, I promise. "Pleasant Valley Sunday," by The Monkees.
Well, I'm back from the UK. I didn't catch gingivitis, or any bad teeth disease. My plane didn't crash. I wasn't part of a bomb blast in the Tube. I'm here. I'm alive. I'm back.
I know that sounds pretty graphic, maybe pretty gross, but I had the...gloomiest and...doomiest(?) feelings about my trip. I just felt like something awful was lurking around every corner.
Turns out that there was nothing there.
So, yeah. I'm back.
I know that Jeff Wetherbee wants an update. I'll give a brief rundown of things.
Monday, 5/5 -- Fly from Dallas to Houston, Houston to Newark, NJ, and from Newark, NJ to Manchester, UK
Tuesday, 5/6 -- Land in Manchester, UK. Drive from the airport to Saltburn by the Sea, a tiny seaside town in Middlesbrough right on the edge of the North Sea -- and let me tell you, she (the North Sea) is a cold, cruel mistress. Meet up with our host homes and spend most of the rest of our time with our hosts. Here was where I first experience a "parma." A rare "delicacy" of the people of the area. Ask me about it sometimes. It's not too bad.
Wednesday, 5/7 -- Were the guests at an assembly for two different schools, then spent time in schools doing RE -- Religious Education -- lessons, teaching and telling them about Christianity. Also played soccer during their PE time and after school. That night we went this thing called "Just 10," a big evangelistic thing that closely resembled a big-tent revival. The speaker, J John, spoke about the 10 Commandments in reverse order. Started working more seriously on my sermon, as well.
Thursday, 5/8 -- More RE lessons. Some time off to do what we like in the morning, a busy afternoon. Helped out that night with an event known as "Saltburn's Got Talent," a spoof off of "Britain's Got Talent," a spoof off of "America's Got Talent."
Friday, 5/9 -- Litter picking at a car park -- picked up trash at a parking lot by the beach. Some free time to explore the Valley Gardens -- ask me about these sometime -- and then that night did a cool thing with the youth.
Saturday, 5/10 -- Did, pretty much, Beach Reach UK style at the beach on the North Sea; hung out with youth and kids from 11-2 and played games. That night went to Redcar, the next town over, for a few hours while my host did some shopping. I worked on my sermon for the better part of the evening until I was finished, and then went to bed.
Sunday, 5/11 -- I preached a five-minute sermon from Hosea 10:12 in the 9:00, more traditional, Anglican service, and then in the 10:30 service I preached again about the Holy Spirit. That afternoon we had lunch to support Christian Aid -- something they're gung-ho about -- and then that evening there was a very relaxed, informal worship service that was pretty cool. I "ran sound," but really I just sat behind a sound table and messed with different controls for about an hour, or so. After that, I went and got a cheeseburger with jalapenos at a little place down by the train station. Oh, it was so good. Jeremy Kee, my roommate, got one too. We loved it. Oh, and the preaching went well. If you prayed for me about it, thanks.
Monday, 5/12 -- Today, half of us painted over graffiti in one of their "state parks," I guess you could call it. The other half of us picked up trash alongside the road and in the rest of the Valley Gardens for a bit. Then, more RE lessons, two, back-to-back. That evening we helped out with a youth cafe, but what I really did was play soccer outside for about an hour with some of the guys. Twas fun.
Tuesday, 5/13 -- We went to York, a city just up the road a bit. Or down the road. Whatever. We went and toured the York Minster, and wandered about the shops of York and got to do some souvenir shopping. That night when I got home, I was so tired I actually slept through dinner and didn't wake up until the next morning, around 7 o'clock or so.
Wednesday, 5/14 -- Our last day in Saltburn, we did our last RE lesson, and also played soccer in PE with the students. Then we went and looked at the bell tower of the church we were working with. Later that afternoon, we played some more soccer outside with another group of students at another school (primary, middle school, etc.). That night we had a big party at the pastor's house with lots of food for a big send-off for the Americans. Jeremy and I played on the trampoline for the better part of an hour with two of his kids, then went home and packed up our stuff to leave early the next morning. After we finished packing, we watched a little bit of the EUFA Cup Championship between a Scottish team and a Russian team. The Russians won.
Thursday, 5/15 -- This day started entirely too early. At 4 in the morning, Jeremy and I pulled together all our belongings, then went to the church with Mark, our host and the church's youth minister, to be picked up by the bus. Then we rode around the countryside of Britain picking up the rest of the Americans that went to England with us (all 30, or so, of them), and then rode on down the road southward to London. After we got to London, we had a bit of time to ourselves, then went on a tour in a charter bus. This is actually a very...more interesting story than I am revealing here, so if you're curious be sure to ask me about it next time you see me. We also got to go see Buckingham Palace, but the queen wasn't in. After that, we ate dinner at this place called The Texas Embassy. Be sure you ask me about that too. Good story there. Then we had the rest of our time to tour and sight-see and souvenir shop. I bought the rest of my souvenirs at this time, then wandered back to the hotel.
Friday, 5/16 -- Spent the whole day in London, wandering around being a tourist. Went to Abbey Road, saw Big Ben, went to Hyde Park, looked at Westminster Abbey, went to a service at St. Paul's Cathedral, went to two of the British National Museum's, rode the Tube numerous times, and got somewhat familiar with London, and took some cool pictures. Was a great day.
Saturday, 5/17 -- Longest day ever. It started at 4:something UK time, and didn't really end until 9 or 10 something TX time; the two are, by the way, 6 hours a part. Pretty much spent the whole day traveling, mostly on a plane, but also on a bus, a train at IAH, and the car home from the airport. Wasn't a bad day, just a long one.

All in all, not a bad trip. If you want to know more, just ask :)

P.S.
Sorry if there are any grammar/spelling errors

Shine On

2008-05-01T21:04:00.001-07:00

Web source for the latest music: onlylyrics.com
Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There's a fire burning brightly
That's found it's way to dim
When the feeling's gone...

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you're not alone

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead

Shine on shine on shine on shine on won't you won't you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

You gotta have faith!

2008-04-25T21:01:00.001-07:00

I was kind of surprised with these results. Take the quiz and let me know where you fall in line.

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Neo orthodox

61%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

61%

Roman Catholic

54%

Emergent/Postmodern

46%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

46%

Fundamentalist

36%

Classical Liberal

36%

Modern Liberal

25%

Reformed Evangelical

18%

We can work it out!

2008-04-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

I just realized that the titles of my blog posts very rarely have anything to do with what I actually blog about. I'm glad "blog" is now a verb. I think my generation has ruined grammar.

So, once upon a time, a boy made a list. He made a list of all the things he desired in a potential girlfriend. Brown hair...blue eyes...played soccer...on went the list, I'm sure you get the gist.
Then one day that boy went to college, and he started having awkward feelings for girls not on the list. So he said...
"To hell with the list."
...
...
...
Umm, that boy is me.
I don't usually use foul language, in fact, I abhor even my vulgar use of the word "p!ss," however, that's how I feel about my list. I don't like using curse words, and I don't advocate it one bit, for one single moment, but I hope I'm using it in a more literal sense and not in the profane, because that's about how honest I feel towards that list. I'm sorry if I've offended you.
My list has confined me, my list has frustrated me, and my list has set me up for a loss before I ever took the field. I'm finding new ways to play the game, with new people, and with a new sense of......vision for the field, so I'm throwing it out. Well, not the whole list in its complete entirety, but the bulk of it. The materialism: the brown hair, the eye color, the athletic tendencies -- although I value a woman who takes care of her body and who is athletic --and the legalistic process of selecting "suitable" girls. I mean, I'll always remember it and carry it with me, and I'll reference it from time to time, and if I should be so lucky as to date a girl who matched the list well, then that's fine with me. My point is, it is not my starting place any longer. It is......simply a memory of who I used to be.
I think from here I'll probably start redefining what I'm looking for. Re...focusing my lens, if you will, to see what is really out there for me. I don't really know exactly where all this......gumption came from, but it's something that started inside me a few days ago that I really feel like letting out. So, it's out.
Ta DA!

And on the issue of my use of the word "hell" out of it's typical or literal context. I am sorry if I have caused you to stumble. I am sorry if I have offended you. I use that word in the sense of my list is a "curse" that I wish to cast off. By sending it to hell, I guess I feel like I'm rid of it.
To me, it's simple.
Have good weeks. As Meg Roe would say, "be intentional."

Happy Birthday to ME! (and us)

2008-04-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

Good weekend, so far.
Katie Leibert's birthday was on Thursday, April 17th, and she and I had planned on celebrating our birthdays together on Thursday, April 24th, halfway point, you see?
Well, one of her flatmates decided she wanted to take Katie to Pho's (Vietnamese restaurant in Round Rock, Khang claims it's pronounced like "fuhz"). Anyway, the plan was to go on Friday, yesterday, around 4:30 and we would be back by 7:00 PM for me to be on weekend duty in the Ghetto.
On my way over to Katie's flat in Beall, I run into Wade Rogers, who asks me if Landon (Taylor) "got all (my) stuff packed?" Well, having no idea what he was talking about, I can't help him with any sort of affirming information, even though he persists with his questions until we part ways completely (I was walking into the SDO/SLO/Frazier building, he to Gettys).
I make my way out to the apartments to 1) go to Katie's flat; and 2) because I was going to pick up a candle at Erica Valenta's place for Midnight March, last night...or...this morning. At any rate, I'm out in Independence Village. As I leave Erica's apartment, Lindsey Harkrider, who lives there as well, hands me a candle saying it's from her, and gives me an...odd...? yes, odd look as I walk out the door.
Once at Katie's, five of us -- Garrett Smith, Katie Leibert, Hayley Friedman, Lindsey Villareal, and myself -- take off in Lindsey's car towards Pho's, explaining that Landon and Autumn (Woolsey) had gone on ahead of us and would be waiting for us to arrive.
About half way to RR, we make a pit stop at a gas station just outside of Georgetown (Landon's hometown). While mingling around the car, I tell Katie of my odd run-in with Wade earlier at the SDO. She tells me that all of her over-night stuff is gone, and she can't even find her tennis shoes or pillow and blankets. What's more, is that Garrett aparently sent her a text message right after departure from campus telling her that he told "Daniel" that I would not be at Midnight March, and to explain that to Glynis and Erica. Katie replies to this text message courteously, to which Garrett replies, "Oh, wrong number. Hello from the back seat!"
Something is obviously up.
Well, Lindsey manuevers the car back on to I-35, but this time going North, instead of South to RR, and it's clear something is going on. We make a few a turns, we go here, we go there, I ask if I'll still be back in time for duty at 7:00, and Lindsey answers yes.
Eventually, we get lost and wait about 15 minutes for Sterling Kay Parker, of all people, accompanied by Autumn to come to our rescue and take us to our destination.
After a few more minutes of driving around the more scenic routes of Georgetown, and a few more wrong turns, we find ourselves entering a Texas state park. Sterling and Autumn pay for our entry into the park, and we follow the winding road deeper and deeper into the park. We finally stop, park, and get out, at a camp site maybe 100 yards off of the water's edge of Lake Georgetown, furnished with a tent, two kayaks, fishing poles, our clothes for a night's stay, and Landon scurying around the site perparing things for us, Katie and me. Everyone I ran into from Gettys to Beall, from Wade to Garrett and from Lindsey Villareal to Lindsey Harkrider, knew about it.
Our friends put together a surprise birthday camp-out at Lake Georgetown, just for us. We had 6 kayaks for 8 people, ribs for dinner, and afterwards a camp fire and smores. I even made a torch out of a log, rolled up newspapers, and cooking spray. Twas fun. In the morning, this morning really, we fished, we kayaked, and we ate smores and granola bars for breakfast. Katie and I paddled across the lake to some cliffs, got out, walked around, and found a football to throw back and forth to each other on the way back. All in all, it was a great birthday.
Thank you friends, I love you. I dedicate this birthday, and this blogpost, to you guys.
Lovelovelove

geoff

I ain't sayin she's a gold digger

2008-04-11T11:54:00.001-07:00

So, apparently, my birthday is coming up. April 30th, to be exact. Saturday, April 30th, 1988, 8:39 PM, 8 lbs. 10 oz. Yeah, that's me.
Umm, so, tradition in my family has been in the past for people to make a list for birthdays and Christmas and stuff, so, here's my list. If you want to get me something off of it, I would not stop you. But if you don't, I understand that our relationship is completely immaterial. Thanks.

Juno soundtrack
Juno
Kill Bill Vol. 1&2
Kill Bill soundtrack
Across the Universe soundtrack
Garden State soundtrack
iHome
iTunes gift cards
Gift cards to the following places: Whataburger, Taco Bell, Starbucks, Sonic, Wal*Mart, Target
Free tuition
A house
Pirates of the Caribbean Soundtrack (all 3, if possible, but definitely the second one if I had to choose)
A Collision, by David Crowder
Make Believe, be Weezer
Stadium Arcadium, by Red Hot Chilipeppers
Lucky Number Slevin -- it's a movie
M*A*S*H the series, on DVD
Adapter for my iPod so I can listen to it in the car, and charge it at the same time

That's about all I've got for now, but rest assured there will probably be more later.

There's a breeze blowin' through, here tonight

2008-04-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

I think those are the right words. Oh well.

