You Are Welcome Here

So, a few things I learned/to learn from my Super Summer experience.

• Despite my tiny and small and timid expectations, God can yield big results
• The King of the Universe loves me and I am His favorite
• The world may appear to have forgotten me, but God has not
• Blessings are all around me, I have only to adjust my perspective
• God loves me, and He has blessed me
• God wants His people to know He's here, and He's calling us to action

As I was typing this, I realized not a single one of these is a complaint, and everyone relates directly to God. It ammuses me that I can spend a week in a strange and new environment, and walk out knowing only new things about God, and my relationship with Him.

For those of you who don't know, I went to Super Summer as a sponsor for the youth in my younger sister's youth ministry. I was assigned to Orange School, or students just having completed the 9th grade, going into the 10th grade. 15 year olds, mostly. I had 12 to co-"babysit" and lead, really, all week long with a girl from Dickinson, Texas. It was fun.

I met a lot of new people, and saw a few old and familiar faces. Great chance to see and meet some UMHB Alumni (almost all were mid-90s grads), and get to know a few youth ministers from various places around the state of Texas. One offered me an internship, one was a good friend to me the entire week. Got a business card from one friend there, and another I encouraged to apply to UMHB.

The joy and perspective God granted me and allowed me while I was at Super Summer was a much needed rescue in the middle of the summer. In fact, I don't know how I could have made it this far without Super Summer there to save me. I am ever so thankful for the joy and experience and memories that I carry with me now from the past week. If you prayed for me even a little bit at all while I was gone, thank you.

As the Spirit begins to strike me, I'll continue to post more things from my week. And if you're reading this and you were with me last week, let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you friend.

And we, we love you. We love you, Lord, we love you. We love you.

It's amazing to me how often I forget these words. I want to climb up on my high horse and tell God what I want and need and expect, and I forget what He's already said to me.

God, humble my heart, discipline it to your will. Break my will, oh Lord, and transform my mind. Consume me with your strength and your presence, break me down so I may be made new in you again. Please, hold on to me so that I never leave your side.
Thank You
Amen

"Its the beauty of simplicity
That brings me down to my knees
Praise You for eternity
And Lord I love you because you, you first loved me"

The First Noel

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Please don't be misled by the title. This is not a Christmas blog. Not that I don't like Christmas, or that I won't blog about Christmas, that is simply the song on the radio behind me as I"m typing.
And, as I've already alluded to, I'm awake, typing on my laptop listening to Christmas music on 94.9 KLTY. And it's 5:33. AM. Go me.
I like to get real sentimental around holiday times, and I always hate it. I usually like to think and dream about how my life could be, but isn't really. I think one of the most satisfying Thanksgivings I've ever had was either last year or when I was a junior in high school. And I wasn't sentimental at those times.
I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and swollen neck. I felt just about awful, and I ended up napping twice yesterday, not doing any of my homework. This morning, I woke up a little over an hour ago, and I'm blogging and Facebooking instead of reading and translating.
The one thought that I have wanted to blog for a few days or so now is about dating. Yes, I know I blogged a few weeks ago about "Pursuing A Girl," but that wasn't about dating in the sense of what I'm thinking

I'm going to come right out and say it. My dad never taught me how to date a girl. He never talked to me about how to "woo" a princess, or even to see a girl as a princess. Sure, I got the sex-talk when I was in 5th grade after my D.A.R.E. graduation, but there was a never a talk about what dating is, how to ask a girl on a date, when to back off and when to push forward, things to say and things not to say -- I never got that talk. Is that a talk guys have with their dads these days?
I know that I can watch shows like "Home Improvement" and I see Tim Taylor giving his oldest son Brad tips and advice for going dancing with his girl Jennifer, and I watch movies and see moms and daughters sitting around talking about "their man/men," but I know for a fact that doesn't happen in my family.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and dad and I wouldn't trade them for anyone, but I realized just Wednesday that he never sat me down and explained to me more fully the crazy world of girls and dating.
So, what do I resolve to do about this? Continue to figure things out the best I can on my own. And that means "things" that are "Dad-ward" and "girl-ward;" I will try and attempt to understand girls better on my part, but I will also try to find a common ground where my dad and I can meet to talk about such things. I don't know if it will work. I don't know if he'll come to me, and I don't know if I'll ever understand things with girls more than I do now. I probably will just because I've learned a lot about them just this semester alone, and that proves to me I have much more to learn, but still. Girls are awkward and hard to figure out.
Anyway, before this becomes a ramble, I'll sign off. Hopefully, I'll feel better today. Hopefully the swelling will go down, my throat will relax, and I can hang up Christmas lights as well as do homework.
Or at least hang up Christmas lights.

