Time After Time

I found this story at Reuters on my Gmail news blurb thing of the day. I thought I would share it with everyone as a very blog worthy thought.
Merry Christmas my friends.

One is the Loneliest Number You Could Ever Do

So, I know that I proclaimed last post that I would quit blogging for a while, until I had "blogworthy" thoughts. I think today counts as a blogworthy day.

So, to begin, I'm at home. Everytime I'm at home I think my sister, she's 16, likes to think that I'm back in town after being away for a while, and she doesn't have the same mindset as I do -- I don't really live here anymore, I just come here sometimes to get away from school.
Well, last night my sister, Anna, tells me that we, the family, are going to see "National Treasure: Book of Secrets" today. I'm fine with that, but I really want to go see "I Am Legend." So, this morning, about 9:30, my sister busts into my room, thinking that really, I'm home for the holidays not really on vacation from UMHBelton, and starts yelling at me to wake me up. See, when I lived at home in high school, on the rare occasion that I slept in this was her favorite way of waking me up -- come in, turn on the light, yell at me in an authoritative mommy voice "GEOFFREY!!! WAKE UP!!! GET UP!!! IT'S (fill in time here)!!!" She then sits down on my bed next to me and says, "Geoffrey, if you want to go with us to see "National Treasure" you need to get up now and be ready by 10:20 because the movie starts at 10:45."
"Umm, okay," I respond. "Is there a showing about that time for 'I Am Legend?' Does dad want to go?"
"Dad? I don't know, I think there's one starting at 11:00," Anna.
"Okay, but I can sleep in until 10 and then get up and shower and be off with you guys?"
"Yeah, but we're leaving at 10:20."
"Yes, Anna, I know. But as long as I'm ready to go by 10:20 I can still ride with you guys?"
"I guess so, if you want to."
So I, being the college student that I am, roll and over and go back to sleep until about 10:02. I get up, take my shower, get out and begin getting dressed around 10:15ish. My sister yells up at me "Geoffrey, we're leaving!"
I walk out of my room and look downstairs and say, "What? You're leaving now?"
"Yes, we're going to have to take two cars, so you can just come when you're ready. Here's your ticket to 'I Am Legend.'"
I think to myself, "What? 'I Am Legend?' I thought we were all going to go see 'National Treasure...'"
"What?" I ask. And it hits me. She bought me a stinking ticket to "I Am Legend" all for myself. "Never mind, I'm not talking to you." With that, I go back in my room and continue to get dressed and ready for the day.
My dad shows up in my door to talk to me because I won't talk to my sister, and explains that now we're going in three cars because he's bringing back some family that don't want to go shopping after the movie. I ask him if I'm going to "I Am Legend" by myself. His reply is "Yes."
Great. Thanks. Thank you FAMILY for buying me a freaking ticket to go see a movie by myself. Never mind asking me if I want to go by myself, never mind asking me if I'd rather compromise and see "National Treasure" with everyone else, just go ahead and buy my ticket off of Fandango for me and I'll be more than content to sit by myself in a theatre for two hours.
Have I ever gone to a movie by myself?
Certainly, if I wanted to see "I Am Legend" that badly enough, I would have already gone now and just seen it by myself already. If I have a car, and if I have the $6 to buy a ticket, and if I have the time, why would I have not already gone to see any movie of interest to me by now?
Hmm, maybe it's because I DON'T GO TO MOVIES ALONE! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE NEVER, HAVE I EVER, WANTED TO GO OR ASKED TO GO TO A MOVIE BY MYSELF, ESPECIALLY WHEN MY FAMILY IS TWO THEATRES DOWN! (okay, maybe all caps was a bit too bold...)
I don't think anger is strong enough or even applicable enough to describe how I felt. My own family just bought me a ticket to go see a movie by myself. The same family that has told me in the past to suck it up and go along with what the family wanted just arbitrarily bought me a ticket to go and be by myself. And, might I add, ON FREAKING CHRISTMAS EVE!!! WHAT THE CRAP!?!?!?!?
So, what did I do?
I went and saw the freaking movie. I wasn't about to let that perfectly good ticket go to waste. I wasn't about to let my dad know he wasted $10 buying me a ticket online with his credit card. I wasn't about to NOT go see a movie I've been looking forward to for some time now.
But still, by myself? BY MY FREAKING SELF!?!?!? ON CHRISTMAS EVE!?!?!?! Geeze, this is RIDICULOUS!
Aside from all this, the movie was good. I actually almost enjoyed being by myself for a change. Maybe if I'm ever completely burnt out on all things, and hate all my friends, and my entire life, I might go back to see a movie by myself again, but according to Facebook I've got about 475 people to burn through at UMHB before I'm that alone.
So, Merry Christmas to you and yours, and may your yuletide be as gay as ever. Mine certainly has been.

He's a Tramp, but they love him

I think it's safe to say I have not very much that is blog-worthy.
For that, I am going on a sa-blog-ical; a sabbatical from blogging. I am waiting until I have good thoughts to blog, then I will bring them here instead of crap about crap.
Thanks, see you around.

Oh Holy Night

I sure wish I could sleep.
I sure wish I could sleep regularly.
I sure wish I could sleep regularly, at night.

I liked growing up in Midlothian, and I was proud to be an MHS graduate/alumni, and I even enjoyed coming home last year, but I am not lying when I say I'm not exactly thrilled to be here. I love my family, I love my friends, but life here in the Midlo is boring, sluggish, blaaaah.
Now, on the upside, I have had plenty of time to lay around, sleep, watch TV and movies, and yesterday I did a photo shoot with KB. In addition to all this laziness, I've had a chance to "climb out of the trenches," to paraphrase a friend. It's been a nice opportunity to examine my life at UMHB from a distance and not have to worry about RAing or SGA or class, however I know that perspective can change when you're in the thick of things.
I'm really glad to not be at school right now and I'm glad to have some vacation time. I said I wanted to do some reading over the break, but I don't know if I'm going to get around to doing a whole lot of it.
I don't know how I feel about Christmas coming up so soon, I haven't done any of my Christmas shopping yet, but the photo shoot yesterday was for the cranmother. That's one thing down, and I plan on doing more today after or around whenever Erica and I hang out.

On a side note, before I leave, I have this awkward, nagging thought that tells me I may be making a mess of things. I just might be doing things...well, wrong.

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

The first time I heard this story was a little over a year ago, and shortly thereafter I blogged it on Myspace. Uhh, I could urge you to think about it, but I'm pretty sure you'll get the picture.

I heard a story this morning about a lady who was feeling the stress of the holidays. She was feeling a lot of pressure between getting all the gifts for everyone, cleaning the house for the company, preparing food for the inlaws when they came over, and typical stress of life in general. She was out and about shopping one afternoon at the mall and was attempting to make her way downstairs. As the elevator filled with people, it was obvious that there would not be room for her inside with all her bags. Still, she insisted on cramming herself in the elevator, with her purse and bags and everything in tow. Finally inside, she grunted out of exasperation and said to the crowd, "Whoever came up with this Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot. "There was a silent pause throughout the elevator for a moment before a voice from the back said, "Well, we've already crucified Him."

This Could Be a Long One...

In honor of the special circumstances regarding this post, I'm not going to title this particular post with song lyrics. Sorry if you were expecting it.