A lot of things have been going on lately. I think most of blogs have been rushed through to the end so I can feel some sense of accomplishment for posting a new blog. I guess it's just that time of year again, when time is too short, and the schedule is too full. I don't know.
I finalized my schedule for the fall today, for the last time. I'm taking 14 hours, Psychology of Leadership (3 hrs), Abnormal Psychology (3 hrs), Christian Counseling in a Church Setting (3 hrs), Intermediate Greek I (the first semester, which is 4 hrs), and the Honors Seminar (1 hr). I don't think it'll be too much, especially since I'm on the decline with responsibility and on-campus involvement.
I won't be doing SGA (heartbreaking, really), I don't have any plans on coming back as an RA, so far. I will be involved with Student Foundation and searchCRU, which each take only about 1 to 2 days a month, so I should be good. And of course, I'll still be interning at FBC Belton. Hopefully, with a bit of a raise this time around.
Umm, still don't have a place to live in the fall, either. I've had a few different offers for the summer, but I haven't really investigated any of them to the furthest extent. Maybe I'll get to that this week.
I'm also planning on taking Spanish at TC this summer. Hopefully that'll work out for me and I can work on my minor. Hopefully.
Encouraging chat with KB today. It was good, but I haven't showered since Saturday night, so I do not smell good. I do not smell good.

Okay. This has been a bit of a ramble, but I just needed to unload a few things off of my plate. I hope all is well with you and yours.
Later Days Y'all

Hey Baby Hey Baby HEY!

2008-04-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

So, I made the decision yesterday that I want good music to listen to for....meditation purposes. I don't mean meditation in the goofy, New Age, Middle Eastern meditation to reach Nirvana, but for those quiet moments when I'm trying to think or reading and pouring through scripture. Something to help my ponderings to flow smoother.
I'm looking for something good, too. Something with significant musical substance, slower tempo and beat, but still fluid and moving. Something melodic and peaceful, not so boxy like punk or ska or rock. Does that make sense?
I know there are quite a few of you that read my blog, or at least have in the past. Mary, Glynis, Dani Beth to name a few, Khang, Steven Hill, and KB to name a few more. I hope somewhere between the six of you and everyone else that wasn't named I can find enough to put together a nice playlist.
I'm looking for anything from one specific song, to a really good artist, to something you heard once upon a time in an elevator or while on hold with Bank of America. I'll swing for anything Christian, classical, jazz, or maybe some decent New Age Enya type stuff. But, please don't be offended if I don't take to it. We're all different after all, aren't we?
Thanks!

When I say Hillshire, you say Farms!

2008-03-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

So tired.
Stunt Night is over. Awards were won, fun was had. It was a long hard process, but I enjoyed the whole thing.
Still a lot of work to do this semester. I need to NOT fail Biblcical Backgrounds and to PASS British Literature. I also need to figure out by 3 PM tomorrow what I'll be doing this summer, and then find a place to live in the fall.
Okay, wish I had more time and better thoughts to more properly update. Stunt Night was good, though, that's worth mentioning.
All right, I need to gets going.
Night.

Take a sad song, and make it better

2008-03-20T22:06:00.001-07:00

Spring Break, so far, in a nutshell.

Sunday -- church and drive to Tucumcari, NM
Monday -- Grandma sick, lot of spanish studying done, trip to Sonic
Tuesday -- More spanish, go for a walk, fall asleep to Jericho
Wednesday -- Early morning, mom sick, go for a run, dinosaur museum, Gilmore Girls, me sick, 5 hour nap
Thursday -- me still not-so-great, 8 hour drive home, Mavs lose to Celtics

So far, meh, oh well. There's not much to report here. Except that I like The Beatles and that I threw up.
Hope to update more later.
Night

It's gettin' hot in here

2008-03-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

So, apparently we're doing some thing here at FBC to reduce costs and save money on things, or something of that nature, because I've been getting emails for a few days now about helpful ways to not spend the church's money.
Yeah.
I'm sure I was told somewhere along the line what these emails are for, but I've long since forgotten, so I won't attempt to fill in the why.
Anyway, here's the one I got today, well, synopsized.

" Today’s tip for reducing operational expenditures is to dress appropriately for the seasons and the comfort level of your work area. Keep a sweater in your office instead of adjusting the thermostat.
According to Baylor University, (for heating) you will save about 3% on your heating bill for every 1° that you lower the thermostat setting. For example, if you normally keep your thermostat set at 75° all the time, and you lower it by 3° to 72°, you will save about 9% (3x3%) on your heating bill. In other words, you will save about 9 cents for every dollar you spend on heating costs.
The opposite is true for cooling. So, adjusting your body temperature rather than the room temperature could easily allow for more money to go to missions and ministries."

Then, a bit later I received this email:

So, a 3° change in the thermostat can save us 9% in energy. If we were able to reduce energy consumption by 9% across the board, we would add an additional $18,530 to the church’s budget. No additional tithing required!

Umm, I'd love to unpack my thoughts about this, but I won't. Just know that I find it funny.
Simply funny :)

It's the end of the world as we know it

2008-03-07T22:52:00.000-08:00

But I don't really feel fine.
I'm going to have to say something about this before it kills me inside and out. It's really bugging me.
One of my friends has, apparently, had a crush on my best friend for...quite a while now, evidently. I had no idea about it until sometime midway through last semester when I accidentally stumbled upon it. I shook it off and said it wouldn't change things and still kept on making every attempt at keeping the relationships normal.
Well, some time early this semester things got weird. All of a sudden, my best friend's schedule cleared right up and now he has plenty of time to spend hanging out with people. Well, seeing the opportunity and doing what any normal person with a crush would do, my other friend began to call my best friend nonstop to hang out.
Where does this leave me? Screwed, pretty much.
My best friend became free about the same time my year got really hectic, and all of a sudden I don't ever get to see anyone anymore. It gets worse, from my perspective, when every time I stumble upon either of these two friends they seem to be not far apart.
I don't want or mean to take away from their friendship, but I'm not an idiot. She's got it bad for him, and so she's going to make more of an effort for him, especially since she knows he's available and isn't tied down with class and other commitments on campus.
I'm happy that he's got free time, and I'm happy that she's getting to spend so much time with, evidently, the guy she's been dreaming of for quite some time now. The only thing is, I've been in the middle of this watching it happen, and now I'm left out. I've tried talking about it and addressing this specifically and all I've gotten is a "No, Geoff, things won't change, we'll still be friends." And yet, you know what? We're not. She does not even call me anymore.
Oh well. I guess if I wasn't a good enough friend for her to keep me around when things get tough for me and sweet for her, then I'm better off without her, but the thing is I really thought we were.
I'm not saying all these things to sign off a friendship that used to be pretty good, I'm just trying to get my feelings out. I've tried talking about this with several people, and quite honestly nobody wants to listen, or the people who do listen to me won't do anything about it to help me. I'm not fishing for pity and sympathy or encouragement or compliments or anything real specific of that nature, I just want to get it out and off my chest. Because right now, as it stands, I feel as if I've got one real friend left that I can talk with. And unfortunately, for the both of us, I can't tell him this secret. Because it's about him.
That
Just
Sucks

I Dare You to Move

2008-02-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said something like "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
There are several ways you could unpack that. As it pertains to me, it means you could be getting the same result each time and are looking to get a new one. With this clarification, let me make one thing clear.
I have, apparently, gone insane.
For the third or fourth time now this semester, I have found my way back to doing the exact same thing I have been doing for a while now. I may have strayed from it into a path of anger for a brief period of time, but I eventually come back to wanting the same thing; and thus doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
To be honest, being insane -- by this definition -- is kind of weird, and maybe a little bit fun. For a while I considered that either I was crazy and everyone else normal, or I was the only normal one left and everyone else had lost their minds. Now I know I need to rearrange my mental furniture back to sanity. Hmm. That's fun to think about.
But, what about this thought? Jesus loved and loved and loved over and over and over again. That didn't stop him from going to the Cross. That didn't stop him from rising again. Jesus did the same thing every day, ushering in the Kingdom of God.
I guess you could say "Well, Jesus knew the heart of men, so His expectations each day were different because He knew everything that would happen. So, He wasn't really insane."
True, very true. But I'd like to believe that at the very least, Jesus had hope each day that the Kingdom would be just a little bit closer when the sun went down. And that He faced each day with enthusiasm that the world could be a better place. Maybe that's not complete insanity, but it does seem crazy, at least a little bit.
So for me, what do I do? I don't know. Try to go crazy, I guess. Try to face each day with some kind of enthusiasm that has hope and love for the world that it will be a better place by the time I go to bed at night. What do I do?
I hope. I love.

1st Corinthians 13:13
"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

The earth was shaking in the dark

2008-02-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

So, I've listened to Phil Wickham's "True Love" almost a million times in the past week, and I bought it just Sunday.
Umm.
I'm going through a particularly painful and dark season of life. If I were to put it in terms of God painting on His canvas, I would say these are the dark strokes that clearly define where and who I am, and where and who I am not.
If it weren't for Passion this weekend, I'm not sure I would be able to make it through without being consumed by my anger, pain, frustration, and bitterness. But because of Passion, I know that God is taking care of me, and I'll be fine.
I've been reading a lot lately in Hosea and Luke. I plan to read all of Luke by the time Easter rolls around, and I'll finish Hosea whenever I do.
If you could pray for me, that's all I ask. I know not many people read this, and those who do have a tendency not to take me seriously, but that's your loss and I won't account for that, but I would ask you to pray for me.
Thanks

Go on and fold your menu, take a glance, and then you'll be our guest!

2008-02-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

I'm listening to Disney music. Yeah, I am.

So, a new season of Lent is upon us, and in true Protestan tradition, I have given a few things up for 40 days, or about as long as I can last, really.
Two years ago I gave up eating fast food so I could start losing weight and save money. Unfortunately, the Saturday after Mardi Gras my family drove to Galveston to board our cruise ship and we ate at a Wendy's for lunch. Goody goody. And on the drive back, we stopped at some generic Dairy Queen. Yeah, I know, a generic Dairy Queen? Dairy Queen is pretty offbeat itself, but apparently there are people in Central-East Texas who want to copy their style.
Fortunately, I made it the rest of the season without eating fast food, but I don't think I lost any weight. Oh well. I think I did it as a pairs thing with my 5th grade PAL. I can't be sure, but I think I am right.
Last year, I gave up fast food, again, for the same reasons. This time I did save money, and I did lose weight, however I didn't last the entire time. I think I made it all the way up to about a week before Easter before I broke down and went to Whataburger. But in my defense, I was in a bad mood, I had been up since about 6 in the morning, and I'm protestant, so it's not like I had to confess anything to anyone.
This year, to further help myself, I have given up about three things. Fast food, again, carbonated beverages (cokes, pretty much), and shaving. Yes, shaving. I don't know why, but it's fun to say, plus Easter Pageant is coming up, so it'll be nice to see how hairy I can get by that time. I know I've outgrown Josh Hobratsch -- Jesus in this year's Easter Pageant -- about twice in the facial hair department, but I've never let growth set on my face for 40 days. We'll see.
I hope and aim to lose at least some weight this year, save at least some money, and have a wicked scratchy face. Of those two, I think it'll be the latter, though I do have a conditioning class that starts about half way through Lent this year, so maybe I will lose some weight.
On a side note, I love Spring. It's my favorite time of the year. March through about...September are my favorite months. October, November, December, January, February, and the first little bit of March have never been my favorite times of the year.
So maybe, just maybe, this Spring time will be even better. Maybe I'll stick to my fast for once. We'll see.
We'll see.

Ode to an Ice Cream Sandwich

2008-02-05T09:46:00.000-08:00

I wrote this little diddly today after I left the SUB, with an ice cream sandwich in hand.

Ice Cream Sandwich, in my mouth
Ice Cream Sandwich, this is what it's all about

Ice Cream Sandwich, you taste so good
Ice Cream Sandwich, you're my favorite food

Ice Cream Sandwich, all on my fingers
Ice Cream Sandwich, I love the taste that lingers

Ice Cream Sandwich, so chocolatey and sweet
Ice Cream Sandwich, I don't need any meat.

Okay, I'm done.

Tomorrow is Another Day

2008-02-04T04:40:00.000-08:00

Yeah, a country song for the title of my blog. Never thought I'd see the day.

So, recently I started wearing a purple wrist band (like the ones Lance Armstrong made with LIVESTRONG on it) that had 2:14 written. This is to remind me of Philippians 2:14, or to remind me not to complain or grumble. It's called the "2:14 Challenge," or something like that. You wear the wrist band around your wrist and the challenge is to go 21 days without grumbling or compaining -- the experts say it takes about 21 days to develop a habit. But, whenever you grumble or compain you're supposed to switch it over to the other wrist and start over on a new day 1.
So far I've made it to Day 1 about 8 times, but the good news is I'm only switching it about once a day. And if you've read any of my blog, you know I like to complain, so for me to be cutting back to about once a day is pretty good!

In the wonderful world of sports -- of which I am a fan, although somewhat passive -- the New England Patriots choked on the Super Bowl. Khang, say whatever you want about the Mavs or the Cowboys, but I'm pretty sure NEITHER of them ever blew a perfect season at the 'ship. Brag all you want about how you hate Dallas, but Brady and the boys had their chance to write their names on history and greatness, and instead they choked. There were no ridiculous fouls or penalties, they just gave it away.
The thing I'm looking forward to most in all of this after the fact that the Pats choked and lost, is all the cool commercials that will be coming out with Peyton and Eli. I mean, think about it. Two brothers win back-to-back Super Bowls. Don't tell me the media won't like that. We have Charles Barkley and Dwyane Wade making commercials for T-Mobile because they've both played basketball at some point in their lives, we will be seeing something of the Manning brothers and their back-to-back rings.

