But I don't really feel fine.
I'm going to have to say something about this before it kills me inside and out. It's really bugging me.
One of my friends has, apparently, had a crush on my best friend for...quite a while now, evidently. I had no idea about it until sometime midway through last semester when I accidentally stumbled upon it. I shook it off and said it wouldn't change things and still kept on making every attempt at keeping the relationships normal.
Well, some time early this semester things got weird. All of a sudden, my best friend's schedule cleared right up and now he has plenty of time to spend hanging out with people. Well, seeing the opportunity and doing what any normal person with a crush would do, my other friend began to call my best friend nonstop to hang out.
Where does this leave me? Screwed, pretty much.
My best friend became free about the same time my year got really hectic, and all of a sudden I don't ever get to see anyone anymore. It gets worse, from my perspective, when every time I stumble upon either of these two friends they seem to be not far apart.
I don't want or mean to take away from their friendship, but I'm not an idiot. She's got it bad for him, and so she's going to make more of an effort for him, especially since she knows he's available and isn't tied down with class and other commitments on campus.
I'm happy that he's got free time, and I'm happy that she's getting to spend so much time with, evidently, the guy she's been dreaming of for quite some time now. The only thing is, I've been in the middle of this watching it happen, and now I'm left out. I've tried talking about it and addressing this specifically and all I've gotten is a "No, Geoff, things won't change, we'll still be friends." And yet, you know what? We're not. She does not even call me anymore.
Oh well. I guess if I wasn't a good enough friend for her to keep me around when things get tough for me and sweet for her, then I'm better off without her, but the thing is I really thought we were.
I'm not saying all these things to sign off a friendship that used to be pretty good, I'm just trying to get my feelings out. I've tried talking about this with several people, and quite honestly nobody wants to listen, or the people who do listen to me won't do anything about it to help me. I'm not fishing for pity and sympathy or encouragement or compliments or anything real specific of that nature, I just want to get it out and off my chest. Because right now, as it stands, I feel as if I've got one real friend left that I can talk with. And unfortunately, for the both of us, I can't tell him this secret. Because it's about him.
That
Just
Sucks
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2 comments:
Aw Geoff, I'm really sorry. I don't know how to help you with this... but sometimes life just sucks. Ha. I'm sure that doesn't help at all actually. So sorry. :(
Geoff, I feel your pain. Honestly, I do. I know how this feels and I've been struggling with this for about a year & a half. It's not easy. I'll be praying for you!!
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