I'll get right to the heart of what's on my mind (1 of 3 possible, potential topics), I have trust issues. I got blown off hXc by the group I considered my best friends this year. The people I chose to do life with more or less disowned me and left me hanging. Needless to say, screwed me up pretty bad. Imagine what you'd be like if three of your best friends quit being your best friends but still hung out together. Sucks. There are about four people from last year that I would still consider my closest of friends, and to those four I am eternally grateful and I hope and pray our friendship will continue forever.
Topic 2
My second topic is much the same. It's about our stories. Your story, my story, his story, her story, our story. Just recently I began to consider what people and characters I want to add to m story of life. I mean, think about it, for a second. When you read something like Lord of The Rings, look at the characters Frodo and Aragorn and all those guys kept with them on their journey. They were helpful, they were loyal, there was a strong bond there. Do I have a similar bond with the people in my life? Do I want to call this person a best friend? Could she be my girlfriend? Is this guy a worthy mentor, should I follow his guidance? I don't know. But it's something to think about, I think. I know for me and my life, I'm going to be a little more critical (if that's even possible for me) when I judge and consider my friends and the relations I have in life. Not to sound selfish and say that these relationships are all about me, but I don't want transient characters or even characters who will give my story a premature ending. So, yeah, something to think about.
Topic 3
The Golden Compass (which is, apparently, based on the book "The Northern Lights" by Phillip Pullman...), shall I say more. Saw the movie, it was a waste of $17, I paid for two tickets, and have now decided that yes, Pullman has a vendetta against the Catholic Church and the liturgy therein, and that it wasn't even that well made of a movie. I can wait to see the sequels on DVD, but only if I decide that's a good idea. I know that my attitude of "I decide" is the exact attitude that Christians are trying to squash out with the presence of this movie and these novels, however as God-appointed and -gifted leader for the church, I do have to decide, and I decide that not seeing them will benefit me and others in the long run.

Umm, that's all. Hit me back if you want. If not, then don't.
Have good breaks, I promise I'll blog much much more over the Xmas holiday season. May even go to the Houston area, we'll see.
Focker Out

You want me to change, well I changed for you

Today was the first time in a LOOOONG time I have listened to my Coldplay. Man, do I love those guys. I am also finding myself with the time to blog. Aha, about that ;)

I am stuck on duty, with a final exam in the morning, at 8:30, and I am not studying. I am finding it more and more difficult to study in the lobby here in Gettys. It's been something bothersome to me all semester, but even more so now because it's finals week. I can only hope that next semester it won't be as bad. But, no way of knowing.
Umm, I'd really love to blog, but there are too many things distracting me from that now, so I'm going to have to postpone my bestest post until after my Greek exam Tuesday. Okay, much love.
Adio

I'm yours and suddenly you're mine, love burns brighter than sunshine

It's interesting to me the nicknames people will give each other. For example, I know this one guy, his name is Pi'dadro. He's half black, half hispanic. People call him P Diddy. Wow, duh. My name is Geoffrey, I'm pretty much as white as you can get, and people call me Geoff, Geoffey, and a few call me G-Off. It's interesting. Simply interesting.
I have an Intro to Philosophy final exam tomorrow at 1 PM. I have yet to study for it. Fortunately, I get off duty about now, and I have two gift cards to Starbucks and plenty of time to study. I can't decide if I want to pull a complete all-nighter and stay up until after I take the exam, or if I want to spend a good 3 or 4 hours at Starbucks studying and reviewing and go to bed whenever I feel most confident. I'm going to need a good 6 hours, but I probably won't get to studying for at least another half hour. Or I could run through my notes and the study guide now for a little over an hour, go to bed, get up around 8, and study straight into the final. I hate that idea, because studying that much right up until the test usually kills my brain.
So, in short, I don't know what I'll be doing, but I'm leaning more towards Starbucks, although it will be more than likely packed.
I'm sorry I haven't blogged a whole lot lately, I've been real busy with exams. I'm feeling better than the last post, though I've got a new set of problems now. I think that's how life goes. If you get your work done on time or before it's due, you don't get an award, you get more work that slackers aren't doing (I'm sure if you stretch the definition you can understand what I'm talking about). I don't mean to sound dramatic saying I've got such terrible problems in life, I say that just to say life's struggles keep coming, and I keep working through them.
A few things to note before I sign off:
Good friends
Flaky friends
Friends of convenience
Fights with friends
Final exams
Crap
Work
Sleep

Okay, good night

It's a Wonderful Night for a Moon Dance

I have much to say, but little strength and time with which to say it.
Suffice it to say, I have had a decent enough weekend, but now I am being consumed by fear. I'm praying that God will take care of me.
I'm scared.
I'm praying.

Sunday's Here! Hallelujah!

I have no idea if those are the exact right words and punctuation, but oh well.

So, the week of hell is over. I finished my book review last night -- erm, this morning -- around 4 am. I've got to say, it's pretty good. Probably one of the better papers I've written in college so far. I don't think I could have written a better one even if I had read my book cover to cover and all over again a few times. I feel that good about it.
But, there is a catch to my happiness.
I set two alarms last night when I went to bed, one for 8:30 and another for 8:36, and slept through BOTH OF THEM!!! The paper was due at 9 and I didn't wake until a little after 10!!! Oh man, the first thing I did was pull out the laptop and email Dr. Bryant my paper with the most sincere apology I could write after being awake for only 10 minutes. Gah, I hope he accepts it.
And, the Mass Media project.
So, I'm not going to lie, this project is probably one of the best I've EVER done at anything, and I haven't really felt more proud of or been more encouraged to do the work for any project more than this one. My project, in case you were wondering, was to analyze the Star Wars films and compare the elements, characters, themes, events in the movie to corresponding Christian elements, characters, themes, events etc. So, for example, Anakin Skywalker's fall is an echo of the Fall of Man, and Luke Skywalker's redemption of his father from the Dark Side is a parallel of Christ's redemptive work on the cross.
Well.
With about two or three minutes left in my presentation, MRS. VICTORIA KENDIG, decides to interject her own opinion. She says, "I don't really like it when people try to compare Christ to other characters. And I think this is probably one of the worst I've seen..."
Oh yeah.
I tried to wait and see if she was going to finish that with some sort of sarcastic punch-line, or maybe turn it around to at least try and be constructive, but no. She said a few more things that furthered her point, but WHO THE HECK INSULTS A STUDENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR PRESENTATION!?!?!?!?
Furthermore, if she had such a problem with my topic and the material I would be presenting, why did she approve my topic in the first place when she first received my proposal, THREE MONTHS AGO?!?!?!? She's had plenty of time to let me know this would offend her, or at least possibly be inappropriate, why the heck would she wait until the MIDDLE of my presentation to do so?
Yeah.
I.
WAS.
MAD!

Believe it or not, but life is not apparently about me anyways

Much to do, much to say.
I want to be a thespian. I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to act. I'm coming out of the closet and confessing that I have some deep and awkward desire to perform. I like to think I'm funny, I like to think I'm a decent actor, I like to think I can write well. I have some deep and awkward desire to perform.
Ha! There it is!

This week I have a huge project due in one class, a huge paper due in another, and constant daily work and an essay due in all my other classes. This could very well be my last blog for a while. I do now know, but it could be.
Thanksgiving Break was not that great for me. I would have rather spent more time asleep, but that's trivial at this point. I got kind of sick too, and that just sucked. No way around it, I hated being sick on Thanksgiving. And to be honest, I'm still not back to 100% yet either. I hate it. I hate it. Didn't get to eat a whole lot.
Watched a lot of movies, though, spent a lot of time INSIDE my house, played a lot on the internet, and well, yeah that's it.
This is becomming a ramble because I'm procrastinating. Goodbye.

And we, we love you. We love you, Lord, we love you. We love you.

It's amazing to me how often I forget these words. I want to climb up on my high horse and tell God what I want and need and expect, and I forget what He's already said to me.