In other news, I hate school. I have a class in just over an hour that is disastrous that I don't want to go to. Yeah. It sucks. Biblical Backgrouns. I guess now that I've complained about class it's time for me to switch my band.
I am also suffering through an epidemic with friends. Not just the usual sickness that is going around and extra-bad this year, but a lot of my friends are scattering off into weird places in life. Some have built relationships with people out of insecurity, some have become exclusive and snobbish, some have just become people I don't even know anymore. It's kind of sad, but I'm grateful and glad for the friends who are still here with me.
Thanks guys.
One thing that I've learned here recently is something Kevin said a while back. Life doesn't get easier. We have to get stronger. As we grow up and travel further through life, we have to get tougher or else we'll get knocked down and never get up. Instead of praying "God make tomorrow easier," we should be praying "God make me stronger for tomorrow." For a while now life has been too much of too much, and not enough of the things I'm needing. I've been praying "God make it easier on me" and "Why God, why?" a little too much and not enough of "God, please make me stronger for what is to come." I don't know why life doesn't get any easier, but it just doesn't. And it until it does, I guess I'll be praying to be stronger for what is right now, and what is to come.
Okay, I'm out.

Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus

2008-01-29T07:53:00.000-08:00

"Deliver me, out of the sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, Your Strength inside me.
All of my life I've been in hiding,
Wishing there was some one just like You.
Now that You're here,
Now that I've found You,
I know that You're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, loving and sharing.
Deliver me, this cross that I'm bearing.
All of my life, I've been in hiding,
Wishing there was some one just like you.
Now that You're here,
Now that I've found You,
I know that You're the one to pull me through.

All of my life, I've been in hiding,
Wishing there was some one just like you.
Now that You're here,
Now that I've found You,
I know that You're the one to pull me through.

Oh, deliver me.
Oh, deliver me.
Oh deliver me.
Oh deliver me.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust you.
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus."

Do you remember when we used to sing?

2008-01-26T10:48:00.000-08:00

So, I went to CASL this past weekend. The coolest part of it all was either the first session Thursday evening, or last night.
Dr. Tim Elmore was the speaker. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Almost disgusting how incredible he is as a speaker. I felt as if I could start a conversation with him at every word he spoke. Quite incredible.
But, last night was great. I suddenly had free time. For the first time in...almost a month I had nothing but free time to do whatever I wanted. I realized that for almost a month now I've been going and blowing at whatever somebody else told me to do, or some other commitment I had lined up for me.
Dec 30 - Drive to Houston
Jan 2 - Drive home from Houston
Jan 3 - Drive to UMHBelton
Jan 4 - RA training all day
Jan 5 to Jan 8 - RA duty and check in procedures and work at FBC
Jan 9 - First day of class
Jan 11 to 13 - Duty weekend and meetings
Jan 18 to 20 - DNow in Austin
During the week I've had nothing but a combination of class, working at FBC, RA duty, meetings, SGA, and homework, all leaving me with just enough time to sleep, eat, and shower in the margins. Yesterday, I had nothing coming down on me, nowhere I had to be, nothing I was responsible for, no meeting to attend or even lead, absolutely nothing. The first time I've had a completely clear schedule until I decided when and where I was going to do something next.
I'm beginning to wonder how I can learn from this and apply what I can gain to my understanding and implementation of a Sabbath. I mean, from the minute I began to learn about and practice that which is Sabbath I've known that it can't be work, but I don't think it ever fully clicked with me that a Sabbath can be -- and oftentimes should be -- an almost complete withdrawal from society and all the things that abide within your stressors. Now that I'm picking up on that, more loudly than ever now, I'm beginning to look for opportunities to make a better Sabbath for myself not just next time, but more often.
So, yeah. That's my two cents for the weekend. A good time to shut down, withdraw, and reflect.
Enjoy your days off. I surely do.

It's Just Too Good To Be True, Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

2008-01-23T11:49:00.000-08:00

So, over the break I got really bored and started thinking about my family. And I thought, "If I could pick any movie stars to replace the family I have now, who would I choose?" and thus, this blog is born. It came to mind yesterday after I heard about Heath Ledger's tragic death. Not to sound vain or shallow or like one of those girls who can't live without her daily does of TMZ, People, ET, or E!, but his death really saddened me. He was an actor I have loved for as long as I can remember. The Patriot, 10 Things I Hate About You, A Knight's Tale -- I'm digressing but the list could go on. My point is, I will miss Heath Ledger. A lot.
Rest In Peace Heath, I'll miss you.

So, my movie star family.

Father- George Clooney, OR, Harrison Ford
Mother- Julia Roberts
Uncle- Matt Damon or Brad Pitt
Aunt- didn't really get this far, but probably Sandra Bullock
Cousins- Shia LeBouf, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Melissa Joan Hart, and the entire cast of Boy Meets World

Paternal Grandfather- If I choose Clooney as my dad, then I'd pick Alan Alda. If it's Ford, then I'd pick Sean Connery, and no, this has nothing to do with Indianna Jones.
Paternal Grandmother- I can't remember this one at all.
Maternal Grandfather- Charlton Heston, probably
Maternal Grandmother- Julie Andrews

Sister- Liv Tyler or Alexis Bleidel
Brother- Probably one of the Wilson brothers, Luke and Owen
Girlfriend- Keira Knightley, or Megan Fox, but probably Keira
Best Friend- Heath Ledger
Nemesis- Matthew McConaughey and/or Orlando Bloom

Now, I realize that most of my immediate family is taken directly from the "Ocean's" movies, but I really like those actors, so it's no surprise I pick them so much.
Who's in your movie star family?

Blessed Be Your Name

2008-01-21T15:27:00.000-08:00

As the title of my blog indicates, I believe in asking better questions, not more. In an attempt to ring close and true to that maxim, please follow me as I blog.

Is it okay to let the knowledge of your head to carry you through times when the strength of your spirit and the power of your heart don't?
Where do you turn when you no longer feel the immanence of the Promise, Providence, and Presence of God presiding over you?
What do you do when the absolute power of worship fails to connect you to what's is beyond?

I know that I should always carry in my heart a hymn or praise of addoration, appreciation, and submission, but that doesn't stop or help the fact that my life is a mix of chaos right now. I've always said, "Yeah life sucks and times are tough, but I've seen enough in life to know that I should just keep on keeping on." Well, I've hit a wall, and I feel as if I can't keep on keeping on. What do I do?

More Than A Feeling

2008-01-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

Right at the moment, I'm struggling to keep my anger suppressed. It's not too hard, but the fact that I feel that I'm right doesn't make it any easier.

I don't really have much time or much to say, but I can do want to make a few notes.

I do like change
I am very progressive and forward thinking
I am not at a place in my life to where I can keep up with the changing tides

I say all this to say, I feel like I've hit one of my busiest and craziest seasons of life, and suddenly most all of my friends suddenly AREN'T. This is related to the same type of problematic circumstances that inspired the previous posts. To get down to it, I'm really freaking busy and my closest of close friends aren't really busy, so they get to spend all their time together and I get to see glimpses of their lives go by. What makes it worse, is that for the most part most of them don't mind that they get to spend so much of their time together, and when I bring it to their attention that I feel like things are changing and I'm unfortunately and unpermissively being left out, they can't sympathize because things for them are better than ever.
And, to be honest, I can't blame them too much, because they're experiencing genuine fellowship and I'm whining about it. It would be nice to know that they still desired my presence, but I no longer feel that vibe or connection between us. Now, to once again be completely honest, there are....extenuating circumstances surrounding even this event, however I don't want to even le that play out -- in reality, in my mind, or in this blog.
So, yeah. Just know that I've hit probably the busiest season of my life to date, and if I don't feel like I can trust the safety net of friendship that has supported me all along this year, I could fall apart.

And I'm out.

Till He returns, of calls me Home

2008-01-14T14:31:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not as violently angry as I was when I posted last. Thanks to those of you who read it without dismissiveness. I know it was a bit whiney, but sometimes my only outlet for feelings is penning them to paper. Or typing them to blog...? Yeah...

A new semester is now underway, and that means for Mr. Geoff, a new semester of: classes I don't want to go to, commitments, meetings, awkward relationships, busyness (this may be a necessary vice...?), homework, late nights, frustrations, and a new chance to make an A. Honestly, I don't really think I would mind this semester if my life could settle down and I could fit into a comfortable groove, a nice pattern. My schedule is so random and ridiculous more often than not that I find myself burning at both ends until I'm out. Don't get me wrong, I like being involved and I do want to conquer the world, but there is definitely a thing as over-committed and over-my-head. I find myself in both places at once, frequently.
If you read this blog, and you are a praying person, please please please pray for me. Pray that I will have patience and discipline. Pray that I will be surrounded by supportive relationships of love, and that I will support with love the people that I am in relationships with. That was a mouthful to type.
So far, I've put in too many hours, felt too burdened and hurt, and not found enough down time, peace, and joy. I have a few select relationships that I absolutely cherish here on campus, and when I don't get my fill per week I get cranky and irritable. I wonder if I could put that into words with those people. Maybe, maybe not. Probably, probably not.
On a side not, I really love and enjoy my job. I wish I did a better job at doing my job, but I really love my job. I like working with Jason. Sometimes I feel like I don't get to hang out with him as often as others, but he and I don't keep the same hours at FBC so it limits the time we're both around, plus if I were to just show up in his office to talk whateverness, he would know write away that I wasn't exactly doing my work -- he is my boss. But just the same, I love my job, and I wouldn't quit it for the world, not right now at least.
All right, I've got to fly. Buzz me this week if you want to eat mexican food. I've such a craving.

It's too late to apologize

2008-01-11T14:25:00.000-08:00

To all my friends out there,

I want to apologize for working 15 hours a week at a job I really enjoy, doing what I love.
I want to apologize for being an RA in Gettys. All that talk about how much I hate it is really sarcasm (and this is the real me), I absolutely love it, and wouldn't want anything else. Oh, and I don't really need the money to pay for school. I could use a few extra thousand dollars a semester in student loans.
I want to apologize for taking anywhere from 13-16 hours. Silly me for wanting to graduate on time.
I want to apologize for being in SGA. I really shouldn't want to do something about the school I go to, let alone even care about the place.
I want to apologize for making friends with freshman. I know we live busy, scattered lives and that there is a brand new class at UMHB, but I really shouldn't take an interest and liking to any of them, or what's worse, sit with them at meal times because you're not around when I feel like eating.
I want to apologize for being attracted to specific girls. I should like boys. I live in a guy's dorm, afterall.
I want to apologize for only sleeping 40 hours a week. I shouldn't spend that much time in my bed, which is in my room, which is in Gettys. I shouldn't even be tired. I should spend that time out with you.
I want to apologize for having three of (whom I always thought to be) my closer friends drop me and decide to quit being my friend completely last semester. I was totally at fault for my best friend breaking up with their little heroine, and I was even more wrong by letting the three of them move into an apartment together away from the dorms, where I happen to live.
I want to apologize for not having much to give to you. I really just shouldn't run out of anything.
I want to apologize for running out of joy, patience, happiness, smiles, energy, or enthusiasm. Even though I put in about a 45-50 hour work week between RAing, SGAing, working at the church, going to church, going to class, studying for class, and personal hygene, I should still have plenty of everything left over at the end of every day and every week just for you. Heaven forbid I go empty.

If my behavior because of these factors has seriously offended you this semester, I apologize. However, I would like to add before you start pointing fingers at me, let me see you try a day -- not even a week, one day -- in my shoes. Then you can be disappointed in me.

Immanuel, God With Us

2008-01-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted a blog. I thought about posting and tried to post a few days ago, but all that ended up coming out was, well, pretty much crap. In an attempt to resurrect this habit, I'm coming to you again, live from my office at First Baptist Church of Belton. I like typing that out.

Since the last time I blogged, I have realized (actually I just now learned this) that I need an atmosphere of peace and escape in order to successfully blog. I was reflecting over some of my better and more notorious posts on my first blog(s) and found that I used to be extremely good at blogging. It didn't matter when or where I was, whenever I sat down at a computer I could easily compose a blog in a few matters. Now, I know there is a bit of variation to what a blog really is. I mean, if you're Glynis Akins, a blog is a jumbled mix of lyrics to songs. If you're Daniel Rowe, it's a daily update from YouTube. And that's okay, I guess. I mean, I don't really think there's a perfect blog or a perfect way to blog, and I know that this blog isn't without it's blemishes. The point I'm trying to make is really, I miss blogging, and being able to blog.
I'm starting a new paragraph just to detail that further. I miss blogging my life and thoughts with people who cared and would read and share. I also miss reading the about the lives and thoughts of other people, and knowing them so well I couldn't help but care about them. And of course, I miss being able to silence myself away from everything else and give singular devotion, commitment, and attention to waxing poetic. Or, waxing foolishness. Or just plain waxing.

A new semester is less than 24 hours away. For some, however, I wouldn't be surprised that Spring 08 came a day or two early and you've already started. This semester I'm taking 14 hours -- Biblical Backgrounds (3), Brit Lit II (3), Later Pauline Epistles (3), Elementary Greek II (4), and Conditioning (1). Last semester, as you may have read, I pretty much hated my classes. The only one I really honestly enjoyed was...well...really, probably Greek. And even then, I have a bit of a disagreement with taking Greek and making it so difficult. But then, I really don't feel like opening the can of worms that topic could be. Furthermore, I've digressed.
Last semester I hated class. I didn't enjoy or like a one of them, save the Greek mind you, but this semester I'm...marginally more interested in class. Mainly, I'm curious to see what awaits for me in my biblical studies class The Later Pauline Epistles. I really enjoy Paul's letters, and to be honest, I freaking love Paul just in general, so I'm excited and anxious to see what good and glorious things I can learn from taking this class. I favor more the New Testament than the OT, and in the NT I am extremely in love with books like Ephesians, the Corinthians and Thessalonians, and Galatians and Romans. So, we shall see. Yes indeed, we shall see.
Well, I must be off to go eat lunch.
Ta Ta

Time After Time

2007-12-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

I found this story at Reuters on my Gmail news blurb thing of the day. I thought I would share it with everyone as a very blog worthy thought.
Merry Christmas my friends.