I'm out

I am free to run

*"For if I want to boast, I will not be a fool, because I will be telling the truth. But I will spare you, so that no one can credit me with something beyond what he sees in me or hears from me, especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:6-10

God, make me weak. Please, oh God, please, make me weak.



*Holman Christian Standard Bible

It's a Beautiful Day

Holy crap. I love those two words. Hmm.

It's good to be blogging again. I know I blogged early-early yesterday morning, but I feel as if I've lived a thousand lifetimes since then.
GOOD NEWS!!! I've put more thought to the whole "pursuing-a-girl" jazz. Umm, here it goes:

• I've started with prayer. Before I go to be at night, I pray. Before I get too far into my day, I pray. It's, uh, been interesting. My prayers have grown from "God, grant me the enabling to simply be a friend," to something much deeper and more intimate. I don't note this to build myself up and sound ultra-pious, but to let you know that I have grown. The depth to which God has grown me is a little too personal for a blog on the world wide web, but I have suddenly grown into a new relationship and understanding with God my Father. It's a relationship of sacrifice, because for all I know God may answer my prayer with a new direction, but it's a necessary step that must be taken.
• I've also learned a huge lesson in respect and self-control and patience. I know it's not fair for me to throw three of those into one like that, however they all just kind of came at me in one thought because I see how they are related. I'll try to divide and conquer so it's a little more easy to understand.
  When pursuing a girl and a lady and a woman of God, you have to understand before almost anything else that she is a person too, with her own story, her own friends, her own life, her own choices to make. The next step in that understanding is embracing respect for her story, her friends, her life, her choices. It then takes self-control and patience to constantly remind yourself NOT to monopolize and consume her time, and to respect how she chooses to interact with the above in her day-to-day.
• This leaves us with honesty. Honesty with yourself, honesty with her, honesty with God, honesty with your friends and her friends, and honesty with society at large. People aren't stupid, however they are prone to persuasion, and the more time and energy you invest in some one the more easily he or she will be persuaded to perceive care and concern on your part. If it is real, and genuine, then honesty will continue to carry the relationship on to wherever it leads. If it is misinterpreted and wrong, then honesty will steer the relationship to its next point in life. At either end of the spectrum, honesty is huge.

I don't know if you can get anything out of this, but it's just what I've come across and discovered in the past couple of days. Please don't be fooled into thinking that because I have discovered these joys that I am putting them into practice and "perfecting my craft" (it's an expression, not a statement of fact), almost the opposite; I would actually want to urge you to understand that my story has been one of struggle, one of sacrificing my pride and interests for the betterment of the relationship, and in their place I have chased after the elements mentioned above.
Having said all of this, there is a very obvious elephant in the room. If this post has lead you to the assuming question that perhaps I am speaking from recent, practical experience, then yes is your answer.

To change topics slightly, this should not be much longer, I am tired. I have not been sleeping as much as need be in the past few nights, and I think my contact lenses have been out of my eyes more than 8 hours once in the last 12 days. Tonight, I want to go to bed early, and sleep well.
I've noticed that with the steady decline in my sleep I've also seen a noticable increase in my agitation come daybreak, and a decrease in my performance in my academic, social, and physical endeavors (the day-to-day hustle and bustle) and I hope that by committing to more sleep tonight that I can awake refreshed and restrengthened for a new, beautiful day. That's what I strive for, and I think after all things are stripped away from today, I can say with honesty that it has been a beautiful day.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember

Today has been butt-diggity long. Long, long, long. Why?

Tonight was FYC's infamous "Date Auction: The Bachelor." I really do love how cool college is. It cracks me up. Anyway.
Tonight was Date Auction, and, I had fun, but I'm tired. I'm tired physically, I'm tired mentally, I'm tired socially, I'm tired spiritually. Between work, and class, and homework for class, and FBC, and RA, and Date Auction, and SGA, and intramurals, and balancing friends and a social life and this and that and this and that and on and on and on, I'm tired. As a sabattical, I turn to blogging to release my tiredness.