God, humble my heart, discipline it to your will. Break my will, oh Lord, and transform my mind. Consume me with your strength and your presence, break me down so I may be made new in you again. Please, hold on to me so that I never leave your side.
Thank You
Amen

"Its the beauty of simplicity
That brings me down to my knees
Praise You for eternity
And Lord I love you because you, you first loved me"

The First Noel

Which Disney Princess Are You?
	You are Cinderella. You are hard-working and never complain, however, your trust is sometimes misplaced and people sometimes take advantage of you. Still, you are beautiful inside and out, and one day you will realize it and find true love.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Please don't be misled by the title. This is not a Christmas blog. Not that I don't like Christmas, or that I won't blog about Christmas, that is simply the song on the radio behind me as I"m typing.
And, as I've already alluded to, I'm awake, typing on my laptop listening to Christmas music on 94.9 KLTY. And it's 5:33. AM. Go me.
I like to get real sentimental around holiday times, and I always hate it. I usually like to think and dream about how my life could be, but isn't really. I think one of the most satisfying Thanksgivings I've ever had was either last year or when I was a junior in high school. And I wasn't sentimental at those times.
I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and swollen neck. I felt just about awful, and I ended up napping twice yesterday, not doing any of my homework. This morning, I woke up a little over an hour ago, and I'm blogging and Facebooking instead of reading and translating.
The one thought that I have wanted to blog for a few days or so now is about dating. Yes, I know I blogged a few weeks ago about "Pursuing A Girl," but that wasn't about dating in the sense of what I'm thinking

I'm going to come right out and say it. My dad never taught me how to date a girl. He never talked to me about how to "woo" a princess, or even to see a girl as a princess. Sure, I got the sex-talk when I was in 5th grade after my D.A.R.E. graduation, but there was a never a talk about what dating is, how to ask a girl on a date, when to back off and when to push forward, things to say and things not to say -- I never got that talk. Is that a talk guys have with their dads these days?
I know that I can watch shows like "Home Improvement" and I see Tim Taylor giving his oldest son Brad tips and advice for going dancing with his girl Jennifer, and I watch movies and see moms and daughters sitting around talking about "their man/men," but I know for a fact that doesn't happen in my family.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and dad and I wouldn't trade them for anyone, but I realized just Wednesday that he never sat me down and explained to me more fully the crazy world of girls and dating.
So, what do I resolve to do about this? Continue to figure things out the best I can on my own. And that means "things" that are "Dad-ward" and "girl-ward;" I will try and attempt to understand girls better on my part, but I will also try to find a common ground where my dad and I can meet to talk about such things. I don't know if it will work. I don't know if he'll come to me, and I don't know if I'll ever understand things with girls more than I do now. I probably will just because I've learned a lot about them just this semester alone, and that proves to me I have much more to learn, but still. Girls are awkward and hard to figure out.
Anyway, before this becomes a ramble, I'll sign off. Hopefully, I'll feel better today. Hopefully the swelling will go down, my throat will relax, and I can hang up Christmas lights as well as do homework.
Or at least hang up Christmas lights.

I'm out

It starts at my toes makes me crinkle my nose

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatpartofthanksgivingareyouquiz/">What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Everybody Wants To Be A Cat

My blogs, thoughts, prayers, and stool have been real heavy lately, so this is going to be a little lighter, a little less heavy. A little more relaxed, and, hopefully for you Khang, a little shorter.
Well, not my stool, that's just a joke.

Thanksgiving is in a few days, and if I don't slow down I just might miss it. If I don't take a few more breaths, take a few steps back, and slow my motor down, I just might miss one of the best, most American holidays ever conceived.
As I'm sitting in my office -- yes, my office -- I get this feeling of..."Hey, I'm there!" I remember so distinctly being a high school student with confusing aspirations towards ministry watching and learning from young guys, college-aged or barely out of college, as they work and do ministry, working inside a church building. Now, as I sit here, in my office, I want to claim that satisfaction in God and realize that I'm in that place too, now, sort of. I'm an intern for a large church, I have an office, I do things that a minister does, and it feels kind of cool.
Like I said, nothing real deep and heavy. Just an appreciative note.
Hope this was short enough for you Khang-a-Lang

I am free to run

*"For if I want to boast, I will not be a fool, because I will be telling the truth. But I will spare you, so that no one can credit me with something beyond what he sees in me or hears from me, especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:6-10

God, make me weak. Please, oh God, please, make me weak.



*Holman Christian Standard Bible

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!

Currently, I'm feeling a little conflicted. A little confused. A little hurt. A little upset. A little mad. A lot tired and ready for bed.

I'm tired of sitting down at the end of my day and saying the same thing, "Today has been a long day," or "Today has been a crap day." Once, just once, I want to sit down, at the end of my day, and say "Today has been a great day. So much was accomplished today, wow, I am so amazed."
This isn't to say that I don't have good days, not at all. I just want GREAT DAYS!!! Know what I mean? I want days that really encourage me to go to bed at night so I can wake up and have a new one just like it all over again. I want days filled with awesome growth and accomplishment, and awesome thriving relationships.
I think that's where I'd like to camp out right now. Relationships. My relationships are going everywhere. I don't understand them. Obviously, if you read my last post, I'm searching for a more personal relationship right now, which isn't really growing in a direction that I understand at the moment. The catch with that is that I have more than just that one relationship, however I think most of my relationships are growing in a direction I don't like or understand too.
I'm feeling estranged and disconnected from a lot of my friends. I always figured that as college went on, I would grow closer to the people around me, but lately it seems the people I love and cherish the most just aren't available when I need them. Whether that unavailability comes from their own choosing, or simply unfortunate circumstances, I don't know. All I can really say is that I wish those friendships were more rockin' awesome than they are now.

God, thank you for the patience to make it through this day. Thank you for the quick wit and wisdom you have provided me. I know it plays off as a vanity, but God I see it as a source of your strength in place of my weakness, and so I thank you for your strength. God, it has been a long time since I went to bed at night after a great and productive day, in love with life. I pray you grant me days like this. Please God, give me these days so I can praise you even more.
I believe that I have followed you, my Lord, and that I have trusted and sought after your side, your direction, and your leadership as Lord of my life. I know also, God, that I prayed you would humble my spirit, discipline my heart, and break my will so that I could be recreated in your spirit. I believed and expected Father that you would show me love, protect me, and enable me to serve your purpose. Yet, when I conclude all things at the end of the day, I feel lost, disconnected, like something is wrong.
God, I pray to you now that you would continue to discipline my heart, transform my mind, humble my spirit, and break my will. God, it's painful, but I so desire to be recreated to serve you. Please, God, recreate me and enable me to accomplish the ordinary, so that I would look to you and your power to bring about all the extraordinary things this life has to offer me.
Thank you God, I love you.

good night

It's a Beautiful Day

Holy crap. I love those two words. Hmm.

It's good to be blogging again. I know I blogged early-early yesterday morning, but I feel as if I've lived a thousand lifetimes since then.
GOOD NEWS!!! I've put more thought to the whole "pursuing-a-girl" jazz. Umm, here it goes:

• I've started with prayer. Before I go to be at night, I pray. Before I get too far into my day, I pray. It's, uh, been interesting. My prayers have grown from "God, grant me the enabling to simply be a friend," to something much deeper and more intimate. I don't note this to build myself up and sound ultra-pious, but to let you know that I have grown. The depth to which God has grown me is a little too personal for a blog on the world wide web, but I have suddenly grown into a new relationship and understanding with God my Father. It's a relationship of sacrifice, because for all I know God may answer my prayer with a new direction, but it's a necessary step that must be taken.
• I've also learned a huge lesson in respect and self-control and patience. I know it's not fair for me to throw three of those into one like that, however they all just kind of came at me in one thought because I see how they are related. I'll try to divide and conquer so it's a little more easy to understand.
  When pursuing a girl and a lady and a woman of God, you have to understand before almost anything else that she is a person too, with her own story, her own friends, her own life, her own choices to make. The next step in that understanding is embracing respect for her story, her friends, her life, her choices. It then takes self-control and patience to constantly remind yourself NOT to monopolize and consume her time, and to respect how she chooses to interact with the above in her day-to-day.
• This leaves us with honesty. Honesty with yourself, honesty with her, honesty with God, honesty with your friends and her friends, and honesty with society at large. People aren't stupid, however they are prone to persuasion, and the more time and energy you invest in some one the more easily he or she will be persuaded to perceive care and concern on your part. If it is real, and genuine, then honesty will continue to carry the relationship on to wherever it leads. If it is misinterpreted and wrong, then honesty will steer the relationship to its next point in life. At either end of the spectrum, honesty is huge.

I don't know if you can get anything out of this, but it's just what I've come across and discovered in the past couple of days. Please don't be fooled into thinking that because I have discovered these joys that I am putting them into practice and "perfecting my craft" (it's an expression, not a statement of fact), almost the opposite; I would actually want to urge you to understand that my story has been one of struggle, one of sacrificing my pride and interests for the betterment of the relationship, and in their place I have chased after the elements mentioned above.
Having said all of this, there is a very obvious elephant in the room. If this post has lead you to the assuming question that perhaps I am speaking from recent, practical experience, then yes is your answer.