One is the Loneliest Number You Could Ever Do

2007-12-24T12:55:00.000-08:00

So, I know that I proclaimed last post that I would quit blogging for a while, until I had "blogworthy" thoughts. I think today counts as a blogworthy day.

So, to begin, I'm at home. Everytime I'm at home I think my sister, she's 16, likes to think that I'm back in town after being away for a while, and she doesn't have the same mindset as I do -- I don't really live here anymore, I just come here sometimes to get away from school.
Well, last night my sister, Anna, tells me that we, the family, are going to see "National Treasure: Book of Secrets" today. I'm fine with that, but I really want to go see "I Am Legend." So, this morning, about 9:30, my sister busts into my room, thinking that really, I'm home for the holidays not really on vacation from UMHBelton, and starts yelling at me to wake me up. See, when I lived at home in high school, on the rare occasion that I slept in this was her favorite way of waking me up -- come in, turn on the light, yell at me in an authoritative mommy voice "GEOFFREY!!! WAKE UP!!! GET UP!!! IT'S (fill in time here)!!!" She then sits down on my bed next to me and says, "Geoffrey, if you want to go with us to see "National Treasure" you need to get up now and be ready by 10:20 because the movie starts at 10:45."
"Umm, okay," I respond. "Is there a showing about that time for 'I Am Legend?' Does dad want to go?"
"Dad? I don't know, I think there's one starting at 11:00," Anna.
"Okay, but I can sleep in until 10 and then get up and shower and be off with you guys?"
"Yeah, but we're leaving at 10:20."
"Yes, Anna, I know. But as long as I'm ready to go by 10:20 I can still ride with you guys?"
"I guess so, if you want to."
So I, being the college student that I am, roll and over and go back to sleep until about 10:02. I get up, take my shower, get out and begin getting dressed around 10:15ish. My sister yells up at me "Geoffrey, we're leaving!"
I walk out of my room and look downstairs and say, "What? You're leaving now?"
"Yes, we're going to have to take two cars, so you can just come when you're ready. Here's your ticket to 'I Am Legend.'"
I think to myself, "What? 'I Am Legend?' I thought we were all going to go see 'National Treasure...'"
"What?" I ask. And it hits me. She bought me a stinking ticket to "I Am Legend" all for myself. "Never mind, I'm not talking to you." With that, I go back in my room and continue to get dressed and ready for the day.
My dad shows up in my door to talk to me because I won't talk to my sister, and explains that now we're going in three cars because he's bringing back some family that don't want to go shopping after the movie. I ask him if I'm going to "I Am Legend" by myself. His reply is "Yes."
Great. Thanks. Thank you FAMILY for buying me a freaking ticket to go see a movie by myself. Never mind asking me if I want to go by myself, never mind asking me if I'd rather compromise and see "National Treasure" with everyone else, just go ahead and buy my ticket off of Fandango for me and I'll be more than content to sit by myself in a theatre for two hours.
Have I ever gone to a movie by myself?
Certainly, if I wanted to see "I Am Legend" that badly enough, I would have already gone now and just seen it by myself already. If I have a car, and if I have the $6 to buy a ticket, and if I have the time, why would I have not already gone to see any movie of interest to me by now?
Hmm, maybe it's because I DON'T GO TO MOVIES ALONE! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE NEVER, HAVE I EVER, WANTED TO GO OR ASKED TO GO TO A MOVIE BY MYSELF, ESPECIALLY WHEN MY FAMILY IS TWO THEATRES DOWN! (okay, maybe all caps was a bit too bold...)
I don't think anger is strong enough or even applicable enough to describe how I felt. My own family just bought me a ticket to go see a movie by myself. The same family that has told me in the past to suck it up and go along with what the family wanted just arbitrarily bought me a ticket to go and be by myself. And, might I add, ON FREAKING CHRISTMAS EVE!!! WHAT THE CRAP!?!?!?!?
So, what did I do?
I went and saw the freaking movie. I wasn't about to let that perfectly good ticket go to waste. I wasn't about to let my dad know he wasted $10 buying me a ticket online with his credit card. I wasn't about to NOT go see a movie I've been looking forward to for some time now.
But still, by myself? BY MY FREAKING SELF!?!?!? ON CHRISTMAS EVE!?!?!?! Geeze, this is RIDICULOUS!
Aside from all this, the movie was good. I actually almost enjoyed being by myself for a change. Maybe if I'm ever completely burnt out on all things, and hate all my friends, and my entire life, I might go back to see a movie by myself again, but according to Facebook I've got about 475 people to burn through at UMHB before I'm that alone.
So, Merry Christmas to you and yours, and may your yuletide be as gay as ever. Mine certainly has been.

He's a Tramp, but they love him

2007-12-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

I think it's safe to say I have not very much that is blog-worthy.
For that, I am going on a sa-blog-ical; a sabbatical from blogging. I am waiting until I have good thoughts to blog, then I will bring them here instead of crap about crap.
Thanks, see you around.

Oh Holy Night

2007-12-20T03:03:00.000-08:00

I sure wish I could sleep.
I sure wish I could sleep regularly.
I sure wish I could sleep regularly, at night.

I liked growing up in Midlothian, and I was proud to be an MHS graduate/alumni, and I even enjoyed coming home last year, but I am not lying when I say I'm not exactly thrilled to be here. I love my family, I love my friends, but life here in the Midlo is boring, sluggish, blaaaah.
Now, on the upside, I have had plenty of time to lay around, sleep, watch TV and movies, and yesterday I did a photo shoot with KB. In addition to all this laziness, I've had a chance to "climb out of the trenches," to paraphrase a friend. It's been a nice opportunity to examine my life at UMHB from a distance and not have to worry about RAing or SGA or class, however I know that perspective can change when you're in the thick of things.
I'm really glad to not be at school right now and I'm glad to have some vacation time. I said I wanted to do some reading over the break, but I don't know if I'm going to get around to doing a whole lot of it.
I don't know how I feel about Christmas coming up so soon, I haven't done any of my Christmas shopping yet, but the photo shoot yesterday was for the cranmother. That's one thing down, and I plan on doing more today after or around whenever Erica and I hang out.

On a side note, before I leave, I have this awkward, nagging thought that tells me I may be making a mess of things. I just might be doing things...well, wrong.

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

2007-12-16T08:13:00.000-08:00

The first time I heard this story was a little over a year ago, and shortly thereafter I blogged it on Myspace. Uhh, I could urge you to think about it, but I'm pretty sure you'll get the picture.

I heard a story this morning about a lady who was feeling the stress of the holidays. She was feeling a lot of pressure between getting all the gifts for everyone, cleaning the house for the company, preparing food for the inlaws when they came over, and typical stress of life in general. She was out and about shopping one afternoon at the mall and was attempting to make her way downstairs. As the elevator filled with people, it was obvious that there would not be room for her inside with all her bags. Still, she insisted on cramming herself in the elevator, with her purse and bags and everything in tow. Finally inside, she grunted out of exasperation and said to the crowd, "Whoever came up with this Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot. "There was a silent pause throughout the elevator for a moment before a voice from the back said, "Well, we've already crucified Him."

This Could Be a Long One...

2007-12-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

In honor of the special circumstances regarding this post, I'm not going to title this particular post with song lyrics. Sorry if you were expecting it.

I'll get right to the heart of what's on my mind (1 of 3 possible, potential topics), I have trust issues. I got blown off hXc by the group I considered my best friends this year. The people I chose to do life with more or less disowned me and left me hanging. Needless to say, screwed me up pretty bad. Imagine what you'd be like if three of your best friends quit being your best friends but still hung out together. Sucks. There are about four people from last year that I would still consider my closest of friends, and to those four I am eternally grateful and I hope and pray our friendship will continue forever.
Topic 2
My second topic is much the same. It's about our stories. Your story, my story, his story, her story, our story. Just recently I began to consider what people and characters I want to add to m story of life. I mean, think about it, for a second. When you read something like Lord of The Rings, look at the characters Frodo and Aragorn and all those guys kept with them on their journey. They were helpful, they were loyal, there was a strong bond there. Do I have a similar bond with the people in my life? Do I want to call this person a best friend? Could she be my girlfriend? Is this guy a worthy mentor, should I follow his guidance? I don't know. But it's something to think about, I think. I know for me and my life, I'm going to be a little more critical (if that's even possible for me) when I judge and consider my friends and the relations I have in life. Not to sound selfish and say that these relationships are all about me, but I don't want transient characters or even characters who will give my story a premature ending. So, yeah, something to think about.
Topic 3
The Golden Compass (which is, apparently, based on the book "The Northern Lights" by Phillip Pullman...), shall I say more. Saw the movie, it was a waste of $17, I paid for two tickets, and have now decided that yes, Pullman has a vendetta against the Catholic Church and the liturgy therein, and that it wasn't even that well made of a movie. I can wait to see the sequels on DVD, but only if I decide that's a good idea. I know that my attitude of "I decide" is the exact attitude that Christians are trying to squash out with the presence of this movie and these novels, however as God-appointed and -gifted leader for the church, I do have to decide, and I decide that not seeing them will benefit me and others in the long run.

Umm, that's all. Hit me back if you want. If not, then don't.
Have good breaks, I promise I'll blog much much more over the Xmas holiday season. May even go to the Houston area, we'll see.
Focker Out

You want me to change, well I changed for you

2007-12-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Today was the first time in a LOOOONG time I have listened to my Coldplay. Man, do I love those guys. I am also finding myself with the time to blog. Aha, about that ;)

I am stuck on duty, with a final exam in the morning, at 8:30, and I am not studying. I am finding it more and more difficult to study in the lobby here in Gettys. It's been something bothersome to me all semester, but even more so now because it's finals week. I can only hope that next semester it won't be as bad. But, no way of knowing.
Umm, I'd really love to blog, but there are too many things distracting me from that now, so I'm going to have to postpone my bestest post until after my Greek exam Tuesday. Okay, much love.
Adio

I'm yours and suddenly you're mine, love burns brighter than sunshine

2007-12-06T21:54:00.001-08:00

It's interesting to me the nicknames people will give each other. For example, I know this one guy, his name is Pi'dadro. He's half black, half hispanic. People call him P Diddy. Wow, duh. My name is Geoffrey, I'm pretty much as white as you can get, and people call me Geoff, Geoffey, and a few call me G-Off. It's interesting. Simply interesting.
I have an Intro to Philosophy final exam tomorrow at 1 PM. I have yet to study for it. Fortunately, I get off duty about now, and I have two gift cards to Starbucks and plenty of time to study. I can't decide if I want to pull a complete all-nighter and stay up until after I take the exam, or if I want to spend a good 3 or 4 hours at Starbucks studying and reviewing and go to bed whenever I feel most confident. I'm going to need a good 6 hours, but I probably won't get to studying for at least another half hour. Or I could run through my notes and the study guide now for a little over an hour, go to bed, get up around 8, and study straight into the final. I hate that idea, because studying that much right up until the test usually kills my brain.
So, in short, I don't know what I'll be doing, but I'm leaning more towards Starbucks, although it will be more than likely packed.
I'm sorry I haven't blogged a whole lot lately, I've been real busy with exams. I'm feeling better than the last post, though I've got a new set of problems now. I think that's how life goes. If you get your work done on time or before it's due, you don't get an award, you get more work that slackers aren't doing (I'm sure if you stretch the definition you can understand what I'm talking about). I don't mean to sound dramatic saying I've got such terrible problems in life, I say that just to say life's struggles keep coming, and I keep working through them.
A few things to note before I sign off:
Good friends
Flaky friends
Friends of convenience
Fights with friends
Final exams
Crap
Work
Sleep

Okay, good night

It's a Wonderful Night for a Moon Dance

2007-12-02T23:24:00.000-08:00

I have much to say, but little strength and time with which to say it.
Suffice it to say, I have had a decent enough weekend, but now I am being consumed by fear. I'm praying that God will take care of me.
I'm scared.
I'm praying.

Sunday's Here! Hallelujah!

2007-11-30T09:41:00.000-08:00

I have no idea if those are the exact right words and punctuation, but oh well.

So, the week of hell is over. I finished my book review last night -- erm, this morning -- around 4 am. I've got to say, it's pretty good. Probably one of the better papers I've written in college so far. I don't think I could have written a better one even if I had read my book cover to cover and all over again a few times. I feel that good about it.
But, there is a catch to my happiness.
I set two alarms last night when I went to bed, one for 8:30 and another for 8:36, and slept through BOTH OF THEM!!! The paper was due at 9 and I didn't wake until a little after 10!!! Oh man, the first thing I did was pull out the laptop and email Dr. Bryant my paper with the most sincere apology I could write after being awake for only 10 minutes. Gah, I hope he accepts it.
And, the Mass Media project.
So, I'm not going to lie, this project is probably one of the best I've EVER done at anything, and I haven't really felt more proud of or been more encouraged to do the work for any project more than this one. My project, in case you were wondering, was to analyze the Star Wars films and compare the elements, characters, themes, events in the movie to corresponding Christian elements, characters, themes, events etc. So, for example, Anakin Skywalker's fall is an echo of the Fall of Man, and Luke Skywalker's redemption of his father from the Dark Side is a parallel of Christ's redemptive work on the cross.
Well.
With about two or three minutes left in my presentation, MRS. VICTORIA KENDIG, decides to interject her own opinion. She says, "I don't really like it when people try to compare Christ to other characters. And I think this is probably one of the worst I've seen..."
Oh yeah.
I tried to wait and see if she was going to finish that with some sort of sarcastic punch-line, or maybe turn it around to at least try and be constructive, but no. She said a few more things that furthered her point, but WHO THE HECK INSULTS A STUDENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR PRESENTATION!?!?!?!?
Furthermore, if she had such a problem with my topic and the material I would be presenting, why did she approve my topic in the first place when she first received my proposal, THREE MONTHS AGO?!?!?!? She's had plenty of time to let me know this would offend her, or at least possibly be inappropriate, why the heck would she wait until the MIDDLE of my presentation to do so?
Yeah.
I.
WAS.
MAD!