I'm tired physically. My sleeping pattern has evolved into stay-up-late-working-hard-and-then-go-to-sleep-early-on-a-weekend-and-sleep-in. It does not work that way.
I'm tired mentally. One of the worst part of my pride and vanity is that I try to do everything myself and bare my own burdens on my strength. By the end of the day, my mind is worn out taking care of myself, and then it has homework to do. Not to mention the fact that people come to me asking for my help in whatever they're doing more than I'm starting to like.
I'm tired socially. This has a lot to do with that last one. Evidently I'm cool or popular or well-liked or well-known or something, so people want me to participate in what they're doing. People want me to give them advice on dating girls, or how to handle relationships, or, at the least, they want 5 minutes of my time in Hardy when I could just be eating and enjoying the quiet.
I'm tired spiritually. God, I feel like we've been over and over this one a little too frequently. I've just started this new job and I'm excited because I've been honored with the blessing of leading your people and your church, but God I don't know how to use my gifts in the role in which I'm currently serving. I don't mind inheriting responsibility, but with that responsibility give me the freedom and the authority to use my gifts in service to you.

I know this post is more of a whine than a philosophic pondering. If you want something to ponder, tell me what you think about neo-platonic love and relationships under neo-platonism. Guys should be friends with guys so they don't fall victims to lust and depravity; kissing is like touching souls and looking into a person's eyes is to see them as they really are -- that kind of good stuff. It's something that's been kicking around inside my head, I've just not formalized my position(s) yet.
Good
Night

'Cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes

Lately, I've struggled with doing things for me. I want to do something for some one else, so I jump into it. Forgive me, this isn't really going to be a logical or coherent thought, and it may come across rather unpolished. So for now, just accept that I need to start re-committing things back to myself.

I've been having odd dreams lately. I'll pick on Friday night. I dreamt I was going back to Romania. It was amazing. I got to see all the loved ones I have in Bucharest, and I had the whole summer ahead of me.
It reminds me of a crazy dream that I have that, I guess, I'll let out into the open. I would love the opportunity to go to Romania and teach. I would love to spend a summer in Romania, learning the language, loving the people, and edifying the body. Before I left for Romania I had this crazy idea that I could do just that next summer. The last night there Soterius (pastor of AlfaOmega) asked me if my dad (who he found out was a professor) would be interested in coming to Romania to teach basic bible classes in a university type setting. I can't exactly speak for my dad, although we did talk about this and he wasn't opposed to the idea, however I know that if that opportunity was presented to me I would have my bags packed the next day.
So, there it is. God, I would love to go to Romania and teach about You. If You want this too, make it happen. I love you.

I've also had a multitude of different things happening in the past few days/weeks. As my previous post (two, actually...) would indicate, I am now working at FBC Belton. I'm interning with Jason Goings, the Assistant Pastor and College and Missions Minister. Today was my first day. It was a crazy long one, I spent four hours trying to acclimated to the atmosphere of FBC Belton, but I'm starting to like it. When I was a youth I wanted to do youth ministry, now as a college student I'm getting to do college ministry from an intern's perspective, so maybe when I'm more grown than now I'll get to do adult ministry.
To be completely honest, I feel called and gifted into teaching and pastoral ministry. God has granted me an amazing mind that can think and learn and understand and teach, and a heart that desires to disciple the lost and the church, and I want to use those gifts for Him, for Christ's Body. I wish I could jump up and say college ministry is the passion of my heart, but honestly ministering to those around me, feeling and meeting their needs, and struggling to figure out how to persevere in Christ is really my passion. So, if along the way, I get to work with college students, it'll be okay.

Something else that has been flying around has been the issue/idea/topic of dating. More specifically, "pursuing a girl." If I had a quarter for every time I have heard a girl say to me this semester "I want a boy to pursue me...You're the boy, so pursue her...As the man in the relationship, it is the man's job to pursue the woman..." I once -- 10th grade, mind you -- had the bold notion of recording my thoughts on the art of pursuing girls, yet it never quite came to fruition. Por que no? I was too lazy. Last night, though, I put away some serious thought in this direction, and I ended up going a little deeper than what I'm ready for. Although, I haven't followed my thoughts out to their logical end yet, so maybe my MO is somewhere along the way of the biblical pursuit of a woman. I don't know. Just a thought. I can say this much, though, when I do figure out more of this, I'll be sure to post it here. For now, I'll just keep my thoughts to myself, and figure them out along the way.

And finally, I'm starting to discover that blogging is something very cathartic for me. I used to be in such a great habit of blogging constantly, however with the uprising of MySpace and the downfall of Xanga I fell out of the saddle. Today I discovered that Daniel Rowe makes a concerted effort to blog just about once a day and I was jealous. Even as I am typing, I'm realizing that blogging is a good way to purge troublesome thoughts from the soul, and write out my problems into words to grasp them more tangibly. He made the comment "I get paid to blog," and I suddenly realized the need I have for consistency and positive habits in my life. Maybe not patterns, but discipline. I have a strong need to fill a lackadaisical hole in my life with discipline, and I'd like to think that blogging could be one piece to what is missing.

Thank you