To change topics slightly, this should not be much longer, I am tired. I have not been sleeping as much as need be in the past few nights, and I think my contact lenses have been out of my eyes more than 8 hours once in the last 12 days. Tonight, I want to go to bed early, and sleep well.
I've noticed that with the steady decline in my sleep I've also seen a noticable increase in my agitation come daybreak, and a decrease in my performance in my academic, social, and physical endeavors (the day-to-day hustle and bustle) and I hope that by committing to more sleep tonight that I can awake refreshed and restrengthened for a new, beautiful day. That's what I strive for, and I think after all things are stripped away from today, I can say with honesty that it has been a beautiful day.

What is Love? Baby don't hurt me/Last daaaance/My life got flipped turned upside down

So, at the risk of sounding too utterly dramatic and throwing caution to the wind, I'm going to say this much about my weekend and feelings about said weekend:
What is Love? -- Yeah, holy crap, that sums up the weekend.
Last daaaance -- I wish, I hopefully freaking wish.
My life got flipped turned upside down -- As if my life could not get any crazier than it already was, or as crazy as I thought it already was, in a search for peace tonight I eventually ended up getting something way less than that. I love my friends, but I'm starting to live in the greys, and I don't like it. We need to back out and get some definition.

I'd love to write more, but I don't think I can. Umm, life is crap, or something like it, so make the most of it because it's really not.

A long, long time ago, I can still remember

Today has been butt-diggity long. Long, long, long. Why?

Tonight was FYC's infamous "Date Auction: The Bachelor." I really do love how cool college is. It cracks me up. Anyway.
Tonight was Date Auction, and, I had fun, but I'm tired. I'm tired physically, I'm tired mentally, I'm tired socially, I'm tired spiritually. Between work, and class, and homework for class, and FBC, and RA, and Date Auction, and SGA, and intramurals, and balancing friends and a social life and this and that and this and that and on and on and on, I'm tired. As a sabattical, I turn to blogging to release my tiredness.

I'm tired physically. My sleeping pattern has evolved into stay-up-late-working-hard-and-then-go-to-sleep-early-on-a-weekend-and-sleep-in. It does not work that way.
I'm tired mentally. One of the worst part of my pride and vanity is that I try to do everything myself and bare my own burdens on my strength. By the end of the day, my mind is worn out taking care of myself, and then it has homework to do. Not to mention the fact that people come to me asking for my help in whatever they're doing more than I'm starting to like.
I'm tired socially. This has a lot to do with that last one. Evidently I'm cool or popular or well-liked or well-known or something, so people want me to participate in what they're doing. People want me to give them advice on dating girls, or how to handle relationships, or, at the least, they want 5 minutes of my time in Hardy when I could just be eating and enjoying the quiet.
I'm tired spiritually. God, I feel like we've been over and over this one a little too frequently. I've just started this new job and I'm excited because I've been honored with the blessing of leading your people and your church, but God I don't know how to use my gifts in the role in which I'm currently serving. I don't mind inheriting responsibility, but with that responsibility give me the freedom and the authority to use my gifts in service to you.

I know this post is more of a whine than a philosophic pondering. If you want something to ponder, tell me what you think about neo-platonic love and relationships under neo-platonism. Guys should be friends with guys so they don't fall victims to lust and depravity; kissing is like touching souls and looking into a person's eyes is to see them as they really are -- that kind of good stuff. It's something that's been kicking around inside my head, I've just not formalized my position(s) yet.
Good
Night

The Circle of Life

I feel like Darth Vader right at the moment. Wheeze in, wheeze out. Wheeze in, wheeze out.
I just tried to play some ultimate frisbee in the cold, wearing a Hanes Tagless-T and corduroy pants. Brilliant, I know. My asthma just loooooooooooves the cold, especially when I'm underprepared.

However, it is that action that brings me to my thought(s) tonight. I should not have been playing ultimate frisbee. Sure, it's good exercise. Sure, it's a lot of fun. Sure, I can meet new people and spend time with Brack doing what he likes to do. But my main incentive is that extra incentive. Call me childish to call myself out and berate myself for my foolishness, but I went out there out of extra incentive. Out of PRIDE.
As I was at work today, I contemplated male pride, my pride. I can do just about anything out of motivation for pride. Especially the college me. In high school, I was much more modest. But after the past two and a half semesters at UMHB my head has swolen much larger than any Freshman 15 could claim. I'm a cocky guy. I'll admit it.
What do I do for pride? Stunt Night. SGA. Ultimate Frisbee.
What am I seeking? Recognition, respect, honor; her recognition, her respect, her honor.
What do I really achieve? Foolishness, a name tag, lungs frozen shut, a strawberry on my knee.
Why do I do it? Because I'm a guy. I have pride.

Anyway. I'm sorry if this isn't really that interesting to you. I don't blog for your sanity, I do it for mine. I do it in an act of escapism, a sabbatical from the rush and gush. Tonight's was much more mellow, not so deep, and I realize that in a few months time (hopefully) this particular post will look a little outdated -- emotionally. But for now, it's a good scape goat for my frustrations with, well, myself.
Haha, good night

'Cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes

Lately, I've struggled with doing things for me. I want to do something for some one else, so I jump into it. Forgive me, this isn't really going to be a logical or coherent thought, and it may come across rather unpolished. So for now, just accept that I need to start re-committing things back to myself.

I've been having odd dreams lately. I'll pick on Friday night. I dreamt I was going back to Romania. It was amazing. I got to see all the loved ones I have in Bucharest, and I had the whole summer ahead of me.
It reminds me of a crazy dream that I have that, I guess, I'll let out into the open. I would love the opportunity to go to Romania and teach. I would love to spend a summer in Romania, learning the language, loving the people, and edifying the body. Before I left for Romania I had this crazy idea that I could do just that next summer. The last night there Soterius (pastor of AlfaOmega) asked me if my dad (who he found out was a professor) would be interested in coming to Romania to teach basic bible classes in a university type setting. I can't exactly speak for my dad, although we did talk about this and he wasn't opposed to the idea, however I know that if that opportunity was presented to me I would have my bags packed the next day.
So, there it is. God, I would love to go to Romania and teach about You. If You want this too, make it happen. I love you.

I've also had a multitude of different things happening in the past few days/weeks. As my previous post (two, actually...) would indicate, I am now working at FBC Belton. I'm interning with Jason Goings, the Assistant Pastor and College and Missions Minister. Today was my first day. It was a crazy long one, I spent four hours trying to acclimated to the atmosphere of FBC Belton, but I'm starting to like it. When I was a youth I wanted to do youth ministry, now as a college student I'm getting to do college ministry from an intern's perspective, so maybe when I'm more grown than now I'll get to do adult ministry.
To be completely honest, I feel called and gifted into teaching and pastoral ministry. God has granted me an amazing mind that can think and learn and understand and teach, and a heart that desires to disciple the lost and the church, and I want to use those gifts for Him, for Christ's Body. I wish I could jump up and say college ministry is the passion of my heart, but honestly ministering to those around me, feeling and meeting their needs, and struggling to figure out how to persevere in Christ is really my passion. So, if along the way, I get to work with college students, it'll be okay.

Something else that has been flying around has been the issue/idea/topic of dating. More specifically, "pursuing a girl." If I had a quarter for every time I have heard a girl say to me this semester "I want a boy to pursue me...You're the boy, so pursue her...As the man in the relationship, it is the man's job to pursue the woman..." I once -- 10th grade, mind you -- had the bold notion of recording my thoughts on the art of pursuing girls, yet it never quite came to fruition. Por que no? I was too lazy. Last night, though, I put away some serious thought in this direction, and I ended up going a little deeper than what I'm ready for. Although, I haven't followed my thoughts out to their logical end yet, so maybe my MO is somewhere along the way of the biblical pursuit of a woman. I don't know. Just a thought. I can say this much, though, when I do figure out more of this, I'll be sure to post it here. For now, I'll just keep my thoughts to myself, and figure them out along the way.