Believe it or not, but life is not apparently about me anyways

2007-11-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

Much to do, much to say.
I want to be a thespian. I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to act. I'm coming out of the closet and confessing that I have some deep and awkward desire to perform. I like to think I'm funny, I like to think I'm a decent actor, I like to think I can write well. I have some deep and awkward desire to perform.
Ha! There it is!

This week I have a huge project due in one class, a huge paper due in another, and constant daily work and an essay due in all my other classes. This could very well be my last blog for a while. I do now know, but it could be.
Thanksgiving Break was not that great for me. I would have rather spent more time asleep, but that's trivial at this point. I got kind of sick too, and that just sucked. No way around it, I hated being sick on Thanksgiving. And to be honest, I'm still not back to 100% yet either. I hate it. I hate it. Didn't get to eat a whole lot.
Watched a lot of movies, though, spent a lot of time INSIDE my house, played a lot on the internet, and well, yeah that's it.
This is becomming a ramble because I'm procrastinating. Goodbye.

And we, we love you. We love you, Lord, we love you. We love you.

2007-11-24T10:57:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to me how often I forget these words. I want to climb up on my high horse and tell God what I want and need and expect, and I forget what He's already said to me.

God, humble my heart, discipline it to your will. Break my will, oh Lord, and transform my mind. Consume me with your strength and your presence, break me down so I may be made new in you again. Please, hold on to me so that I never leave your side.
Thank You
Amen

"Its the beauty of simplicity
That brings me down to my knees
Praise You for eternity
And Lord I love you because you, you first loved me"

The First Noel

2007-11-23T03:35:00.000-08:00

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Please don't be misled by the title. This is not a Christmas blog. Not that I don't like Christmas, or that I won't blog about Christmas, that is simply the song on the radio behind me as I"m typing.
And, as I've already alluded to, I'm awake, typing on my laptop listening to Christmas music on 94.9 KLTY. And it's 5:33. AM. Go me.
I like to get real sentimental around holiday times, and I always hate it. I usually like to think and dream about how my life could be, but isn't really. I think one of the most satisfying Thanksgivings I've ever had was either last year or when I was a junior in high school. And I wasn't sentimental at those times.
I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and swollen neck. I felt just about awful, and I ended up napping twice yesterday, not doing any of my homework. This morning, I woke up a little over an hour ago, and I'm blogging and Facebooking instead of reading and translating.
The one thought that I have wanted to blog for a few days or so now is about dating. Yes, I know I blogged a few weeks ago about "Pursuing A Girl," but that wasn't about dating in the sense of what I'm thinking

I'm going to come right out and say it. My dad never taught me how to date a girl. He never talked to me about how to "woo" a princess, or even to see a girl as a princess. Sure, I got the sex-talk when I was in 5th grade after my D.A.R.E. graduation, but there was a never a talk about what dating is, how to ask a girl on a date, when to back off and when to push forward, things to say and things not to say -- I never got that talk. Is that a talk guys have with their dads these days?
I know that I can watch shows like "Home Improvement" and I see Tim Taylor giving his oldest son Brad tips and advice for going dancing with his girl Jennifer, and I watch movies and see moms and daughters sitting around talking about "their man/men," but I know for a fact that doesn't happen in my family.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and dad and I wouldn't trade them for anyone, but I realized just Wednesday that he never sat me down and explained to me more fully the crazy world of girls and dating.
So, what do I resolve to do about this? Continue to figure things out the best I can on my own. And that means "things" that are "Dad-ward" and "girl-ward;" I will try and attempt to understand girls better on my part, but I will also try to find a common ground where my dad and I can meet to talk about such things. I don't know if it will work. I don't know if he'll come to me, and I don't know if I'll ever understand things with girls more than I do now. I probably will just because I've learned a lot about them just this semester alone, and that proves to me I have much more to learn, but still. Girls are awkward and hard to figure out.
Anyway, before this becomes a ramble, I'll sign off. Hopefully, I'll feel better today. Hopefully the swelling will go down, my throat will relax, and I can hang up Christmas lights as well as do homework.
Or at least hang up Christmas lights.

I'm out

It starts at my toes makes me crinkle my nose

2007-11-20T21:26:00.001-08:00

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatpartofthanksgivingareyouquiz/">What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Everybody Wants To Be A Cat

2007-11-19T13:06:00.001-08:00

My blogs, thoughts, prayers, and stool have been real heavy lately, so this is going to be a little lighter, a little less heavy. A little more relaxed, and, hopefully for you Khang, a little shorter.
Well, not my stool, that's just a joke.

Thanksgiving is in a few days, and if I don't slow down I just might miss it. If I don't take a few more breaths, take a few steps back, and slow my motor down, I just might miss one of the best, most American holidays ever conceived.
As I'm sitting in my office -- yes, my office -- I get this feeling of..."Hey, I'm there!" I remember so distinctly being a high school student with confusing aspirations towards ministry watching and learning from young guys, college-aged or barely out of college, as they work and do ministry, working inside a church building. Now, as I sit here, in my office, I want to claim that satisfaction in God and realize that I'm in that place too, now, sort of. I'm an intern for a large church, I have an office, I do things that a minister does, and it feels kind of cool.
Like I said, nothing real deep and heavy. Just an appreciative note.
Hope this was short enough for you Khang-a-Lang

I am free to run

2007-11-17T01:07:00.001-08:00

*"For if I want to boast, I will not be a fool, because I will be telling the truth. But I will spare you, so that no one can credit me with something beyond what he sees in me or hears from me, especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:6-10

God, make me weak. Please, oh God, please, make me weak.

*Holman Christian Standard Bible

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!

2007-11-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

Currently, I'm feeling a little conflicted. A little confused. A little hurt. A little upset. A little mad. A lot tired and ready for bed.

I'm tired of sitting down at the end of my day and saying the same thing, "Today has been a long day," or "Today has been a crap day." Once, just once, I want to sit down, at the end of my day, and say "Today has been a great day. So much was accomplished today, wow, I am so amazed."
This isn't to say that I don't have good days, not at all. I just want GREAT DAYS!!! Know what I mean? I want days that really encourage me to go to bed at night so I can wake up and have a new one just like it all over again. I want days filled with awesome growth and accomplishment, and awesome thriving relationships.
I think that's where I'd like to camp out right now. Relationships. My relationships are going everywhere. I don't understand them. Obviously, if you read my last post, I'm searching for a more personal relationship right now, which isn't really growing in a direction that I understand at the moment. The catch with that is that I have more than just that one relationship, however I think most of my relationships are growing in a direction I don't like or understand too.
I'm feeling estranged and disconnected from a lot of my friends. I always figured that as college went on, I would grow closer to the people around me, but lately it seems the people I love and cherish the most just aren't available when I need them. Whether that unavailability comes from their own choosing, or simply unfortunate circumstances, I don't know. All I can really say is that I wish those friendships were more rockin' awesome than they are now.

God, thank you for the patience to make it through this day. Thank you for the quick wit and wisdom you have provided me. I know it plays off as a vanity, but God I see it as a source of your strength in place of my weakness, and so I thank you for your strength. God, it has been a long time since I went to bed at night after a great and productive day, in love with life. I pray you grant me days like this. Please God, give me these days so I can praise you even more.
I believe that I have followed you, my Lord, and that I have trusted and sought after your side, your direction, and your leadership as Lord of my life. I know also, God, that I prayed you would humble my spirit, discipline my heart, and break my will so that I could be recreated in your spirit. I believed and expected Father that you would show me love, protect me, and enable me to serve your purpose. Yet, when I conclude all things at the end of the day, I feel lost, disconnected, like something is wrong.
God, I pray to you now that you would continue to discipline my heart, transform my mind, humble my spirit, and break my will. God, it's painful, but I so desire to be recreated to serve you. Please, God, recreate me and enable me to accomplish the ordinary, so that I would look to you and your power to bring about all the extraordinary things this life has to offer me.
Thank you God, I love you.

good night

It's a Beautiful Day

2007-11-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

Holy crap. I love those two words. Hmm.

It's good to be blogging again. I know I blogged early-early yesterday morning, but I feel as if I've lived a thousand lifetimes since then.
GOOD NEWS!!! I've put more thought to the whole "pursuing-a-girl" jazz. Umm, here it goes:

I've started with prayer. Before I go to be at night, I pray. Before I get too far into my day, I pray. It's, uh, been interesting. My prayers have grown from "God, grant me the enabling to simply be a friend," to something much deeper and more intimate. I don't note this to build myself up and sound ultra-pious, but to let you know that I have grown. The depth to which God has grown me is a little too personal for a blog on the world wide web, but I have suddenly grown into a new relationship and understanding with God my Father. It's a relationship of sacrifice, because for all I know God may answer my prayer with a new direction, but it's a necessary step that must be taken.
I've also learned a huge lesson in respect and self-control and patience. I know it's not fair for me to throw three of those into one like that, however they all just kind of came at me in one thought because I see how they are related. I'll try to divide and conquer so it's a little more easy to understand.
When pursuing a girl and a lady and a woman of God, you have to understand before almost anything else that she is a person too, with her own story, her own friends, her own life, her own choices to make. The next step in that understanding is embracing respect for her story, her friends, her life, her choices. It then takes self-control and patience to constantly remind yourself NOT to monopolize and consume her time, and to respect how she chooses to interact with the above in her day-to-day.
This leaves us with honesty. Honesty with yourself, honesty with her, honesty with God, honesty with your friends and her friends, and honesty with society at large. People aren't stupid, however they are prone to persuasion, and the more time and energy you invest in some one the more easily he or she will be persuaded to perceive care and concern on your part. If it is real, and genuine, then honesty will continue to carry the relationship on to wherever it leads. If it is misinterpreted and wrong, then honesty will steer the relationship to its next point in life. At either end of the spectrum, honesty is huge.

I don't know if you can get anything out of this, but it's just what I've come across and discovered in the past couple of days. Please don't be fooled into thinking that because I have discovered these joys that I am putting them into practice and "perfecting my craft" (it's an expression, not a statement of fact), almost the opposite; I would actually want to urge you to understand that my story has been one of struggle, one of sacrificing my pride and interests for the betterment of the relationship, and in their place I have chased after the elements mentioned above.
Having said all of this, there is a very obvious elephant in the room. If this post has lead you to the assuming question that perhaps I am speaking from recent, practical experience, then yes is your answer.

To change topics slightly, this should not be much longer, I am tired. I have not been sleeping as much as need be in the past few nights, and I think my contact lenses have been out of my eyes more than 8 hours once in the last 12 days. Tonight, I want to go to bed early, and sleep well.
I've noticed that with the steady decline in my sleep I've also seen a noticable increase in my agitation come daybreak, and a decrease in my performance in my academic, social, and physical endeavors (the day-to-day hustle and bustle) and I hope that by committing to more sleep tonight that I can awake refreshed and restrengthened for a new, beautiful day. That's what I strive for, and I think after all things are stripped away from today, I can say with honesty that it has been a beautiful day.

What is Love? Baby don't hurt me/Last daaaance/My life got flipped turned upside down

2007-11-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

So, at the risk of sounding too utterly dramatic and throwing caution to the wind, I'm going to say this much about my weekend and feelings about said weekend:
What is Love? -- Yeah, holy crap, that sums up the weekend.
Last daaaance -- I wish, I hopefully freaking wish.
My life got flipped turned upside down -- As if my life could not get any crazier than it already was, or as crazy as I thought it already was, in a search for peace tonight I eventually ended up getting something way less than that. I love my friends, but I'm starting to live in the greys, and I don't like it. We need to back out and get some definition.

I'd love to write more, but I don't think I can. Umm, life is crap, or something like it, so make the most of it because it's really not.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember

2007-11-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

Today has been butt-diggity long. Long, long, long. Why?

Tonight was FYC's infamous "Date Auction: The Bachelor." I really do love how cool college is. It cracks me up. Anyway.
Tonight was Date Auction, and, I had fun, but I'm tired. I'm tired physically, I'm tired mentally, I'm tired socially, I'm tired spiritually. Between work, and class, and homework for class, and FBC, and RA, and Date Auction, and SGA, and intramurals, and balancing friends and a social life and this and that and this and that and on and on and on, I'm tired. As a sabattical, I turn to blogging to release my tiredness.

I'm tired physically. My sleeping pattern has evolved into stay-up-late-working-hard-and-then-go-to-sleep-early-on-a-weekend-and-sleep-in. It does not work that way.
I'm tired mentally. One of the worst part of my pride and vanity is that I try to do everything myself and bare my own burdens on my strength. By the end of the day, my mind is worn out taking care of myself, and then it has homework to do. Not to mention the fact that people come to me asking for my help in whatever they're doing more than I'm starting to like.
I'm tired socially. This has a lot to do with that last one. Evidently I'm cool or popular or well-liked or well-known or something, so people want me to participate in what they're doing. People want me to give them advice on dating girls, or how to handle relationships, or, at the least, they want 5 minutes of my time in Hardy when I could just be eating and enjoying the quiet.
I'm tired spiritually. God, I feel like we've been over and over this one a little too frequently. I've just started this new job and I'm excited because I've been honored with the blessing of leading your people and your church, but God I don't know how to use my gifts in the role in which I'm currently serving. I don't mind inheriting responsibility, but with that responsibility give me the freedom and the authority to use my gifts in service to you.

