The Other Side of Love

No, no music quote today. I realized just now that this is my 102nd blog post to this blog, so in honor of a new "century" of blogging, I will not hold myself to using song quotes or titles to title my blog.

I've decided to call a recent phase of life "The Other Side of Love." In the past 12-15 months, I have endured some pretty crappy relationships with people. Some of it would be my responsibility, some of it would be their responsibility, but a lot of it proves that life is just very hard sometimes. But, now having gone through it, and to be slowly emerging on the other side of it, I feel like a better person, but more importantly I know I'm a better person.

A thought that has bugged my thoughts over the past few weeks deals with Jesus' commandment to love others as we love ourselves. What happens if we don't love ourselves very much, or at all, or at least very well? Are we then, to be obedient to Jesus, not to love others very much, or at all, or at least very well? This was replayed over and over again in my head for a few weeks. What I've come to learn is: Yes, it is possible not to love ourselves very much, or at all, or even very well, and unfortunately, to love others in the exact same manner.

But I've also come to learn exactly how to love myself, and how to love myself so much better than I imagined. I've learned how to embrace myself as a sinner, as a child of God, as a beggar, as a student, as a person who fails and succeeds. I've learned that it's okay for me not to be perfect, because I know the Gospel tells me as much, but I know that the Gospel also tells me that even though I'm much more lost than I could have ever feared, I'm also loved more than I could have ever hoped. That's the kind of love I've learned, and am still learning.

I've learned that if I don't love the people who suck, the people who let me down, the people who disappoint me, the people who hurt me, then I'll never love anyone, not even myself. That's a tough pill to swallow, but it's oddly comforting once you've got it down, and it's incredibly transforming once it takes effect.

I know I'm not perfect, and I'll do everything I can to no longer pretend like I should be, or that I think I could be. I'm not perfect, and I won't ever be perfect, not this side of Heaven. But, I still love myself even though I'm imperfect, and I'm learning every day how to love myself and others better.