And finally, I'm starting to discover that blogging is something very cathartic for me. I used to be in such a great habit of blogging constantly, however with the uprising of MySpace and the downfall of Xanga I fell out of the saddle. Today I discovered that Daniel Rowe makes a concerted effort to blog just about once a day and I was jealous. Even as I am typing, I'm realizing that blogging is a good way to purge troublesome thoughts from the soul, and write out my problems into words to grasp them more tangibly. He made the comment "I get paid to blog," and I suddenly realized the need I have for consistency and positive habits in my life. Maybe not patterns, but discipline. I have a strong need to fill a lackadaisical hole in my life with discipline, and I'd like to think that blogging could be one piece to what is missing.

Thank you

Hi-Ho

Hi-Ho!
Hi-Ho!
It's off to work I go!

Umm, got a job this weekend. Internship at FBC Belton, working with the college department. I'm not entirely sure what my full "title" is, or if I even have one, but I think I get a name tag/badge, so I'll go off that whenever I get it.
But for now, I haves to go to work.
Umm, be excited. Be very excited.

Having my baby. What a wonderful way to show how much you love me.

Dear UMHB and others,
These are the following babies I have carried and labored over for you in the past 6 months. Feel free, at any time, to reclaim what is yours, instead of bastardizing your own crap on to me.

• RA -- this includes RA programming, RA training, living in a locker room, and the general sense of "screwed-overness" I wake up to in the morning.
• The irresponsibility of over 50% of the freshman class -- I am sorry, Admissions, that you had to admit a fourth of this year's freshman class on conditional status, ie, they were already ON academic probation before they stepped foot in college, but why is this my problem? Why must I continue to baby sit and monitor those who are wasting the gifts placed before them? If it's your problem, then it is YOUR problem.
• Boy-Craziness -- most everyone has gone boy crazy this semester. Girls have boyfriends, which have now replaced me in life. Guys want the approval of the top dawg, so now what I bring to the table, what I offer in fellowship is sacrificed on the altar of self-preservation and interest.
• Pride -- just lose it. Just lose it, it will do you no good.

Now, I would like to ask you, UMHB and others, when do you plan on showing up to say thank you? When do you plan on being the other responsible partner in the mess of things, and coming around to put a faithful face to your name? When do you plan on relieving me of all the work I have done for you, so I can rest? Or, at the very least, when do you plan on paying child support so I can afford even the smallest of comforts?
Umm, good night.

I saw the sign

This is what my horoscope said on my homepage, for Friday, October 19th, 2007.

Someone may tell you something you really don't want to hear today, yet your openness to honest feedback can be just the catalyst that you need. Once you recognize the truth, even if you have been resisting it, you'll be able to make changes that can stabilize an otherwise shaky relationship. There is no need to control what happens next; being honest is enough to assure a positive outcome.

Talked with Wendi yesterday, she said, pretty much, to me that if "screwing me over twice" and leaving me in Gettys is what is "best for the university," then she's going to have to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's starting to look like I'll be stuck in Gettys again, next semester, but with $1000 more.
Crap

I've got a girl

So, it seems that my friends just can't help falling in love. And by "falling in love," I mean "rushing into relationships with people they may or may not know as well as they should/be totally compatible with." I know, that's a lot to take in, right?
I guess what's eating me is that for the second time since I've broken up with my ex-girlfriend Amy, I have watched, painfully yet again, a second great friend of mine rush/jump/dive right straight into a relationship with an incredibly great guy, but it just may not be an incredibly great time. I'm tired of it, and I don't know how to stop this trend. They say ring by spring, and it's now October, soon to be November...
The first time I had to endure this was with one of my closest friends last semester. She didn't have anyone, and hadn't had anyone in quite a while, so when the first great guy came along to flatter her with a date, she accepted and never looked back. Even when it looked liked things weren't going to work out, she didn't try to move on, she waited and pushed until things would work out and forced the relationship. Now she has become a source of, yes, incredibly great friendship, but also, on occasion, a source of incredibly great sadness and envy. I'm envious because I wish to have my best friend back, and I know that the time I do get with her is not the same time we used to spend before. Don't get me wrong, her boyfriend is a great guy, and I love him and respect him and wish him the best in all of his dreams and pursuits. But being in this relationship has changer her. Changed her to a person I almost don't even know anymore.
Now, I have to endure this a second time. Another incredibly great friend of mine has rushed into a relationship, again with a really good guy, but just a really bad time. Since she broke up with her boyfriend of TWO YEARS about TWO MONTHS ago, she has had three gentlemen callers, counting the new beau as numero tres. I like him. I like him more than the previous two. I liked him before she liked him and he liked her. But he too has been the gentlemen caller for three ladies this semester alone (counting my friend as the third), and he's only been here two months. Both of them agreed to take it slow and for him to pursue her slowly. But somehow, they decided they were mature to hit it early and now the rest of us get to watch them stumble through the morning after the honeymoon, and hope they make it out alive before somebody goes away hurt.

I say all this not to say I wish people didn't date, but to say I wish people used better restraint and judgement before they jumped into something as serious as a relationship.

Lonely Day

Life has a funny way of picking you up, right after it's nailed you right in bollocks. Just when it's looked you square in the eye, knocked you to the bottom rung, laughed at your defeat, it turns around and offers a helping hand to get you back up there.

I won't lie -- I feel like my life sucks every morning when I wake up. I feel cheated, I feel robbed, I feel lonely, I feel depressed, I feel confused, I feel angry, I feel desire; I feel like the life I'm living shouldn't be mine, or isn't mine at all. Like it belongs to some one else, but I'm just holding it for him or her until they can get back to me and reclaim it. I feel like I'm just a place holder, no more than a bookmark in the story of some one else's life, holding their place until they can finish.
Maybe that's true. Maybe that's what I've been designed to be, for now. Maybe that's the purpose God has called me to, to hold people's lives in place until they can finish on their own. That would be nice, that kind of service, but I believe there's more to my life than that. After all, the bookmark has a story too, right?
But to continue my thought, I'm hitting rock bottom on a weekly basis now. This isn't some inescapable, unpassable, unclimable wall. This is the rock bottom. And most days, when I've hit rock bottom, I just stay there until some one gives me a jack hammer and says get to work. And some days, let's use today as an example, I'm handed a giant earthmover and told I need to go extra deep, extra fast.
However, the days that make me want to go to sleep at night just so I can wake up in the morning are also days like today. Days when I've been drilling to what may be the very core of what I have left, and God just smiles. His smile is enough to stop me from where I'm going, and push me in the other direction.
I'm reminded of the movie "A Knight's Tale," when Geoffrey Chaucer is introducing our favorite protagonist, and he says "Days like these are far too rare to cheapen with heavy-handed words." My day today is far too rare, far too precious, far too much a jewel for me to give over with exuberant expressions that don't convey the depth and beauty. I know in a few years I'll look back and know that this whole time God had His hand under me, carrying me daily, but right now this day is complete enough for me.

Move Along

Tonight is shaping up to be the most annoying night on duty yet. There is one resident in particular who has annoyed from the first day he moved in that does nothing but sit in the lobby every night and brag about how good he must be at whatever it is he happens to be playing at the time. And by brag, I really mean he says "YAAA CUDDAY!!!!"
The word "Cuddy" is a word I first heard as fashioned by the incredible Quincy Daniels. Quincy, or Chocolate Bear as I like to call him, only used it when he was talking to me as a word of encouragement in place of my name, and his pronunciation of the word was more like a "cuddy," but with the "y" sound dropped off a bit, almost to the point where you really weren't too sure what he was saying.
This kid uses it so frequently, I cringe every time I hear his voice because I know what's coming. Beyond that point, he's just an annoying bragadocious guy in the first place so if he were to disappear tomorrow, I probably wouldn't miss him even at all.
After this guy, there are the girls. The same girls who come into the lobby just about every night so they can hang out with the guys. Don't even get me started on this one. Let me say this much and I hope it will suffice -- GTFO!!!!!!1

Moving right along, I am coming to the ever clearing realization that I miss having the company of an awesome, genuine, real relationship of another person in my life. Maybe a girl and girlfriend, or maybe another amazing best guy friend I can phileo for life. Either way, I'm missing it.
But beyond just the normal missage I experience on a day-to-day basis, I find myself wondering about girls an awful lot. It has been some time since my last relationship with a girl, and I wonder if there is a girl out there with her eye on me, and if there is, I wonder how great she looks on a scale of 1-10. I have had my eye on a specific chica for some time now, however everytime I get near her I get so nervous I can't say anything, and so I pull out my phone and pretend that whatever it is on my phone is infinitely more interesting than looking around. I know that sounds odd, me with nothing to say, however she has some sort of effect on me to the point where I am rendered almost completely paralyzed. I haven't felt this in...oh, some time.
I am enjoying Greek. Greek=Fun for me.
Alright possums, I'm out.