I know this post is more of a whine than a philosophic pondering. If you want something to ponder, tell me what you think about neo-platonic love and relationships under neo-platonism. Guys should be friends with guys so they don't fall victims to lust and depravity; kissing is like touching souls and looking into a person's eyes is to see them as they really are -- that kind of good stuff. It's something that's been kicking around inside my head, I've just not formalized my position(s) yet.
Good
Night

The Circle of Life

2007-11-06T21:29:00.001-08:00

I feel like Darth Vader right at the moment. Wheeze in, wheeze out. Wheeze in, wheeze out.
I just tried to play some ultimate frisbee in the cold, wearing a Hanes Tagless-T and corduroy pants. Brilliant, I know. My asthma just loooooooooooves the cold, especially when I'm underprepared.

However, it is that action that brings me to my thought(s) tonight. I should not have been playing ultimate frisbee. Sure, it's good exercise. Sure, it's a lot of fun. Sure, I can meet new people and spend time with Brack doing what he likes to do. But my main incentive is that extra incentive. Call me childish to call myself out and berate myself for my foolishness, but I went out there out of extra incentive. Out of PRIDE.
As I was at work today, I contemplated male pride, my pride. I can do just about anything out of motivation for pride. Especially the college me. In high school, I was much more modest. But after the past two and a half semesters at UMHB my head has swolen much larger than any Freshman 15 could claim. I'm a cocky guy. I'll admit it.
What do I do for pride? Stunt Night. SGA. Ultimate Frisbee.
What am I seeking? Recognition, respect, honor; her recognition, her respect, her honor.
What do I really achieve? Foolishness, a name tag, lungs frozen shut, a strawberry on my knee.
Why do I do it? Because I'm a guy. I have pride.

Anyway. I'm sorry if this isn't really that interesting to you. I don't blog for your sanity, I do it for mine. I do it in an act of escapism, a sabbatical from the rush and gush. Tonight's was much more mellow, not so deep, and I realize that in a few months time (hopefully) this particular post will look a little outdated -- emotionally. But for now, it's a good scape goat for my frustrations with, well, myself.
Haha, good night

'Cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes

2007-11-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've struggled with doing things for me. I want to do something for some one else, so I jump into it. Forgive me, this isn't really going to be a logical or coherent thought, and it may come across rather unpolished. So for now, just accept that I need to start re-committing things back to myself.

I've been having odd dreams lately. I'll pick on Friday night. I dreamt I was going back to Romania. It was amazing. I got to see all the loved ones I have in Bucharest, and I had the whole summer ahead of me.
It reminds me of a crazy dream that I have that, I guess, I'll let out into the open. I would love the opportunity to go to Romania and teach. I would love to spend a summer in Romania, learning the language, loving the people, and edifying the body. Before I left for Romania I had this crazy idea that I could do just that next summer. The last night there Soterius (pastor of AlfaOmega) asked me if my dad (who he found out was a professor) would be interested in coming to Romania to teach basic bible classes in a university type setting. I can't exactly speak for my dad, although we did talk about this and he wasn't opposed to the idea, however I know that if that opportunity was presented to me I would have my bags packed the next day.
So, there it is. God, I would love to go to Romania and teach about You. If You want this too, make it happen. I love you.

I've also had a multitude of different things happening in the past few days/weeks. As my previous post (two, actually...) would indicate, I am now working at FBC Belton. I'm interning with Jason Goings, the Assistant Pastor and College and Missions Minister. Today was my first day. It was a crazy long one, I spent four hours trying to acclimated to the atmosphere of FBC Belton, but I'm starting to like it. When I was a youth I wanted to do youth ministry, now as a college student I'm getting to do college ministry from an intern's perspective, so maybe when I'm more grown than now I'll get to do adult ministry.
To be completely honest, I feel called and gifted into teaching and pastoral ministry. God has granted me an amazing mind that can think and learn and understand and teach, and a heart that desires to disciple the lost and the church, and I want to use those gifts for Him, for Christ's Body. I wish I could jump up and say college ministry is the passion of my heart, but honestly ministering to those around me, feeling and meeting their needs, and struggling to figure out how to persevere in Christ is really my passion. So, if along the way, I get to work with college students, it'll be okay.

Something else that has been flying around has been the issue/idea/topic of dating. More specifically, "pursuing a girl." If I had a quarter for every time I have heard a girl say to me this semester "I want a boy to pursue me...You're the boy, so pursue her...As the man in the relationship, it is the man's job to pursue the woman..." I once -- 10th grade, mind you -- had the bold notion of recording my thoughts on the art of pursuing girls, yet it never quite came to fruition. Por que no? I was too lazy. Last night, though, I put away some serious thought in this direction, and I ended up going a little deeper than what I'm ready for. Although, I haven't followed my thoughts out to their logical end yet, so maybe my MO is somewhere along the way of the biblical pursuit of a woman. I don't know. Just a thought. I can say this much, though, when I do figure out more of this, I'll be sure to post it here. For now, I'll just keep my thoughts to myself, and figure them out along the way.

And finally, I'm starting to discover that blogging is something very cathartic for me. I used to be in such a great habit of blogging constantly, however with the uprising of MySpace and the downfall of Xanga I fell out of the saddle. Today I discovered that Daniel Rowe makes a concerted effort to blog just about once a day and I was jealous. Even as I am typing, I'm realizing that blogging is a good way to purge troublesome thoughts from the soul, and write out my problems into words to grasp them more tangibly. He made the comment "I get paid to blog," and I suddenly realized the need I have for consistency and positive habits in my life. Maybe not patterns, but discipline. I have a strong need to fill a lackadaisical hole in my life with discipline, and I'd like to think that blogging could be one piece to what is missing.

Thank you

Hi-Ho

2007-10-29T10:37:00.001-07:00

Hi-Ho!
Hi-Ho!
It's off to work I go!

Umm, got a job this weekend. Internship at FBC Belton, working with the college department. I'm not entirely sure what my full "title" is, or if I even have one, but I think I get a name tag/badge, so I'll go off that whenever I get it.
But for now, I haves to go to work.
Umm, be excited. Be very excited.

Having my baby. What a wonderful way to show how much you love me.

2007-10-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Dear UMHB and others,
These are the following babies I have carried and labored over for you in the past 6 months. Feel free, at any time, to reclaim what is yours, instead of bastardizing your own crap on to me.

RA -- this includes RA programming, RA training, living in a locker room, and the general sense of "screwed-overness" I wake up to in the morning.
The irresponsibility of over 50% of the freshman class -- I am sorry, Admissions, that you had to admit a fourth of this year's freshman class on conditional status, ie, they were already ON academic probation before they stepped foot in college, but why is this my problem? Why must I continue to baby sit and monitor those who are wasting the gifts placed before them? If it's your problem, then it is YOUR problem.
Boy-Craziness -- most everyone has gone boy crazy this semester. Girls have boyfriends, which have now replaced me in life. Guys want the approval of the top dawg, so now what I bring to the table, what I offer in fellowship is sacrificed on the altar of self-preservation and interest.
Pride -- just lose it. Just lose it, it will do you no good.

Now, I would like to ask you, UMHB and others, when do you plan on showing up to say thank you? When do you plan on being the other responsible partner in the mess of things, and coming around to put a faithful face to your name? When do you plan on relieving me of all the work I have done for you, so I can rest? Or, at the very least, when do you plan on paying child support so I can afford even the smallest of comforts?
Umm, good night.

I saw the sign

2007-10-18T23:17:00.000-07:00

This is what my horoscope said on my homepage, for Friday, October 19th, 2007.

Someone may tell you something you really don't want to hear today, yet your openness to honest feedback can be just the catalyst that you need. Once you recognize the truth, even if you have been resisting it, you'll be able to make changes that can stabilize an otherwise shaky relationship. There is no need to control what happens next; being honest is enough to assure a positive outcome.

Talked with Wendi yesterday, she said, pretty much, to me that if "screwing me over twice" and leaving me in Gettys is what is "best for the university," then she's going to have to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's starting to look like I'll be stuck in Gettys again, next semester, but with $1000 more.
Crap

I've got a girl

2007-10-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

So, it seems that my friends just can't help falling in love. And by "falling in love," I mean "rushing into relationships with people they may or may not know as well as they should/be totally compatible with." I know, that's a lot to take in, right?
I guess what's eating me is that for the second time since I've broken up with my ex-girlfriend Amy, I have watched, painfully yet again, a second great friend of mine rush/jump/dive right straight into a relationship with an incredibly great guy, but it just may not be an incredibly great time. I'm tired of it, and I don't know how to stop this trend. They say ring by spring, and it's now October, soon to be November...
The first time I had to endure this was with one of my closest friends last semester. She didn't have anyone, and hadn't had anyone in quite a while, so when the first great guy came along to flatter her with a date, she accepted and never looked back. Even when it looked liked things weren't going to work out, she didn't try to move on, she waited and pushed until things would work out and forced the relationship. Now she has become a source of, yes, incredibly great friendship, but also, on occasion, a source of incredibly great sadness and envy. I'm envious because I wish to have my best friend back, and I know that the time I do get with her is not the same time we used to spend before. Don't get me wrong, her boyfriend is a great guy, and I love him and respect him and wish him the best in all of his dreams and pursuits. But being in this relationship has changer her. Changed her to a person I almost don't even know anymore.
Now, I have to endure this a second time. Another incredibly great friend of mine has rushed into a relationship, again with a really good guy, but just a really bad time. Since she broke up with her boyfriend of TWO YEARS about TWO MONTHS ago, she has had three gentlemen callers, counting the new beau as numero tres. I like him. I like him more than the previous two. I liked him before she liked him and he liked her. But he too has been the gentlemen caller for three ladies this semester alone (counting my friend as the third), and he's only been here two months. Both of them agreed to take it slow and for him to pursue her slowly. But somehow, they decided they were mature to hit it early and now the rest of us get to watch them stumble through the morning after the honeymoon, and hope they make it out alive before somebody goes away hurt.

I say all this not to say I wish people didn't date, but to say I wish people used better restraint and judgement before they jumped into something as serious as a relationship.

Lonely Day

2007-09-25T23:32:00.001-07:00

Life has a funny way of picking you up, right after it's nailed you right in bollocks. Just when it's looked you square in the eye, knocked you to the bottom rung, laughed at your defeat, it turns around and offers a helping hand to get you back up there.

I won't lie -- I feel like my life sucks every morning when I wake up. I feel cheated, I feel robbed, I feel lonely, I feel depressed, I feel confused, I feel angry, I feel desire; I feel like the life I'm living shouldn't be mine, or isn't mine at all. Like it belongs to some one else, but I'm just holding it for him or her until they can get back to me and reclaim it. I feel like I'm just a place holder, no more than a bookmark in the story of some one else's life, holding their place until they can finish.
Maybe that's true. Maybe that's what I've been designed to be, for now. Maybe that's the purpose God has called me to, to hold people's lives in place until they can finish on their own. That would be nice, that kind of service, but I believe there's more to my life than that. After all, the bookmark has a story too, right?
But to continue my thought, I'm hitting rock bottom on a weekly basis now. This isn't some inescapable, unpassable, unclimable wall. This is the rock bottom. And most days, when I've hit rock bottom, I just stay there until some one gives me a jack hammer and says get to work. And some days, let's use today as an example, I'm handed a giant earthmover and told I need to go extra deep, extra fast.
However, the days that make me want to go to sleep at night just so I can wake up in the morning are also days like today. Days when I've been drilling to what may be the very core of what I have left, and God just smiles. His smile is enough to stop me from where I'm going, and push me in the other direction.
I'm reminded of the movie "A Knight's Tale," when Geoffrey Chaucer is introducing our favorite protagonist, and he says "Days like these are far too rare to cheapen with heavy-handed words." My day today is far too rare, far too precious, far too much a jewel for me to give over with exuberant expressions that don't convey the depth and beauty. I know in a few years I'll look back and know that this whole time God had His hand under me, carrying me daily, but right now this day is complete enough for me.

Move Along

2007-09-20T19:27:00.001-07:00

Tonight is shaping up to be the most annoying night on duty yet. There is one resident in particular who has annoyed from the first day he moved in that does nothing but sit in the lobby every night and brag about how good he must be at whatever it is he happens to be playing at the time. And by brag, I really mean he says "YAAA CUDDAY!!!!"
The word "Cuddy" is a word I first heard as fashioned by the incredible Quincy Daniels. Quincy, or Chocolate Bear as I like to call him, only used it when he was talking to me as a word of encouragement in place of my name, and his pronunciation of the word was more like a "cuddy," but with the "y" sound dropped off a bit, almost to the point where you really weren't too sure what he was saying.
This kid uses it so frequently, I cringe every time I hear his voice because I know what's coming. Beyond that point, he's just an annoying bragadocious guy in the first place so if he were to disappear tomorrow, I probably wouldn't miss him even at all.
After this guy, there are the girls. The same girls who come into the lobby just about every night so they can hang out with the guys. Don't even get me started on this one. Let me say this much and I hope it will suffice -- GTFO!!!!!!1

Moving right along, I am coming to the ever clearing realization that I miss having the company of an awesome, genuine, real relationship of another person in my life. Maybe a girl and girlfriend, or maybe another amazing best guy friend I can phileo for life. Either way, I'm missing it.
But beyond just the normal missage I experience on a day-to-day basis, I find myself wondering about girls an awful lot. It has been some time since my last relationship with a girl, and I wonder if there is a girl out there with her eye on me, and if there is, I wonder how great she looks on a scale of 1-10. I have had my eye on a specific chica for some time now, however everytime I get near her I get so nervous I can't say anything, and so I pull out my phone and pretend that whatever it is on my phone is infinitely more interesting than looking around. I know that sounds odd, me with nothing to say, however she has some sort of effect on me to the point where I am rendered almost completely paralyzed. I haven't felt this in...oh, some time.
I am enjoying Greek. Greek=Fun for me.
Alright possums, I'm out.

