We can work it out!

I just realized that the titles of my blog posts very rarely have anything to do with what I actually blog about. I'm glad "blog" is now a verb. I think my generation has ruined grammar.

So, once upon a time, a boy made a list. He made a list of all the things he desired in a potential girlfriend. Brown hair...blue eyes...played soccer...on went the list, I'm sure you get the gist.
Then one day that boy went to college, and he started having awkward feelings for girls not on the list. So he said...
"To hell with the list."
...
...
...
Umm, that boy is me.
I don't usually use foul language, in fact, I abhor even my vulgar use of the word "p!ss," however, that's how I feel about my list. I don't like using curse words, and I don't advocate it one bit, for one single moment, but I hope I'm using it in a more literal sense and not in the profane, because that's about how honest I feel towards that list. I'm sorry if I've offended you.
My list has confined me, my list has frustrated me, and my list has set me up for a loss before I ever took the field. I'm finding new ways to play the game, with new people, and with a new sense of......vision for the field, so I'm throwing it out. Well, not the whole list in its complete entirety, but the bulk of it. The materialism: the brown hair, the eye color, the athletic tendencies -- although I value a woman who takes care of her body and who is athletic --and the legalistic process of selecting "suitable" girls. I mean, I'll always remember it and carry it with me, and I'll reference it from time to time, and if I should be so lucky as to date a girl who matched the list well, then that's fine with me. My point is, it is not my starting place any longer. It is......simply a memory of who I used to be.
I think from here I'll probably start redefining what I'm looking for. Re...focusing my lens, if you will, to see what is really out there for me. I don't really know exactly where all this......gumption came from, but it's something that started inside me a few days ago that I really feel like letting out. So, it's out.
Ta DA!

And on the issue of my use of the word "hell" out of it's typical or literal context. I am sorry if I have caused you to stumble. I am sorry if I have offended you. I use that word in the sense of my list is a "curse" that I wish to cast off. By sending it to hell, I guess I feel like I'm rid of it.
To me, it's simple.
Have good weeks. As Meg Roe would say, "be intentional."

It's the end of the world as we know it

But I don't really feel fine.
I'm going to have to say something about this before it kills me inside and out. It's really bugging me.
One of my friends has, apparently, had a crush on my best friend for...quite a while now, evidently. I had no idea about it until sometime midway through last semester when I accidentally stumbled upon it. I shook it off and said it wouldn't change things and still kept on making every attempt at keeping the relationships normal.
Well, some time early this semester things got weird. All of a sudden, my best friend's schedule cleared right up and now he has plenty of time to spend hanging out with people. Well, seeing the opportunity and doing what any normal person with a crush would do, my other friend began to call my best friend nonstop to hang out.
Where does this leave me? Screwed, pretty much.
My best friend became free about the same time my year got really hectic, and all of a sudden I don't ever get to see anyone anymore. It gets worse, from my perspective, when every time I stumble upon either of these two friends they seem to be not far apart.
I don't want or mean to take away from their friendship, but I'm not an idiot. She's got it bad for him, and so she's going to make more of an effort for him, especially since she knows he's available and isn't tied down with class and other commitments on campus.
I'm happy that he's got free time, and I'm happy that she's getting to spend so much time with, evidently, the guy she's been dreaming of for quite some time now. The only thing is, I've been in the middle of this watching it happen, and now I'm left out. I've tried talking about it and addressing this specifically and all I've gotten is a "No, Geoff, things won't change, we'll still be friends." And yet, you know what? We're not. She does not even call me anymore.
Oh well. I guess if I wasn't a good enough friend for her to keep me around when things get tough for me and sweet for her, then I'm better off without her, but the thing is I really thought we were.
I'm not saying all these things to sign off a friendship that used to be pretty good, I'm just trying to get my feelings out. I've tried talking about this with several people, and quite honestly nobody wants to listen, or the people who do listen to me won't do anything about it to help me. I'm not fishing for pity and sympathy or encouragement or compliments or anything real specific of that nature, I just want to get it out and off my chest. Because right now, as it stands, I feel as if I've got one real friend left that I can talk with. And unfortunately, for the both of us, I can't tell him this secret. Because it's about him.
That
Just
Sucks

The First Noel

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Please don't be misled by the title. This is not a Christmas blog. Not that I don't like Christmas, or that I won't blog about Christmas, that is simply the song on the radio behind me as I"m typing.
And, as I've already alluded to, I'm awake, typing on my laptop listening to Christmas music on 94.9 KLTY. And it's 5:33. AM. Go me.
I like to get real sentimental around holiday times, and I always hate it. I usually like to think and dream about how my life could be, but isn't really. I think one of the most satisfying Thanksgivings I've ever had was either last year or when I was a junior in high school. And I wasn't sentimental at those times.
I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and swollen neck. I felt just about awful, and I ended up napping twice yesterday, not doing any of my homework. This morning, I woke up a little over an hour ago, and I'm blogging and Facebooking instead of reading and translating.
The one thought that I have wanted to blog for a few days or so now is about dating. Yes, I know I blogged a few weeks ago about "Pursuing A Girl," but that wasn't about dating in the sense of what I'm thinking

I'm going to come right out and say it. My dad never taught me how to date a girl. He never talked to me about how to "woo" a princess, or even to see a girl as a princess. Sure, I got the sex-talk when I was in 5th grade after my D.A.R.E. graduation, but there was a never a talk about what dating is, how to ask a girl on a date, when to back off and when to push forward, things to say and things not to say -- I never got that talk. Is that a talk guys have with their dads these days?
I know that I can watch shows like "Home Improvement" and I see Tim Taylor giving his oldest son Brad tips and advice for going dancing with his girl Jennifer, and I watch movies and see moms and daughters sitting around talking about "their man/men," but I know for a fact that doesn't happen in my family.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and dad and I wouldn't trade them for anyone, but I realized just Wednesday that he never sat me down and explained to me more fully the crazy world of girls and dating.
So, what do I resolve to do about this? Continue to figure things out the best I can on my own. And that means "things" that are "Dad-ward" and "girl-ward;" I will try and attempt to understand girls better on my part, but I will also try to find a common ground where my dad and I can meet to talk about such things. I don't know if it will work. I don't know if he'll come to me, and I don't know if I'll ever understand things with girls more than I do now. I probably will just because I've learned a lot about them just this semester alone, and that proves to me I have much more to learn, but still. Girls are awkward and hard to figure out.
Anyway, before this becomes a ramble, I'll sign off. Hopefully, I'll feel better today. Hopefully the swelling will go down, my throat will relax, and I can hang up Christmas lights as well as do homework.
Or at least hang up Christmas lights.

I'm out