Heroes

Heroes, the hit NBC show debuting last season on Monday nights at 8, returns this Monday, at 8 PM. I am excited.
The premise of the show is that their are people in the world born with advanced DNA that provides them with some sort of genetic superpower. Pretty much, they're mutants like in the X-Men universe. The main characters are
Peter Petrelli - a hospice nurse with a sponge-like ability similar to Rogue in X-Men, but different in that he can absorb a person's power permanently just by being in the vicinity of another "mutant."
Nathan Petrelli - Peter's older, politician brother who just won a fixed race for US Congress, and was picked by an elite, secret group of people to be the President in a few years. Nathan can fly.
Claire Bennet - Ever heard "Save the cheerleader, save the world?" She is that cheerleader. Biologically, she is Nathan's daughter, however she was raised by another man who worked for the aforementioned elite group. She can regenerate tissue and organs; she's got Wolverine's power.
Noah Bennet - A man with no powers of his own, but he worked for this elite group until he defected. He became Claire's adopted father because of his connection with this group.
Hiro Nakamura - A Japanese peon who can stop time, teleport, and travel through time. Last season he was last seen in feudal Japan approx. 400-600 years ago, caught between two warring parties.
Sylar/Gabrielle - The villain. His power is something weird, but he can "see how things," or "see how they're put together," and from this he took the ability of telekinesis from one man, and has stolen various other powers from various other characters. He does this by killing them, and eating their brains, or at least a specific part of their brain which contains their powers. He is Peter's counterpart, as they both possess more than one power because of their own natural power.
There are more characters to list, but these are just my favorites. There's a doctor, a woman whose split-personality is a super-strong killing machine, a little girl who can "find" people, no matter where they are, and various others.
Peter and Nathan were last seen flying off together moments before a gigantic explosion ripped through the night sky in NYC, leaving us to guess at whether they are dead or not. However, I have seen a teaser video for next season and Nathan was in it, and said Peter's name, but that doesn't mean they're both alive.
Anywho, Season 2 starts this Monday, and I have a colossal Greek exam on Tuesday, so I'll be watching Heroes, and then studying for Greek.
Ta ta

I've got the world on a string

The title has absolutely nothing to do with this blog.

I don't think it's by any accident that the Catholic Church places top dollar value on the Grace of Perseverance. Nor do I also think it's by any accident that Protestans believe that faith is a journey that we must persevere through.
Lately, my life has sucked. If you've paid any attention to my ramblings, rants, and moans from a few weeks prior you would know that. Add on classes, add on SGA, add on RA responsibilities not even connected to living in Gettys, add on my hope and search and desire to find a church with which I can live and work and grow, add on a social life, and well, life can get full pretty quick.
My life has been full, real full, these past few weeks, and all I've wanted and desired are strong relationships to keep me enthused about life. Last night I feel as if I hit rock stinking bottom. I completely slammed into the deepest pit of what I've been feeling.
And what did God do in response to sunkeness?
He picked me up. He picked me up and showed me that I should be proactive in my life and relationships and He set me on a course to find out deep relationships with others. I was reminded of the perseverance it takes to continue living life with faith. I was reminded that when times get tough and I need to lean on some one, I shouldn't expect others to run to me to offer their arm, hand, shoulder, whatever it is that I need. I was reminded that despite whatever wrongs I feel I've suffered under the neglect, oversight, absent-mindedness, or mistreatment from my friends, I am not perfect and I do neglect and forget and mistreat.

Back in the habit? Maybe, only maybe.

I'm putting this down now because I told myself I would this morning.
Sunday is probably my favorite day of the week.
Not because I'm a good little Christian and all good little Christians are brainwashed to think that "Keep the Sabbath Holy" is it; the goal and end in life.
I like Sundays because they are days that remind me of community. Days that remind me of fellowship. Days that have mornings full of love, and days that remind me of long afternoons with my parents at home. I guess, though, I really like Sundays because of Lifepoint.
This summer I lived for Sundays. I lived and longed and yearned and burned for a Sunday because on Sunday, I had a chance to sit and talk with Kevin, Jim, their wives and families, Greg, Joy, Matt, Courtney, Pam, Mark, Denise and anyone else who came through the door. I loved these opportunities because all week, I would be either
A) Confined to a house while my dad worked all day long, all week long and I had no one to talk to, or
B) I busted my butt all week long working on fences or doing yard work and so I had no source of intelligent conversation.
Wednesdays brought a mild dose of relief for me when I would teach the youth, but their expectations of Wednesday Night was the same as their expectations of a school day -- "maybe the teacher will teach, or maybe we'll get to do something fun." Either way it was like teaching goldfish because 10 minutes after I finished they were dancing around the room or sneaking off outside to go and do only the Lord knows what.
But to return to my original train of thought. I did not merely "go to church," on Sundays, I went to bible study; I went to worship. And I usually did both. However, now that I'm not at Lifepoint, I find myself looking at trying to find a new church body to go and worship with. I have charged myself with the task of finding a new place of worship and service and discipleship and I am left with the same thought after every "church service" I go to: I would much rather start a church than put up with this.
I would much rather start a new church that met in houses and homes instead of school cafeterias or a brand new "worship complex." I'd rather serve with 10 or 12 disciples who expect to change the world than sit next to 10 or 12 families who are checking off their list.
So, what's so different about this church and its Sunday morning services?
In this church that I'd love to start, the preaching is great. I've been a victim of lousy preaching before, and nothing kills your followership abilities and Spiritual Formation quite like lousy preaching. And the worship is real. We can have one guitarist, but as long as that one guitarist comes, expecting to encounter God in worship and praise, that's all we'll need. And I expect the members to not be merely members, but to be "doers of the Word." I expect life change as a result of meditating on Scripture. I expect the members to be in the world, changing the world.
Really, I don't know where this urge to start a church comes from. Maybe it comes from working at Lifepoint all summer long. Maybe it comes from Milfred Minatrea's Shaped by God's Heart. Maybe it comes from my tiredness of the current ecclesiastical tradition, and the "Purpose Driven Church" purposefully driving out the church. Maybe it comes from...
Well, I don't really know where it comes from, so I won't waste time with idle speculation.
Point is, I want to start a church, and change the world. And we'll do it on Sundays. Sunday, my favorite day, is now "Change the world day."

A Brief Update

So, a brief update.
I have decided that the bushy, fuzzy face is no longer my preference. I am clean shaven baby.
I don't know how long this will last, but I like it. It's a clean break from my stubble days.
I don't really know where this came from, but I'm becomming more partial to having a smooth face more often than letting it grow into stubble, then trimming it back, then stubble, then trimming it back, then -- well, you get the idea. I don't know what sort of....style I'll be adopting now that I no longer have a beard. For a while I was extremely taken by the Brad Pitt look of a buzz cut and a stubble beard of equal length. But now, I'm digging the smooth look. Maybe I'll start working, go tanning, and grow my hair out and look like Brad Pitt from Troy.
What do you think?
Alright, I'm out.