Heroes

2007-09-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

Heroes, the hit NBC show debuting last season on Monday nights at 8, returns this Monday, at 8 PM. I am excited.
The premise of the show is that their are people in the world born with advanced DNA that provides them with some sort of genetic superpower. Pretty much, they're mutants like in the X-Men universe. The main characters are
Peter Petrelli - a hospice nurse with a sponge-like ability similar to Rogue in X-Men, but different in that he can absorb a person's power permanently just by being in the vicinity of another "mutant."
Nathan Petrelli - Peter's older, politician brother who just won a fixed race for US Congress, and was picked by an elite, secret group of people to be the President in a few years. Nathan can fly.
Claire Bennet - Ever heard "Save the cheerleader, save the world?" She is that cheerleader. Biologically, she is Nathan's daughter, however she was raised by another man who worked for the aforementioned elite group. She can regenerate tissue and organs; she's got Wolverine's power.
Noah Bennet - A man with no powers of his own, but he worked for this elite group until he defected. He became Claire's adopted father because of his connection with this group.
Hiro Nakamura - A Japanese peon who can stop time, teleport, and travel through time. Last season he was last seen in feudal Japan approx. 400-600 years ago, caught between two warring parties.
Sylar/Gabrielle - The villain. His power is something weird, but he can "see how things," or "see how they're put together," and from this he took the ability of telekinesis from one man, and has stolen various other powers from various other characters. He does this by killing them, and eating their brains, or at least a specific part of their brain which contains their powers. He is Peter's counterpart, as they both possess more than one power because of their own natural power.
There are more characters to list, but these are just my favorites. There's a doctor, a woman whose split-personality is a super-strong killing machine, a little girl who can "find" people, no matter where they are, and various others.
Peter and Nathan were last seen flying off together moments before a gigantic explosion ripped through the night sky in NYC, leaving us to guess at whether they are dead or not. However, I have seen a teaser video for next season and Nathan was in it, and said Peter's name, but that doesn't mean they're both alive.
Anywho, Season 2 starts this Monday, and I have a colossal Greek exam on Tuesday, so I'll be watching Heroes, and then studying for Greek.
Ta ta

I've got the world on a string

2007-09-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

The title has absolutely nothing to do with this blog.

I don't think it's by any accident that the Catholic Church places top dollar value on the Grace of Perseverance. Nor do I also think it's by any accident that Protestans believe that faith is a journey that we must persevere through.
Lately, my life has sucked. If you've paid any attention to my ramblings, rants, and moans from a few weeks prior you would know that. Add on classes, add on SGA, add on RA responsibilities not even connected to living in Gettys, add on my hope and search and desire to find a church with which I can live and work and grow, add on a social life, and well, life can get full pretty quick.
My life has been full, real full, these past few weeks, and all I've wanted and desired are strong relationships to keep me enthused about life. Last night I feel as if I hit rock stinking bottom. I completely slammed into the deepest pit of what I've been feeling.
And what did God do in response to sunkeness?
He picked me up. He picked me up and showed me that I should be proactive in my life and relationships and He set me on a course to find out deep relationships with others. I was reminded of the perseverance it takes to continue living life with faith. I was reminded that when times get tough and I need to lean on some one, I shouldn't expect others to run to me to offer their arm, hand, shoulder, whatever it is that I need. I was reminded that despite whatever wrongs I feel I've suffered under the neglect, oversight, absent-mindedness, or mistreatment from my friends, I am not perfect and I do neglect and forget and mistreat.

Back in the habit? Maybe, only maybe.

2007-09-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

I'm putting this down now because I told myself I would this morning.
Sunday is probably my favorite day of the week.
Not because I'm a good little Christian and all good little Christians are brainwashed to think that "Keep the Sabbath Holy" is it; the goal and end in life.
I like Sundays because they are days that remind me of community. Days that remind me of fellowship. Days that have mornings full of love, and days that remind me of long afternoons with my parents at home. I guess, though, I really like Sundays because of Lifepoint.
This summer I lived for Sundays. I lived and longed and yearned and burned for a Sunday because on Sunday, I had a chance to sit and talk with Kevin, Jim, their wives and families, Greg, Joy, Matt, Courtney, Pam, Mark, Denise and anyone else who came through the door. I loved these opportunities because all week, I would be either
A) Confined to a house while my dad worked all day long, all week long and I had no one to talk to, or
B) I busted my butt all week long working on fences or doing yard work and so I had no source of intelligent conversation.
Wednesdays brought a mild dose of relief for me when I would teach the youth, but their expectations of Wednesday Night was the same as their expectations of a school day -- "maybe the teacher will teach, or maybe we'll get to do something fun." Either way it was like teaching goldfish because 10 minutes after I finished they were dancing around the room or sneaking off outside to go and do only the Lord knows what.
But to return to my original train of thought. I did not merely "go to church," on Sundays, I went to bible study; I went to worship. And I usually did both. However, now that I'm not at Lifepoint, I find myself looking at trying to find a new church body to go and worship with. I have charged myself with the task of finding a new place of worship and service and discipleship and I am left with the same thought after every "church service" I go to: I would much rather start a church than put up with this.
I would much rather start a new church that met in houses and homes instead of school cafeterias or a brand new "worship complex." I'd rather serve with 10 or 12 disciples who expect to change the world than sit next to 10 or 12 families who are checking off their list.
So, what's so different about this church and its Sunday morning services?
In this church that I'd love to start, the preaching is great. I've been a victim of lousy preaching before, and nothing kills your followership abilities and Spiritual Formation quite like lousy preaching. And the worship is real. We can have one guitarist, but as long as that one guitarist comes, expecting to encounter God in worship and praise, that's all we'll need. And I expect the members to not be merely members, but to be "doers of the Word." I expect life change as a result of meditating on Scripture. I expect the members to be in the world, changing the world.
Really, I don't know where this urge to start a church comes from. Maybe it comes from working at Lifepoint all summer long. Maybe it comes from Milfred Minatrea's Shaped by God's Heart. Maybe it comes from my tiredness of the current ecclesiastical tradition, and the "Purpose Driven Church" purposefully driving out the church. Maybe it comes from...
Well, I don't really know where it comes from, so I won't waste time with idle speculation.
Point is, I want to start a church, and change the world. And we'll do it on Sundays. Sunday, my favorite day, is now "Change the world day."

A Brief Update

2007-09-08T09:44:00.001-07:00

So, a brief update.
I have decided that the bushy, fuzzy face is no longer my preference. I am clean shaven baby.
I don't know how long this will last, but I like it. It's a clean break from my stubble days.
I don't really know where this came from, but I'm becomming more partial to having a smooth face more often than letting it grow into stubble, then trimming it back, then stubble, then trimming it back, then -- well, you get the idea. I don't know what sort of....style I'll be adopting now that I no longer have a beard. For a while I was extremely taken by the Brad Pitt look of a buzz cut and a stubble beard of equal length. But now, I'm digging the smooth look. Maybe I'll start working, go tanning, and grow my hair out and look like Brad Pitt from Troy.
What do you think?
Alright, I'm out.

Whine, Complain, Calm Down, Think About It

2007-09-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

The title, to be honest, is not mine. I wish I could claim it, but that kind of gold came from KB. Whether it's actually his or not, has yet to be determined.
But to the point of relevancy, I have whined, I have complained, I am in the process of calming down because I've thought about it, and now I'm ready to write.
Plainly and simply, Gettys is not so bad.
Moving on.
I love Dr. Oldham. He's a smart guy.
Our most recent discussions in Intro to Philosophy have been over the subject of Socrates, and his Ignorance and Method. Now, I love to play the fool. I'm the king of playing dumb. Probably almost any professor I've had at UMHB would vouch for me that I am much smarter and more well informed than I choose to let on. Now, while this is a far cry from actual Socratic Ignorance, to me, the two seem similar.
I don't actually know how smart I am, I don't believe that there is a specific way to measure how much somebody knows, but I do know that I never show all my cards when I'm betting.
Classic example, a classmate of mine wrote me off as not being as smart or studious as she was one time last fall.
"Yeah, as long as I can make a B I won't be too disappointed."
"Geoff, I made a 75 on that test, trust me, you won't make a B."
I colored her surprised the next day in class when my score was an exact 10 points higher than hers.
I guess where I'm going with this -- trust me, this isn't what I'm setting out to say, merely an appetizer to the main course -- is that I totally buy into Socratic Ignorance. I play dumb a lot in life -- yes, I know that is not exactly ignorance -- but at the same time I don't mess around with what I know to be true. And I know quite a bit. Really, the whole notion of Socratic Ignorance was simply encouraging to me, to know that I had some underlying depth to my arrogant charm.
Now, on to the main course.
I love the Socratic Method. I guess, if you've been with me from the beginning, you would know that really, "Want a better answer? Ask a better question." is really the Socratic Method in my own terminology.
One day in class, Dr. Oldham asked us "What's wrong with Samaritans?"
Me, "They're half-breeds!"
"Yes, I know they are, but where are they from?"
"SAMARIA!"
"Okay, Geoff, yes, you're right."
"You want a better answer, ask a better question."
Now, I don't really remember whether or not Dr. Oldham actually heard me smart off to him like I did, and to be honest I consider that a secondary concern, however I've stuck with that notion for a while now, hence, the Blog.
I like that I discovered, more or less, the Socratic Method on my own. I like that somewhere along the way in my life, I stumbled upon the right combination of pride, curiosity, hunger, and wisdom to think this way. Granted, Socrates was probably not smarting off to his teacher -- it was more like politicians and poets, really -- however it is, like the aforementioned philosophic jewel, encouraging to me, to know that I'm not a complete idiot, and that I am capable of some rather deep thoughts and understanding.
I just wish I could discover them on purpose, as did Socrates.

It's been a while

2007-08-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

It's ben a while since I've been this frustrated and outright freaking upset.
I don't know why, exactly, I'm so upset. It's possibly a combination of many things. It's possible it's just one. All I know is that my current mood is angry.
Today has been a long day and I wish I could say that I successfully completed all the things I wanted to do. I did everything I needed to do, but there was so much more I was hoping to add to this day.

Changing Topics

I really think this semester will be a proving ground for me. I already know I'm going to learn a lot, I just hope I survive and put to good use all that I can learn. I really want to be more grown up, but at the same time, I'm glad I'm a kid so I can enjoy all that is before me. I just hope that I enjoy it to its fullest.
Some great stuff is out there waiting for me. I hope I can find it.

I'm automatic baby, it's no lie

2007-08-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

I don't think it's too big of a secret that I don't like living in Gettys. In fact, I'm tempted to say that "I hate it." I'm not sure if it's the bugs, the community showers, the cramped living quarters, or what, but this isn't exactly accommodating to my needs. Yeah, I think I could learn to hate this place. Maybe it's the constant, non-stop rap music and random shouts and cries that can be heard at any and all hours of the night by the residents.
I really think I hate this place.
I'm really dissatisfied with life right now. While this is better than living at home, only marginally because I have the freedom of privacy and my independence back. At home those two were like jokes or rare commodities.
However here, I have no place of worship. I have no community. I have no place to call home. I'd like to call campus home, but as long as I'm hating Gettys and living there I can't exactly depend on it to be comfort. I want a place to serve. I want a place to learn. I want a place to grow and connect and build relationships that can help me grow and that can aid others in their growth.
I have found no such thing thus far. This semester is turning out terrible, so far. I have decided that it will be either the semester I take off, and grow and flourish and become something more and awesome, or it will be the semester I fail, fall, die trying. I can't predict which it will be yet, but I pray it is not the latter.
I really really would like to find a church to go to, and work with. Please tell me there's one out there for me...

