Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus

"Deliver me, out of the sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, Your Strength inside me.
All of my life I've been in hiding,
Wishing there was some one just like You.
Now that You're here,
Now that I've found You,
I know that You're the one to pull me through.

Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, loving and sharing.
Deliver me, this cross that I'm bearing.
All of my life, I've been in hiding,
Wishing there was some one just like you.
Now that You're here,
Now that I've found You,
I know that You're the one to pull me through.

All of my life, I've been in hiding,
Wishing there was some one just like you.
Now that You're here,
Now that I've found You,
I know that You're the one to pull me through.

Oh, deliver me.
Oh, deliver me.
Oh deliver me.
Oh deliver me.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust you.
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus."

Do you remember when we used to sing?

So, I went to CASL this past weekend. The coolest part of it all was either the first session Thursday evening, or last night.
Dr. Tim Elmore was the speaker. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Almost disgusting how incredible he is as a speaker. I felt as if I could start a conversation with him at every word he spoke. Quite incredible.
But, last night was great. I suddenly had free time. For the first time in...almost a month I had nothing but free time to do whatever I wanted. I realized that for almost a month now I've been going and blowing at whatever somebody else told me to do, or some other commitment I had lined up for me.
Dec 30 - Drive to Houston
Jan 2 - Drive home from Houston
Jan 3 - Drive to UMHBelton
Jan 4 - RA training all day
Jan 5 to Jan 8 - RA duty and check in procedures and work at FBC
Jan 9 - First day of class
Jan 11 to 13 - Duty weekend and meetings
Jan 18 to 20 - DNow in Austin
During the week I've had nothing but a combination of class, working at FBC, RA duty, meetings, SGA, and homework, all leaving me with just enough time to sleep, eat, and shower in the margins. Yesterday, I had nothing coming down on me, nowhere I had to be, nothing I was responsible for, no meeting to attend or even lead, absolutely nothing. The first time I've had a completely clear schedule until I decided when and where I was going to do something next.
I'm beginning to wonder how I can learn from this and apply what I can gain to my understanding and implementation of a Sabbath. I mean, from the minute I began to learn about and practice that which is Sabbath I've known that it can't be work, but I don't think it ever fully clicked with me that a Sabbath can be -- and oftentimes should be -- an almost complete withdrawal from society and all the things that abide within your stressors. Now that I'm picking up on that, more loudly than ever now, I'm beginning to look for opportunities to make a better Sabbath for myself not just next time, but more often.
So, yeah. That's my two cents for the weekend. A good time to shut down, withdraw, and reflect.
Enjoy your days off. I surely do.

It's Just Too Good To Be True, Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

So, over the break I got really bored and started thinking about my family. And I thought, "If I could pick any movie stars to replace the family I have now, who would I choose?" and thus, this blog is born. It came to mind yesterday after I heard about Heath Ledger's tragic death. Not to sound vain or shallow or like one of those girls who can't live without her daily does of TMZ, People, ET, or E!, but his death really saddened me. He was an actor I have loved for as long as I can remember. The Patriot, 10 Things I Hate About You, A Knight's Tale -- I'm digressing but the list could go on. My point is, I will miss Heath Ledger. A lot.
Rest In Peace Heath, I'll miss you.

So, my movie star family.

Father- George Clooney, OR, Harrison Ford
Mother- Julia Roberts
Uncle- Matt Damon or Brad Pitt
Aunt- didn't really get this far, but probably Sandra Bullock
Cousins- Shia LeBouf, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Melissa Joan Hart, and the entire cast of Boy Meets World

Paternal Grandfather- If I choose Clooney as my dad, then I'd pick Alan Alda. If it's Ford, then I'd pick Sean Connery, and no, this has nothing to do with Indianna Jones.
Paternal Grandmother- I can't remember this one at all.
Maternal Grandfather- Charlton Heston, probably
Maternal Grandmother- Julie Andrews

Sister- Liv Tyler or Alexis Bleidel
Brother- Probably one of the Wilson brothers, Luke and Owen
Girlfriend- Keira Knightley, or Megan Fox, but probably Keira
Best Friend- Heath Ledger
Nemesis- Matthew McConaughey and/or Orlando Bloom

Now, I realize that most of my immediate family is taken directly from the "Ocean's" movies, but I really like those actors, so it's no surprise I pick them so much.
Who's in your movie star family?