Whine, Complain, Calm Down, Think About It

The title, to be honest, is not mine. I wish I could claim it, but that kind of gold came from KB. Whether it's actually his or not, has yet to be determined.
But to the point of relevancy, I have whined, I have complained, I am in the process of calming down because I've thought about it, and now I'm ready to write.
Plainly and simply, Gettys is not so bad.
Moving on.
I love Dr. Oldham. He's a smart guy.
Our most recent discussions in Intro to Philosophy have been over the subject of Socrates, and his Ignorance and Method. Now, I love to play the fool. I'm the king of playing dumb. Probably almost any professor I've had at UMHB would vouch for me that I am much smarter and more well informed than I choose to let on. Now, while this is a far cry from actual Socratic Ignorance, to me, the two seem similar.
I don't actually know how smart I am, I don't believe that there is a specific way to measure how much somebody knows, but I do know that I never show all my cards when I'm betting.
Classic example, a classmate of mine wrote me off as not being as smart or studious as she was one time last fall.
"Yeah, as long as I can make a B I won't be too disappointed."
"Geoff, I made a 75 on that test, trust me, you won't make a B."
I colored her surprised the next day in class when my score was an exact 10 points higher than hers.
I guess where I'm going with this -- trust me, this isn't what I'm setting out to say, merely an appetizer to the main course -- is that I totally buy into Socratic Ignorance. I play dumb a lot in life -- yes, I know that is not exactly ignorance -- but at the same time I don't mess around with what I know to be true. And I know quite a bit. Really, the whole notion of Socratic Ignorance was simply encouraging to me, to know that I had some underlying depth to my arrogant charm.
Now, on to the main course.
I love the Socratic Method. I guess, if you've been with me from the beginning, you would know that really, "Want a better answer? Ask a better question." is really the Socratic Method in my own terminology.
One day in class, Dr. Oldham asked us "What's wrong with Samaritans?"
Me, "They're half-breeds!"
"Yes, I know they are, but where are they from?"
"SAMARIA!"
"Okay, Geoff, yes, you're right."
"You want a better answer, ask a better question."
Now, I don't really remember whether or not Dr. Oldham actually heard me smart off to him like I did, and to be honest I consider that a secondary concern, however I've stuck with that notion for a while now, hence, the Blog.
I like that I discovered, more or less, the Socratic Method on my own. I like that somewhere along the way in my life, I stumbled upon the right combination of pride, curiosity, hunger, and wisdom to think this way. Granted, Socrates was probably not smarting off to his teacher -- it was more like politicians and poets, really -- however it is, like the aforementioned philosophic jewel, encouraging to me, to know that I'm not a complete idiot, and that I am capable of some rather deep thoughts and understanding.
I just wish I could discover them on purpose, as did Socrates.

It's been a while

It's ben a while since I've been this frustrated and outright freaking upset.
I don't know why, exactly, I'm so upset. It's possibly a combination of many things. It's possible it's just one. All I know is that my current mood is angry.
Today has been a long day and I wish I could say that I successfully completed all the things I wanted to do. I did everything I needed to do, but there was so much more I was hoping to add to this day.

Changing Topics

I really think this semester will be a proving ground for me. I already know I'm going to learn a lot, I just hope I survive and put to good use all that I can learn. I really want to be more grown up, but at the same time, I'm glad I'm a kid so I can enjoy all that is before me. I just hope that I enjoy it to its fullest.
Some great stuff is out there waiting for me. I hope I can find it.

I'm automatic baby, it's no lie

I don't think it's too big of a secret that I don't like living in Gettys. In fact, I'm tempted to say that "I hate it." I'm not sure if it's the bugs, the community showers, the cramped living quarters, or what, but this isn't exactly accommodating to my needs. Yeah, I think I could learn to hate this place. Maybe it's the constant, non-stop rap music and random shouts and cries that can be heard at any and all hours of the night by the residents.
I really think I hate this place.
I'm really dissatisfied with life right now. While this is better than living at home, only marginally because I have the freedom of privacy and my independence back. At home those two were like jokes or rare commodities.
However here, I have no place of worship. I have no community. I have no place to call home. I'd like to call campus home, but as long as I'm hating Gettys and living there I can't exactly depend on it to be comfort. I want a place to serve. I want a place to learn. I want a place to grow and connect and build relationships that can help me grow and that can aid others in their growth.
I have found no such thing thus far. This semester is turning out terrible, so far. I have decided that it will be either the semester I take off, and grow and flourish and become something more and awesome, or it will be the semester I fail, fall, die trying. I can't predict which it will be yet, but I pray it is not the latter.
I really really would like to find a church to go to, and work with. Please tell me there's one out there for me...

I'm back in black

So, now I live in Gettys. The Getto. Ghetto. Take your pick.
I won't lie, I don't like it. I'm not thrilled about it. In fact, I'd much rather move out.
You know when you were a kid, maybe this applies to you, and you had to apologize for something? And you didn't want to, and you hated the thought of doing it, but deep down you knew it was the right thing to do? You knew that no matter how hard your feelings resisted the idea of what you were about to do, you had to do it anyway and it would be okay?
Yeah, that's NOT AT ALL how I feel about living here. I really, to be totally candid and honest, feel like I'm making the dumbest mistake ever. Not that I base all my best decisions off of feelings, but I've been here for two days, made relationships with the people I work with, and not one aspect of what I'm doing here feels in ANYWAY right at all. Deep down, I still don't want to be here.
My first inclination that I didn't belong here came to me when I realized that I am more of an adult now than ever. I once called this past summer the summer of manhood -- the summer I became a man. I did manual labor, worked with my hands, got myself dirty and did hard work; on the flip side, I was a youth minister and was responsible for so much more than making copies and pushing paper and setting up bulletin boards. Somewhere between those two I grew up.
In Romania, I made the comment to Flory that I was not an adult. I said, "I'm not an adult yet. I'm just 19. When I turn 21, I'll feel more comfortable considering myself an adult. Right now I'm still a kid." She looked at me and said, "Geoff, I hate to break it to you, but you're an adult. You are one." Now, I'm not here to argue maturity, that's not what I do. But I realize that the more serious I start taking myself, the more serious others will take me. And again, not that I necessarily want everybody to take me so seriously, but the more I see myself as a semi-responsible adult and the more others treat me and recognize me as a semi-responsible adult, the more and more I will become an adult. I've long had a problem with the upperclassmen at my fine Universidad acting like kids in the apartments, and then being such high-standing students holding important positions such as Class Chaplains or Jesus Christ in the Easter Pageant. I'm an adult. The more I say it, the more I act it, the more I will be one.
Adults don't play kid games and live in dorms with obnoxious arrogant football players. Chumps do that. Kids do that. I'm neither anymore. I need a place that pushes me to grow up. I need out of this dorm. I need out of this position. This place will hold me back, and I could grow to hate that. No part of my being here feels right, and I want out.
I think this is my official list of grievances. I think this is where I stand on my current living situations. I don't know if I need to move in to McLane, or find an opening in the apartments and scoot out there, but I'm not going to stay in Gettys unless God opens some pretty magnanimous and supernatural doors that lead me to fall in love with this place.
And from where I'm sitting, it's looking like not.

God Speaks Spanish too

So, for the summer months I'm moving to my new summer home.
http://godspeaksspanish.blogspot.com
Check it out.
See ya in the fall!

Headaches

I have been having some tremendously crappy headaches lately.
I've learned how to entertain my mind without media. It's been tough. I like to veg out from time to time for a little while, letting my brain shut itself down. I haven't had that pleasure in some time.
I really like David Crowder. He amazes me. He really does.
I probably shouldn't be on here, so I'm leaving before I get caught.
G'Day to you all.