I'm back in black

2007-08-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

So, now I live in Gettys. The Getto. Ghetto. Take your pick.
I won't lie, I don't like it. I'm not thrilled about it. In fact, I'd much rather move out.
You know when you were a kid, maybe this applies to you, and you had to apologize for something? And you didn't want to, and you hated the thought of doing it, but deep down you knew it was the right thing to do? You knew that no matter how hard your feelings resisted the idea of what you were about to do, you had to do it anyway and it would be okay?
Yeah, that's NOT AT ALL how I feel about living here. I really, to be totally candid and honest, feel like I'm making the dumbest mistake ever. Not that I base all my best decisions off of feelings, but I've been here for two days, made relationships with the people I work with, and not one aspect of what I'm doing here feels in ANYWAY right at all. Deep down, I still don't want to be here.
My first inclination that I didn't belong here came to me when I realized that I am more of an adult now than ever. I once called this past summer the summer of manhood -- the summer I became a man. I did manual labor, worked with my hands, got myself dirty and did hard work; on the flip side, I was a youth minister and was responsible for so much more than making copies and pushing paper and setting up bulletin boards. Somewhere between those two I grew up.
In Romania, I made the comment to Flory that I was not an adult. I said, "I'm not an adult yet. I'm just 19. When I turn 21, I'll feel more comfortable considering myself an adult. Right now I'm still a kid." She looked at me and said, "Geoff, I hate to break it to you, but you're an adult. You are one." Now, I'm not here to argue maturity, that's not what I do. But I realize that the more serious I start taking myself, the more serious others will take me. And again, not that I necessarily want everybody to take me so seriously, but the more I see myself as a semi-responsible adult and the more others treat me and recognize me as a semi-responsible adult, the more and more I will become an adult. I've long had a problem with the upperclassmen at my fine Universidad acting like kids in the apartments, and then being such high-standing students holding important positions such as Class Chaplains or Jesus Christ in the Easter Pageant. I'm an adult. The more I say it, the more I act it, the more I will be one.
Adults don't play kid games and live in dorms with obnoxious arrogant football players. Chumps do that. Kids do that. I'm neither anymore. I need a place that pushes me to grow up. I need out of this dorm. I need out of this position. This place will hold me back, and I could grow to hate that. No part of my being here feels right, and I want out.
I think this is my official list of grievances. I think this is where I stand on my current living situations. I don't know if I need to move in to McLane, or find an opening in the apartments and scoot out there, but I'm not going to stay in Gettys unless God opens some pretty magnanimous and supernatural doors that lead me to fall in love with this place.
And from where I'm sitting, it's looking like not.

God Speaks Spanish too

2007-06-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

So, for the summer months I'm moving to my new summer home.
http://godspeaksspanish.blogspot.com
Check it out.
See ya in the fall!

Headaches

2007-04-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

I have been having some tremendously crappy headaches lately.
I've learned how to entertain my mind without media. It's been tough. I like to veg out from time to time for a little while, letting my brain shut itself down. I haven't had that pleasure in some time.
I really like David Crowder. He amazes me. He really does.
I probably shouldn't be on here, so I'm leaving before I get caught.
G'Day to you all.

When the world goes to bed

2007-04-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

I think as much time as we spend talking to God and reading about God and listening to God, we should spend just as much time being quiet with God."Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10

I like to think that when night comes, and darkness slides over the sky, God is watching the Earth, taking care of His children.
He gives us our bath, trying to get us clean from the day's adventures. Some of us don't ever like to take baths, and we love being dirty all the time. Some of us, He looks at us and says, "Thank you for not getting dirty, but you can have fun outside. Just be careful." As He washes us clean, He listens as we tell Him all of the things we did that day and we let Him know exactly how that dirt got behind our ears.
I like to believe that He watches over us as we go to sleep, tucking us in to our beds. He gives us a kiss on the forehead, if we let Him, and He tells us that He loves us right before we drift off to sleep, making sure that we actually do go to sleep and let the day go. God is looking at His creation, like a parent looking at their child, hoping and longing that they sleep well. Hoping and longing that the troubles experienced today will be in the past tomorrow.
As He looks at us from across the room, He pauses before He shuts the door and thinks of all the bad things we did that day. He knows in His mind that eventually we'll grow up and we'll learn better. He knows that we're just children, and that sometimes we need to be reminded that He is our Father, and that He knows what is best for us, even if it is every day.
I picture God walking out of our room, making sure that our Moon and Stars our shining all over our ceiling so that if we wake up in the middle of the night, we have something to look at to remind us where we are. I can see God turning on the nightlight by the door so if we need Him during the night, we know how to get to Him.
Then He walks down the hall, stepping over some of our toys and playthings. He picks some of them up, but leaves a few behind. "Tomorrow they will learn responsibility, and how to pick up after themselves." Of course He could have cleaned up for us, but then we would never learn.
When He gets into the kitchen, He knows that in the morning we're going to be hungry, and before we go off to our day of adventuring we're going to need to take something with us. He prepares something for us in advance, picking out what we need, knowing full well that when we finally get it, He may or may not get a "Thank you" in return.
When He finishes preparing for our tomorrow, He goes into His room. He goes in and sits in His chair. He looks at the clock. Any normal parent would be tired by this point, but He's better than that. So He waits. He sits in His chair and waits. He knows that some of us are going to need Him during the Night. He knows that some of us are going to be up too early, and so He needs to be ready to meet us when we're there. And He knows that some of us He's going to have to wrestle with just to get out of bed so we will go to class. That doesn't bother Him though, He still loves His children.
Here, is where we leave Him. He is waiting. For us. He loves us so much and gives so much of Himself to take care of us and far too often we don't give anything back to Him. But like all parents, He knows that those times when we do come to Him and say "Thank you, I love you," it's still just as precious to Him as the last time.

Revival

2007-03-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

Revival started tonight. It's a big deal here.
I helped set up chairs for it this morning and was up at the butt crack of dawn helping put things together with the steering committee to make it work.
I went tonight as a counselor. I fell asleep about five or six times. I won't lie about it. I was really wanting to get through the invitation as quickly as possible so I could come back to my room and crash when a friend of mine singled me out as he came forward and went to go talk to me.
That was fine. I don't mind talking to him. His intentions for coming down were a bit inappropriate. But, he needed some guidance and I tried to give him the best of what I had.
However, I have beef with revival. Serious beef. A whole cow, actually.
I think the tradition of a Big Tent Revival is antiquated and old. Don't get me wrong, I love that we have one, I think it's cute, but that's just it. It's cute. It's nice. It's traditional. How effective is it?
We are college kids. We are young adults. Revival is to revive us. The speaker was good tonight. The worship band was really good. I just think we should have something more. Something more intimate. Something more real that hits people where they're at.
I understand that the goal of every organization on campus is to reach the athletes and break outside of the bubble. And to be honest, I can see why Christians would leave this school because of that bubble. To me, it's as simple as a "good morning....hey what's up....need a spotter...whatcha doing this weekend..." Relationships. Relationships work.
Jesus didn't delegate His work to the church so it could be delegated down to a committee in charge of advertising and publicity to ensure that the seats would be filled. Jesus told us to go out and make disciples. To be fishers of men. Jesus went out and sought the lost and hurting and confused.
I see flyers and posters and sidewalk chalk and hear chapel announcements all the time. How many steering committee members do I see sitting with them at lunch? How man committee heads do I see spotting the athletes in the rec in the afternoons getting to know them?
You want to change this campus? You want to break through the bubble?
Make a relationship. Talk to them. Get to know their name. Understand where they're coming from. Don't advertise and put up publicity. Go to them.
Jesus didn't say to the disciples, "Go into the next town and put up flyers at the well and make an announcement at synagogue that I'm coming." He just went.

Past this, I think revival should be more mature. More in depth. If it is to truly revive us and revive our relationship with God, then let's do more than hire some speaker. Let's do more than set up a big tent in the quad. Small group sessions. Discussion time. Let's fast beforehand. Let's talk about things and live out the high the band gives us at the peak of music. Let's make it real. Testimonies and speakers and prayers and this and that are great, but man they've all been done before. We wouldn't have the same goal of reaching the athletes each year if we were actually reaching them.

Anyway. I've got a cow, like I said.

Up to here

2007-03-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

This past week has been heinous. Maybe.
I've had to accept only sleeping 6 hours a night. It has been terrible. Going to bed at 2 only to wake up at 8. Going to bed at 12, and then waking up at 6, unable to go back to sleep. Terrible.
Tonight I hope to get some sleep. Last night I didn't go to bed until waaaaay late. It was around 3.
I've been kind of bothered by the fact that I don't get much sleep. The morning that I woke up at 6, I went for a walk around campus. Yesterday morning, actually.
My relationship with God was in disconnect. As I walked around, I realized that my life had become filled with things.
That's such a trivial, juvenile thing, too. Filling our lives with things. It made me angry at myself for being an idiot. But it also made me glad to realize that I just needed to prioritize.
Stunt Night went well. Sort of.
I got to see my parents this weekend. That was great.
I went to church with Landon in Georgetown this morning. Real odd. This guy, David Hocking, was speaking. He was crazy. Seriously crazy. I didn't really care for him.
I do want to know something, though. Did Jesus speak in Aramaic, or Hebrew? Because Hocking provides a completely different interpretation of Jesus' cry on the cross, "Eloi Eloi..." Apparently, it should be "Eli Eli...," Hebrew words instead of the Aramaic.
I don't really care. I just want to know. If Jesus spoke Greek and Aramaic, then I know that this guy really is crazy. If Jesus spoke Hebrew, then I might want to look him up.
Anyway.
This coming week is Revival. I haven't been to a revival since Nolan Mueller punched my lights out around 6th grade. I've mixed feelings about revival. But...I'm ready to see what will come.
I hope to have a good week.

Proverbs 29:18

2007-03-20T20:23:00.001-07:00

I've been working pretty hard on this event called Stunt Night. It's sponsored by the sophomore class. The idea is that each class gets together and puts on a 15 minutes skit with a 5 minute song and dance.
The freshman class has had some struggles. At one of the first meetings, one of our directors gave out some ideas and the other director said that they were stupid. The first director saw no reason to stick around if his ideas weren't going to be appreciated, so he left, leaving only the second director to do it all.
After about a week of practice, one of the guys acting in the skit asked me to take his place. I did. Since then, it's been ridiculous. I'm enjoying it, I'm loving that I get to work this much with everybody and get to know people better, but it is bordering on the edge of organized chaos.
We have too many chiefs, and not enough braves. And the truth is, most of our chiefs would be better braves and vice versa. It's coming together, but it's a painful process because two or three girls are trying to take charge, but a few of them lack the vision and understanding of how much work it takes to make it solid.
Tonight, for example.
We were supposed to practice the dance. I wanted to hit the dance a couple of times for practice, and then get together with the four leads (myself, Garrett Smith, Katie Leibert, Autumn Woolsey) and run lines and talk about the flow of the show. Instead, we spent the entire time doing the dance at full speed. About half way through practice, I interjected and said, "Hey, let's stop this. Let's do the dance, but do it slowly. Instead of one two three four five six seven eight, let's go one.....two.....three.....four.....five.....six.....seven.....eight, without the music so we can get the mechanics down." We did this once and it worked, and then the chief took charge again and it wasn't good.
I'm stressing about a lot of this because apparently most of the people wanting to run the show lack the vision to make it work. I'm not saying that I have the vision and it will be glorious if everyone listened to me. I'm saying that it takes practice, hard work, and creativity to take what we've got and make it good. I don't want to be demanding and mean to everyone I work with, but I'm not about to put up with anymore crap from people who do not understand what's going on. I don't pretend to have all the answers, I just know what it means to have a vision, work hard and get results.

Want a better answer? Ask a better question.

2007-03-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

Dr. Oldham, my New Testament professor asked us one day in class what was so significant about the Samaritans.
I said, "They're half-breeds!"
Dr. Oldham, "Well, yes Geoff, they are half-breeds, but why? Where are they from?"
"SAMARIA!"
"Uh...well, yes Geoff, you're right. You did answer my questions, thank you."
"You want a better answer? Ask a better question."

Okay so maybe I didn't let him hear that last remark, but it's definitely stuck with me. In life, when we don't get the answer we want we get disappointed. However, I'm not convinced that every time we ask a question, we're asking the right one.
I'm not a guy who has all the answers. I'm not somebody who pretends to know everything. But I have been lucky enough to realize that life isn't about the right answers, it's about asking the right questions.

Want a better answer? Ask a better question.

New Home

Oh what a good day!

The Other Side of Love

Grace

It's Been A While

I could tell, from the minute I woke up...

With a Little Help From My Friends

If you're out on the road

Twisted Nerve

Climbing aimlessly over these hills

Amazing Grace

Entertaining Angels

Love the One(s) You're With

Something Heavenly

With thankfulness and devotion, to you, our purple white and gold

Nobody said it was easy

Like endless rain into a paper cup

Battle Without Honor or Humanity

Something Beautiful

You Are Welcome Here

Even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life

Come Sail Away

Spirit in the Sky

Up from the ground come a bubblin' crude!

All that is within me cries

So few words...

How can I keep from singing your praise?

Oops, I did it again!

Here Comes the Bride

I need a change of sceneryyyyyyyyy!

Shine On

You gotta have faith!

We can work it out!

Happy Birthday to ME! (and us)

I ain't sayin she's a gold digger

There's a breeze blowin' through, here tonight

Hey Baby Hey Baby HEY!

When I say Hillshire, you say Farms!

Take a sad song, and make it better

It's gettin' hot in here

It's the end of the world as we know it

I Dare You to Move

The earth was shaking in the dark

Go on and fold your menu, take a glance, and then you'll be our guest!

Ode to an Ice Cream Sandwich

Tomorrow is Another Day

Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus

Do you remember when we used to sing?

It's Just Too Good To Be True, Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

Blessed Be Your Name

More Than A Feeling

Till He returns, of calls me Home

It's too late to apologize

Immanuel, God With Us

Time After Time

One is the Loneliest Number You Could Ever Do

He's a Tramp, but they love him

Oh Holy Night

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

This Could Be a Long One...

You want me to change, well I changed for you

I'm yours and suddenly you're mine, love burns brighter than sunshine

It's a Wonderful Night for a Moon Dance

Sunday's Here! Hallelujah!

Believe it or not, but life is not apparently about me anyways

And we, we love you. We love you, Lord, we love you. We love you.

The First Noel

Which Disney Princess Are You?

It starts at my toes makes me crinkle my nose

Everybody Wants To Be A Cat

I am free to run

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!

It's a Beautiful Day

What is Love? Baby don't hurt me/Last daaaance/My life got flipped turned upside down

A long, long time ago, I can still remember

The Circle of Life

'Cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes

Hi-Ho

Having my baby. What a wonderful way to show how much you love me.