Blessed Be Your Name

As the title of my blog indicates, I believe in asking better questions, not more. In an attempt to ring close and true to that maxim, please follow me as I blog.

Is it okay to let the knowledge of your head to carry you through times when the strength of your spirit and the power of your heart don't?
Where do you turn when you no longer feel the immanence of the Promise, Providence, and Presence of God presiding over you?
What do you do when the absolute power of worship fails to connect you to what's is beyond?

I know that I should always carry in my heart a hymn or praise of addoration, appreciation, and submission, but that doesn't stop or help the fact that my life is a mix of chaos right now. I've always said, "Yeah life sucks and times are tough, but I've seen enough in life to know that I should just keep on keeping on." Well, I've hit a wall, and I feel as if I can't keep on keeping on. What do I do?

More Than A Feeling

Right at the moment, I'm struggling to keep my anger suppressed. It's not too hard, but the fact that I feel that I'm right doesn't make it any easier.

I don't really have much time or much to say, but I can do want to make a few notes.

• I do like change
• I am very progressive and forward thinking
• I am not at a place in my life to where I can keep up with the changing tides

I say all this to say, I feel like I've hit one of my busiest and craziest seasons of life, and suddenly most all of my friends suddenly AREN'T. This is related to the same type of problematic circumstances that inspired the previous posts. To get down to it, I'm really freaking busy and my closest of close friends aren't really busy, so they get to spend all their time together and I get to see glimpses of their lives go by. What makes it worse, is that for the most part most of them don't mind that they get to spend so much of their time together, and when I bring it to their attention that I feel like things are changing and I'm unfortunately and unpermissively being left out, they can't sympathize because things for them are better than ever.
And, to be honest, I can't blame them too much, because they're experiencing genuine fellowship and I'm whining about it. It would be nice to know that they still desired my presence, but I no longer feel that vibe or connection between us. Now, to once again be completely honest, there are....extenuating circumstances surrounding even this event, however I don't want to even le that play out -- in reality, in my mind, or in this blog.
So, yeah. Just know that I've hit probably the busiest season of my life to date, and if I don't feel like I can trust the safety net of friendship that has supported me all along this year, I could fall apart.

And I'm out.

Till He returns, of calls me Home

So, I'm not as violently angry as I was when I posted last. Thanks to those of you who read it without dismissiveness. I know it was a bit whiney, but sometimes my only outlet for feelings is penning them to paper. Or typing them to blog...? Yeah...

A new semester is now underway, and that means for Mr. Geoff, a new semester of: classes I don't want to go to, commitments, meetings, awkward relationships, busyness (this may be a necessary vice...?), homework, late nights, frustrations, and a new chance to make an A. Honestly, I don't really think I would mind this semester if my life could settle down and I could fit into a comfortable groove, a nice pattern. My schedule is so random and ridiculous more often than not that I find myself burning at both ends until I'm out. Don't get me wrong, I like being involved and I do want to conquer the world, but there is definitely a thing as over-committed and over-my-head. I find myself in both places at once, frequently.
If you read this blog, and you are a praying person, please please please pray for me. Pray that I will have patience and discipline. Pray that I will be surrounded by supportive relationships of love, and that I will support with love the people that I am in relationships with. That was a mouthful to type.
So far, I've put in too many hours, felt too burdened and hurt, and not found enough down time, peace, and joy. I have a few select relationships that I absolutely cherish here on campus, and when I don't get my fill per week I get cranky and irritable. I wonder if I could put that into words with those people. Maybe, maybe not. Probably, probably not.
On a side not, I really love and enjoy my job. I wish I did a better job at doing my job, but I really love my job. I like working with Jason. Sometimes I feel like I don't get to hang out with him as often as others, but he and I don't keep the same hours at FBC so it limits the time we're both around, plus if I were to just show up in his office to talk whateverness, he would know write away that I wasn't exactly doing my work -- he is my boss. But just the same, I love my job, and I wouldn't quit it for the world, not right now at least.
All right, I've got to fly. Buzz me this week if you want to eat mexican food. I've such a craving.