When the world goes to bed

I think as much time as we spend talking to God and reading about God and listening to God, we should spend just as much time being quiet with God."Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10

I like to think that when night comes, and darkness slides over the sky, God is watching the Earth, taking care of His children.
He gives us our bath, trying to get us clean from the day's adventures. Some of us don't ever like to take baths, and we love being dirty all the time. Some of us, He looks at us and says, "Thank you for not getting dirty, but you can have fun outside. Just be careful." As He washes us clean, He listens as we tell Him all of the things we did that day and we let Him know exactly how that dirt got behind our ears.
I like to believe that He watches over us as we go to sleep, tucking us in to our beds. He gives us a kiss on the forehead, if we let Him, and He tells us that He loves us right before we drift off to sleep, making sure that we actually do go to sleep and let the day go. God is looking at His creation, like a parent looking at their child, hoping and longing that they sleep well. Hoping and longing that the troubles experienced today will be in the past tomorrow.
As He looks at us from across the room, He pauses before He shuts the door and thinks of all the bad things we did that day. He knows in His mind that eventually we'll grow up and we'll learn better. He knows that we're just children, and that sometimes we need to be reminded that He is our Father, and that He knows what is best for us, even if it is every day.
I picture God walking out of our room, making sure that our Moon and Stars our shining all over our ceiling so that if we wake up in the middle of the night, we have something to look at to remind us where we are. I can see God turning on the nightlight by the door so if we need Him during the night, we know how to get to Him.
Then He walks down the hall, stepping over some of our toys and playthings. He picks some of them up, but leaves a few behind. "Tomorrow they will learn responsibility, and how to pick up after themselves." Of course He could have cleaned up for us, but then we would never learn.
When He gets into the kitchen, He knows that in the morning we're going to be hungry, and before we go off to our day of adventuring we're going to need to take something with us. He prepares something for us in advance, picking out what we need, knowing full well that when we finally get it, He may or may not get a "Thank you" in return.
When He finishes preparing for our tomorrow, He goes into His room. He goes in and sits in His chair. He looks at the clock. Any normal parent would be tired by this point, but He's better than that. So He waits. He sits in His chair and waits. He knows that some of us are going to need Him during the Night. He knows that some of us are going to be up too early, and so He needs to be ready to meet us when we're there. And He knows that some of us He's going to have to wrestle with just to get out of bed so we will go to class. That doesn't bother Him though, He still loves His children.
Here, is where we leave Him. He is waiting. For us. He loves us so much and gives so much of Himself to take care of us and far too often we don't give anything back to Him. But like all parents, He knows that those times when we do come to Him and say "Thank you, I love you," it's still just as precious to Him as the last time.

Revival

Revival started tonight. It's a big deal here.
I helped set up chairs for it this morning and was up at the butt crack of dawn helping put things together with the steering committee to make it work.
I went tonight as a counselor. I fell asleep about five or six times. I won't lie about it. I was really wanting to get through the invitation as quickly as possible so I could come back to my room and crash when a friend of mine singled me out as he came forward and went to go talk to me.
That was fine. I don't mind talking to him. His intentions for coming down were a bit inappropriate. But, he needed some guidance and I tried to give him the best of what I had.
However, I have beef with revival. Serious beef. A whole cow, actually.
I think the tradition of a Big Tent Revival is antiquated and old. Don't get me wrong, I love that we have one, I think it's cute, but that's just it. It's cute. It's nice. It's traditional. How effective is it?
We are college kids. We are young adults. Revival is to revive us. The speaker was good tonight. The worship band was really good. I just think we should have something more. Something more intimate. Something more real that hits people where they're at.
I understand that the goal of every organization on campus is to reach the athletes and break outside of the bubble. And to be honest, I can see why Christians would leave this school because of that bubble. To me, it's as simple as a "good morning....hey what's up....need a spotter...whatcha doing this weekend..." Relationships. Relationships work.
Jesus didn't delegate His work to the church so it could be delegated down to a committee in charge of advertising and publicity to ensure that the seats would be filled. Jesus told us to go out and make disciples. To be fishers of men. Jesus went out and sought the lost and hurting and confused.
I see flyers and posters and sidewalk chalk and hear chapel announcements all the time. How many steering committee members do I see sitting with them at lunch? How man committee heads do I see spotting the athletes in the rec in the afternoons getting to know them?
You want to change this campus? You want to break through the bubble?
Make a relationship. Talk to them. Get to know their name. Understand where they're coming from. Don't advertise and put up publicity. Go to them.
Jesus didn't say to the disciples, "Go into the next town and put up flyers at the well and make an announcement at synagogue that I'm coming." He just went.

Past this, I think revival should be more mature. More in depth. If it is to truly revive us and revive our relationship with God, then let's do more than hire some speaker. Let's do more than set up a big tent in the quad. Small group sessions. Discussion time. Let's fast beforehand. Let's talk about things and live out the high the band gives us at the peak of music. Let's make it real. Testimonies and speakers and prayers and this and that are great, but man they've all been done before. We wouldn't have the same goal of reaching the athletes each year if we were actually reaching them.

Anyway. I've got a cow, like I said.

Up to here

This past week has been heinous. Maybe.
I've had to accept only sleeping 6 hours a night. It has been terrible. Going to bed at 2 only to wake up at 8. Going to bed at 12, and then waking up at 6, unable to go back to sleep. Terrible.
Tonight I hope to get some sleep. Last night I didn't go to bed until waaaaay late. It was around 3.
I've been kind of bothered by the fact that I don't get much sleep. The morning that I woke up at 6, I went for a walk around campus. Yesterday morning, actually.
My relationship with God was in disconnect. As I walked around, I realized that my life had become filled with things.
That's such a trivial, juvenile thing, too. Filling our lives with things. It made me angry at myself for being an idiot. But it also made me glad to realize that I just needed to prioritize.
Stunt Night went well. Sort of.
I got to see my parents this weekend. That was great.
I went to church with Landon in Georgetown this morning. Real odd. This guy, David Hocking, was speaking. He was crazy. Seriously crazy. I didn't really care for him.
I do want to know something, though. Did Jesus speak in Aramaic, or Hebrew? Because Hocking provides a completely different interpretation of Jesus' cry on the cross, "Eloi Eloi..." Apparently, it should be "Eli Eli...," Hebrew words instead of the Aramaic.
I don't really care. I just want to know. If Jesus spoke Greek and Aramaic, then I know that this guy really is crazy. If Jesus spoke Hebrew, then I might want to look him up.
Anyway.
This coming week is Revival. I haven't been to a revival since Nolan Mueller punched my lights out around 6th grade. I've mixed feelings about revival. But...I'm ready to see what will come.
I hope to have a good week.

Proverbs 29:18

I've been working pretty hard on this event called Stunt Night. It's sponsored by the sophomore class. The idea is that each class gets together and puts on a 15 minutes skit with a 5 minute song and dance.
The freshman class has had some struggles. At one of the first meetings, one of our directors gave out some ideas and the other director said that they were stupid. The first director saw no reason to stick around if his ideas weren't going to be appreciated, so he left, leaving only the second director to do it all.
After about a week of practice, one of the guys acting in the skit asked me to take his place. I did. Since then, it's been ridiculous. I'm enjoying it, I'm loving that I get to work this much with everybody and get to know people better, but it is bordering on the edge of organized chaos.
We have too many chiefs, and not enough braves. And the truth is, most of our chiefs would be better braves and vice versa. It's coming together, but it's a painful process because two or three girls are trying to take charge, but a few of them lack the vision and understanding of how much work it takes to make it solid.
Tonight, for example.
We were supposed to practice the dance. I wanted to hit the dance a couple of times for practice, and then get together with the four leads (myself, Garrett Smith, Katie Leibert, Autumn Woolsey) and run lines and talk about the flow of the show. Instead, we spent the entire time doing the dance at full speed. About half way through practice, I interjected and said, "Hey, let's stop this. Let's do the dance, but do it slowly. Instead of one two three four five six seven eight, let's go one.....two.....three.....four.....five.....six.....seven.....eight, without the music so we can get the mechanics down." We did this once and it worked, and then the chief took charge again and it wasn't good.
I'm stressing about a lot of this because apparently most of the people wanting to run the show lack the vision to make it work. I'm not saying that I have the vision and it will be glorious if everyone listened to me. I'm saying that it takes practice, hard work, and creativity to take what we've got and make it good. I don't want to be demanding and mean to everyone I work with, but I'm not about to put up with anymore crap from people who do not understand what's going on. I don't pretend to have all the answers, I just know what it means to have a vision, work hard and get results.

Want a better answer? Ask a better question.

Dr. Oldham, my New Testament professor asked us one day in class what was so significant about the Samaritans.
I said, "They're half-breeds!"
Dr. Oldham, "Well, yes Geoff, they are half-breeds, but why? Where are they from?"
"SAMARIA!"
"Uh...well, yes Geoff, you're right. You did answer my questions, thank you."
"You want a better answer? Ask a better question."

Okay so maybe I didn't let him hear that last remark, but it's definitely stuck with me. In life, when we don't get the answer we want we get disappointed. However, I'm not convinced that every time we ask a question, we're asking the right one.
I'm not a guy who has all the answers. I'm not somebody who pretends to know everything. But I have been lucky enough to realize that life isn't about the right answers, it's about asking the right questions.