It's too late to apologize

To all my friends out there,

I want to apologize for working 15 hours a week at a job I really enjoy, doing what I love.
I want to apologize for being an RA in Gettys. All that talk about how much I hate it is really sarcasm (and this is the real me), I absolutely love it, and wouldn't want anything else. Oh, and I don't really need the money to pay for school. I could use a few extra thousand dollars a semester in student loans.
I want to apologize for taking anywhere from 13-16 hours. Silly me for wanting to graduate on time.
I want to apologize for being in SGA. I really shouldn't want to do something about the school I go to, let alone even care about the place.
I want to apologize for making friends with freshman. I know we live busy, scattered lives and that there is a brand new class at UMHB, but I really shouldn't take an interest and liking to any of them, or what's worse, sit with them at meal times because you're not around when I feel like eating.
I want to apologize for being attracted to specific girls. I should like boys. I live in a guy's dorm, afterall.
I want to apologize for only sleeping 40 hours a week. I shouldn't spend that much time in my bed, which is in my room, which is in Gettys. I shouldn't even be tired. I should spend that time out with you.
I want to apologize for having three of (whom I always thought to be) my closer friends drop me and decide to quit being my friend completely last semester. I was totally at fault for my best friend breaking up with their little heroine, and I was even more wrong by letting the three of them move into an apartment together away from the dorms, where I happen to live.
I want to apologize for not having much to give to you. I really just shouldn't run out of anything.
I want to apologize for running out of joy, patience, happiness, smiles, energy, or enthusiasm. Even though I put in about a 45-50 hour work week between RAing, SGAing, working at the church, going to church, going to class, studying for class, and personal hygene, I should still have plenty of everything left over at the end of every day and every week just for you. Heaven forbid I go empty.

If my behavior because of these factors has seriously offended you this semester, I apologize. However, I would like to add before you start pointing fingers at me, let me see you try a day -- not even a week, one day -- in my shoes. Then you can be disappointed in me.

Immanuel, God With Us

It's been a while since I posted a blog. I thought about posting and tried to post a few days ago, but all that ended up coming out was, well, pretty much crap. In an attempt to resurrect this habit, I'm coming to you again, live from my office at First Baptist Church of Belton. I like typing that out.

Since the last time I blogged, I have realized (actually I just now learned this) that I need an atmosphere of peace and escape in order to successfully blog. I was reflecting over some of my better and more notorious posts on my first blog(s) and found that I used to be extremely good at blogging. It didn't matter when or where I was, whenever I sat down at a computer I could easily compose a blog in a few matters. Now, I know there is a bit of variation to what a blog really is. I mean, if you're Glynis Akins, a blog is a jumbled mix of lyrics to songs. If you're Daniel Rowe, it's a daily update from YouTube. And that's okay, I guess. I mean, I don't really think there's a perfect blog or a perfect way to blog, and I know that this blog isn't without it's blemishes. The point I'm trying to make is really, I miss blogging, and being able to blog.
I'm starting a new paragraph just to detail that further. I miss blogging my life and thoughts with people who cared and would read and share. I also miss reading the about the lives and thoughts of other people, and knowing them so well I couldn't help but care about them. And of course, I miss being able to silence myself away from everything else and give singular devotion, commitment, and attention to waxing poetic. Or, waxing foolishness. Or just plain waxing.

A new semester is less than 24 hours away. For some, however, I wouldn't be surprised that Spring 08 came a day or two early and you've already started. This semester I'm taking 14 hours -- Biblical Backgrounds (3), Brit Lit II (3), Later Pauline Epistles (3), Elementary Greek II (4), and Conditioning (1). Last semester, as you may have read, I pretty much hated my classes. The only one I really honestly enjoyed was...well...really, probably Greek. And even then, I have a bit of a disagreement with taking Greek and making it so difficult. But then, I really don't feel like opening the can of worms that topic could be. Furthermore, I've digressed.
Last semester I hated class. I didn't enjoy or like a one of them, save the Greek mind you, but this semester I'm...marginally more interested in class. Mainly, I'm curious to see what awaits for me in my biblical studies class The Later Pauline Epistles. I really enjoy Paul's letters, and to be honest, I freaking love Paul just in general, so I'm excited and anxious to see what good and glorious things I can learn from taking this class. I favor more the New Testament than the OT, and in the NT I am extremely in love with books like Ephesians, the Corinthians and Thessalonians, and Galatians and Romans. So, we shall see. Yes indeed, we shall see.
Well, I must be off to go eat lunch.
Ta Ta